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Old 11-23-2011, 08:31 AM   #1
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It took me five weeks to lose eight pounds. And one and a half weeks to gain all but 2 ounces of it back. I've officially gained back everything I lost. What is wrong with me? I can't blame WW. I did it all myself. I certainly cant go back to meetings and look my leader and the woman who weighs us in in the face. Maybe I really am incapable of losing weight -- not physically, obviously, but incapable is incapable whether it'ss because of physical, mental, emotional or other reasons.
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:01 AM   #2
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"If the shoe don't fit, then it ain't your shoe" (sorry, I'm a Frasier addict)

Just because WW didn't work/you couldn't work with it, doesn't mean you can't lose weight, it may just mean that WW isn't for you.

You could look around 3fc at some of the other diets people choose and see if one sounds tempting.
Or you could go back to WW - did you have to take out a paid membership, or just weekly fees? If you've had to buy a membership, I'd be tempted to give it another go rather than waste the money.

If the leader looks disapproving of someone who's slipped up but had the courage to return, then she's not much of a leader.
If the embarrassment is just in your mind, then I'd say, grit your teeth, and do it anyway. It sounds meany but it's the bottom line for all weight loss - grit and do!
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:32 AM   #3
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If the leader looks disapproving of someone who's slipped up but had the courage to return, then she's not much of a leader.
I was about to say something along the same line!

This is your journey! And look at you - so you gained the weight back, you feel terrible, and yet here you are, NOT giving up. You are still totally on path with your journey.
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:35 AM   #4
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Thank you for your response, Rosinante. I know you're right about having to "grit and do," and it's not mean at all.

It's not the diet. I have been on every diet known to man, just about. I know that WW makes the most sense. But no matter what my plan, I always sabotage myself.. and it usually happens when I'm approaching that 10-pounds-lost mark. I'll use any excuse -- I have to go on a business trip and there's no controlling what you eat when you're traveling; money is tight this week and junk food is cheaper and more filling than good food; I'm not feeling well so I can't think too much about what I'm eating; oh, everyone wants Chinese so I'll splurge tonight and get right back on track. Instead of working through the convenient excuse and sticking to plan or even just indulging and then getting right back on track, I just keep going down the slippery slope. Until I'm where I'm at right now.

I think part of it is that when I "mess up," I usually wind up overloading my body with sugar and simple carbs and processed foods -- those are my both my trigger foods and my guilty pleasures. And once they get into my system, physical addiction takes over. It really is like an alcoholic or drug addict who stays clean for weeks or years but then has one tiny relapse and can't get back in control again.

But on a deeper level, I guess I feel I'm not worthy of really fighting the good fight. Now, whether I'm fat because I feel worthless or I feel worthless because I'm fat -- I don't know. It's probably a vicious cycle that started a long time ago. But whether I understand it or not, I can't seem to break it. If I could, then any diet would work for me because the mechanics of weight loss are pretty simple. It's the inner workings of the mind and psyche that derail the progress of the body. For me, at least. Or so it seems. Because there is no legitimate, physical reason for me to not be able to feel satisfied and nourished on the WW program.

Its kind of bitterly ironic that not being able to be a "loser" in the sense of weight loss makes me feel like such a loser in every other aspect of my life.

Last edited by JerseysGirl : 11-23-2011 at 09:37 AM.
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:40 AM   #5
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Thank you, Chloe. If I'm going to make it through this set back, I have to remember that. It's setback, it doesn't have to be a dead end. Only I have the power to decide which it will be.
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Old 11-23-2011, 10:09 AM   #6
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If you can't go back to meetings now, then when do you go back? There's a poster on here (I can't remember her name for the life of me), whose story I've seen posted a few times. She hit lifetime, gained a few pounds, felt like she couldn't go back and face her meeting until she'd lost them again, and ended up waiting 20 years and gaining lots of weight back. Wouldn't it have been better to go back and deal with the few pounds she'd gained at that time?
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Old 11-23-2011, 10:21 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by JerseysGirl View Post
It's not the diet. I have been on every diet known to man, just about. I know that WW makes the most sense. But no matter what my plan, I always sabotage myself.. and it usually happens when I'm approaching that 10-pounds-lost mark.
For me, it's the 45 lb mark/6 month mark or after a really successful weigh-in.

This is my third time on WW. Why? Because in the past, everytime I have almost hit 50 (usually about the 45/46 lbs lost mark and both times it was at 6 months) I freak out for some reason and start making bad choices. I also have a habit of making bad decisions after a really successful weigh-in, like because I've hit one of my mini goals it means I'm allowed to slack or I pat myself on the shoulder a little too much and stop paying attention for a week. 10 months in and I still have to be careful and pay attention. CONSTANT VIGILANCE (in the words of Mad Eye Moody from Harry Potter )

But, this time is different. Not only have I crossed the 50 lb threshold, I've stuck with it for almost a year, and my follow-up weigh in a week later I also lost. It's a mini goal no one but me can appreciate, but it means so much to me to have hit that.

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Originally Posted by JerseysGirl View Post
But on a deeper level, I guess I feel I'm not worthy of really fighting the good fight. Now, whether I'm fat because I feel worthless or I feel worthless because I'm fat -- I don't know. It's probably a vicious cycle that started a long time ago.
This is something I think we can all emphasize with. I think that's another reason I'm being successful this time around, because I've done WW twice before, I've done Atkins, I've done SlimFast, I've done other fad diets and I'd lose but eventually gain it all back plus some.

Fact of the matter is, not everytime is the right time to diet or "change their lifestyle" for someone. I had to be my heaviest ever before the right time for me came along, which is why it's working this time when it didn't all the other times. I had to hit rock bottom emotionally and personally and physically in order to find myself again and figure out that yes I AM worth it.

While I totally get wanting to lose weight right now, you aren't going to be successful if you don't think you're worth the energy and time. Of course, you ARE, make no mistake! But YOU have to feel that in order for it to work. So, maybe you just need to take a step back for awhile and figure all of that out and then come back and fight the flab (so to speak )
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Old 11-23-2011, 10:23 AM   #8
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The important thing is to not be too hard on yourself when you slip up, agonizing over what you ate. Those feelings of guilt, of beating yourself up, they can easily turn a bad afternoon into a bad day, a bad day into a bad week, or a lifestyle change into yet another failed 'diet.'

Everything can instead be an opportunity to learn. What can I do differently next time?

Having good habits and planning when you are in a good place also helps. Keeping your kitchen stocked, avoid keeping foods around for now that you just can't have around, have a few options for "convenience" meals that are easy to make when you just aren't in the mood to cook or don't have much time. If you only have these time-consuming, involved meals around to prepare, when you get a day when you just don't have much time or are SO not in the mood to cook, of course it's so much easier to turn to other things.

And make sure you aren't feeling too deprived. Not in the sense of starving and eating all your points, but if you enjoy food, make sure you still make foods you enjoy (just maybe with a healthier spin), and that you are getting enough variety. I think sometimes people get it into their heads that they have to eat a salad every day for lunch, grilled/baked chicken breast every night for dinner, etc, that they don't take the time to find ways to make the things they used to enjoy work in their new lifestyle. Homemade pizzas with lots of veggies and/or turkey sausage/pepperoni and side salad instead of delivery pizza with breadsticks, or yummy stir-fries with brown rice instead of Chinese takeout with fried rice, etc.

The fact that you are still here and posting shows you aren't ready to throw in the towel. So why don't you tell us when you are going to your next meeting so we can cheer you on?
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Old 11-23-2011, 12:43 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Blueberries View Post
If you can't go back to meetings now, then when do you go back? There's a poster on here (I can't remember her name for the life of me), whose story I've seen posted a few times. She hit lifetime, gained a few pounds, felt like she couldn't go back and face her meeting until she'd lost them again, and ended up waiting 20 years and gaining lots of weight back. Wouldn't it have been better to go back and deal with the few pounds she'd gained at that time?
I'm pretty sure that's me. That is exactly what I did. When I look back at it I am so annoyed with myself.

So, yes, Jerseysgirl you certainly can go back and look the leader and woman you weighs you in the face.

When I went back to WW last summer it wasn't the first time I had gone back to that leader and staff. A year or so earlier I had joined and lost about 15 pounds then quite and regained. So when I went back last year I was in the situation you are now. There was no judgment or negative looks or comments made. They were happy to see me there.

Looking back on it from went I went over as lifetime I don't know why I didn't just go to a different meeting with different staff if I couldn't face going to my regular meeting. Still -- nowadays -- I would just go back to the regular meeting.
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Old 11-23-2011, 02:01 PM   #10
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Regarding going back to meetings, just remember that most of us "fail" a few times before we finally figure out what works for us to be healthy long term. Its entirely possible (and probable!) that the woman weighing you is thinking "I remember doing this in 10 years ago, 8 years ago, 6 years ago, 3 years ago. I hope this lovely lady can find what works for her like I did", rather than "Ug, she gained! She must be....(whatever you may think they are thinking)"

We all know what the gain/lose/gain/lose/gain lose carosel is like. I was on WW about 8 years ago and went from 251 to 199. Then I went off of it, and went from 199 to 279 in just a few short years. I have since then been down to 240 and back up to 279, back down to 250 and back up to 275...Its not a success-only journey.

I know what being down on yourself is like, but you are most definitely worth the effort! We all are. My belief is that God made us all as we are, and while we should all try to be our best self, He made us, and he doesn't make mistakes. You were created to be you.
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Old 11-23-2011, 09:36 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Rosinante View Post
"If the shoe don't fit, then it ain't your shoe" (sorry, I'm a Frasier addict)

Just because WW didn't work/you couldn't work with it, doesn't mean you can't lose weight, it may just mean that WW isn't for you.

You could look around 3fc at some of the other diets people choose and see if one sounds tempting.
Or you could go back to WW - did you have to take out a paid membership, or just weekly fees? If you've had to buy a membership, I'd be tempted to give it another go rather than waste the money.

If the leader looks disapproving of someone who's slipped up but had the courage to return, then she's not much of a leader.
If the embarrassment is just in your mind, then I'd say, grit your teeth, and do it anyway. It sounds meany but it's the bottom line for all weight loss - grit and do!
ROSINANTE--you are a wise person! Love the quote too.

Jerseysgirl---you can do this. You just have to find what works for you. Find it. Don't allow this setback to paralyze your efforts.
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Old 11-24-2011, 11:35 AM   #12
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It took me five weeks to lose eight pounds. And one and a half weeks to gain all but 2 ounces of it back. I've officially gained back everything I lost. What is wrong with me? I can't blame WW. I did it all myself. I certainly cant go back to meetings and look my leader and the woman who weighs us in in the face. Maybe I really am incapable of losing weight -- not physically, obviously, but incapable is incapable whether it'ss because of physical, mental, emotional or other reasons.
First of all, probably some of that regain is likely to be water and extra food volume (that you haven't finished digesting) so if you get back on track you will probably find that some of it settles out. More importantly, most (almost all) of the folks posting on this web site have had numerous trip ups and set backs, including me. But if we don't give up and instead get back on track or try new approaches, we can find ways to make progress towards our goals.

WW provides support, and they should be used to seeing folks who have stumbled in their journey. If they know their job, they will have some suggestions for you. And if they make you feel bad and drive you away, they are losing a customer, so for their financial benefit at the very least, they should avoid that.

If you still don't feel you can face the group but want to stick with WW, I've heard there is an online option you could check out (I'm not in WW myself).

In terms of trying something new, if you're up for that, although you say you've tried all the diets, I wonder if you have tried truly different approaches -- trying to make a cultural shift rather than tweaks to a recipe plan, more of a lifestyle than a diet.
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Old 11-24-2011, 01:41 PM   #13
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Seriously? Ya know if all us chicks had a dime for everytime we made a bad choice we would be rich!

We are human and that is what we do--our 'pickers' are not always pointing us in the direction we should go.

Give yourself a big hug, repeat to yourself today is a new day and I will be great. Then smile in the mirror and move forward

You can do this!
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Old 11-24-2011, 02:20 PM   #14
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Thank you, everyone. You have all helped me immeasurably. And, Somni, to answer your question .... Friday morning meeting. I've been wanting to switch to mornings anyway.
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Old 11-24-2011, 04:43 PM   #15
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It took me five weeks to lose eight pounds. And one and a half weeks to gain all but 2 ounces of it back. I've officially gained back everything I lost. What is wrong with me? I can't blame WW. I did it all myself. I certainly cant go back to meetings and look my leader and the woman who weighs us in in the face. Maybe I really am incapable of losing weight -- not physically, obviously, but incapable is incapable whether it'ss because of physical, mental, emotional or other reasons.
Nothing is wrong with you, and you're not in any way incapable of losing weight.....

What you're experiencing isn't "abnormal" at all... it's not only normal, it's the pattern MOST dieters follow (most of the research trying to determine how many people succeed at weight loss - and success is often measured as ANY weight loss, even a pound - have usually found failure rates to be in the 85 - 98% range).

That never is publicised, so nearly everyone thinks they're failing because their success doesn't match the success stories we see on tv and even in the WW meetings - you hear the success stories, but often not the true path the success has taken (you may hear that a lifetime member has lost 150 lbs, but you may not hear that it took her five years to do it, or that it was her 20th attempt at weight loss).

A couple years ago, I was only managing to lose 1 lb per month, and I complained to my doctor that I should be able to lose at least 2 lbs a week "like a normal person," and my doctor scolded me for thinking such "nonsense" (I think he may have actually said a swear word instead of nonsense).

He reminded me that "normal" is to lose nothing. Normal is to quickly gain the weight back plus EXTRA to spare (so even being only a few ounces lower than your starting weight, if you get right back on track now - without waiting until you're heavier than you started - that in itself puts you far ahead of "most" people).

Even though you've gained most of it back, if you don't wait until you've gained more than you lost, you'll be ahead of "most" people.

So you can be ordinary and keep gaining until you're ready to try again, or you can be extraordinary just by choosing to get back on track BEFORE you do the ordinary thing and keep gaining. Do you want to be ordinary (keep gaining) or do you want to keep succeeding (because you haven't failed yet).

A lot of people don't want to hear the weight loss success statistics, because they say that knowing how feww people succeed makes weight loss sound hopeless. I think the opposite is true. We assume weight loss is quick and easy, because we don't realize how many people are struggling just as much or more than we are, so we think we're failing when we're not.

Weight loss is like running in a huge marathon, and assuming you're in last place because you see 5,000 people ahead of you, not realizing there are 25,000 people behind you.

You succeed just by staying in the game.

I've failed at weight loss for nearly 35 years. I've been dieting since I was five years old (and only ever gaining as a result). This time I decided to diet differently. I decided to make healthy lifestyle changes that I was willing to commit to forever, even if no weight loss resulted. And for the first two years, I didn't lose any weight - but I did maintain my weight (or more precisely I gained and lost the same 15 lbs for two years, which was better than gaining every year as I had done for 30+ years prior).

It's taken me seven years to do what I wasn't able to do in a lifetime. Seven years to lose 98 lbs isn't really seen as success by most people (My doctor says it's an achievement almost no women my size make, so even at such a snail's pace, he assures me my weight loss, at any speed, most definitely is an amazing accomplishment).

Regaining doesn't make you incapable of losing. If you choose not to do what you know works, you're not incapable of success, you're choosing not to succeed. So do you want to choose to succeed, or do you want to choose to fail.

I still have a terrible time sticking to my food plan - and my weight loss is going to continue to be slow, so long as that is true. And if I give up, even for a little while, I know that I will regain (and sometimes that happens, but in seven years, I've never let the backsliding go on for more than about 10 lbs - 10 lbs being the amount of weight I can easily gain with TOM or a few days of eating poorly). But if I can gain 10 lbs in three to four days of careless eating, it would be so easy to give up for a month and gain back 50 lbs or more.

If we treated mountain climbing like we do weight loss, we wouldn't survive it, because whenever we'd stumble, we'd through ourselves down the mountain side so we could "start fresh" from the bottom.

You do not have to start from the bottom, and you're never starting fresh - because you can't unlearn what previous weight loss has taught you. I didn't fail for 33 years. I learned a lot, even if it didn't yield the results I wanted.

You can learn from mistakes (even big ones) and pick yourself up as quickly as you can after every stumble, or you can take a nose-dive off the nearest cliff.

There's no shame in making mistakes, even lots and lots of mistakes, and it's no reason to decide to make the mistake bigger by giving up (because giving up at weight loss isn't just giving up on weight loss, it's usually accepting even more weight gain).

I don't know how vital the weekly meetings are for you, but they're essential for me (for me, it's TOPS rather than WW). I can succeed on a variety of food plans, but I don't succeed well on my own. I NEED the weekly weigh-in, in front of my peers, to keep me goal-oriented and accountable (otherwise I tend to procrastinate, putting off exercise and better food control "until tomorrow.")

In fact, I need the extra accountability in TOPS (because in WW, only the weight recorder knew if I stalled or gained, unless I chose to reveal it). In my TOPS chapter, we go around the room and everyone shares whether they've gained, lost, or stayed the same. My group also shares the exact numbers. Not that anyone pays attention to any but their own, but having to make a weekly accounting, has helped me tremendously - but I don't let myself be ashamed of having a bad week (even a gain) because I now know it's normal. I finally learned that all the times I quit in the past because I felt like I was failing, I was actually succeeding tremendously I just had no idea. I thought that "everyone" was doing better than I was, when in fact I was doing extraordinarily well. In a real sense I've "failed off" almost 100 lbs, because I never would have considered weight loss this slow, success. I was wrong. Slow success is still tremendous success, and I don't think I ever would have given up, if I had realized that.

So see your success and you'll continue to succeed. See only your failure, and you'll give up every time.
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