[KimberlyP]

Hi Everyone

I've been with the same leader for almost 2 years now and she is one of the reasons I have come so far in my journey. She told me I could get ahold of her 24/7 if I needed her and I have but she never responds back. Since my husband was laid off, all I've been doing is eating and I have tried to talk to my leader without any luck. A good friend of mine who also attends the same meeting decided to speak on my behalf last week while I wasn't there and our leader told her and I quote, "Kim needs to stop playing games with THE DIET, if she wanted to be on track, she would be." She also told my friend to mind her business and this is between her and I.

I'm seriously debating either finding a new meeting at a different center OR doing this at home. I honestly receive MORE support coming here than I do at my Wednesday morning meetings. Has anyone ever been in this position where their leader made negative comments?

[bargoo]

Can't say I have been in rhe same situation but I don't think your leaders comments were appropriate. She shouldn't be discussing you with someone else. EVER. I think you have done a fantastic job. Congratulations on losing over 100 pounds , that is a major achievment. PS I think I would find another leader.

[sarahyu]

I agree, she shouldn't be talking about you, she should have told your friend that she can't talk about specifics.

Sounds like the leader has never been in your situtation and doesn't understand what you are going through emotionallly. She should have never told you that she was available 24/7. That's inpractical. Since she doesn't respond back when you do contact her, that tells you she didn't mean it.

I thought this wasn't a diet, but a way of life to learn how to change how and what we eat.

I'd be very angry at this lady right now. But really think about it, has she helped you with your first 100 # loss or was it self motivation? Or WW in general?

You may need to find a way to speak to a professional mental health person. I know, with dh laid off, there may not be any money for that. Did you get the job at the hospital you were talking about? Sometimes they have employee assistance type counseling available.

[Lovely]

I've been to various meetings during my many years with Weight Watchers.

Some have been great... astounding, even. My very first leader clicked with me (and how I see weight loss) immediately. I enjoyed meetings because of her.

But, I've also gone to some meetings where the leaders didn't quite give me that "vibe" that I needed.

Your leader may have been exactly what you needed at one point in your journey, maybe she's just not a perfect fit for what you're going through right now.

Should she have said anything? Probably not.

There could be a myriad of reasons for why she decided to say something at all. From a bad morning, to her own brand of tough love. It's possible that your friend didn't quite convey the exact tone or words that your leader used (Just like a game of telephone... if you weren't there, it's very easy for those things to get jumbled through no fault of any one person.)

All that aside, if your meeting or leader isn't cutting it, there's not much wrong with reaching out and finding a fresher source.

[Tudor Rose]

The first time I did WW was the summer before junior and senior year of college and I had THE MOST AMAZING LEADER EVER. I absolutely adored her and she was so supportive and funny and I loved, loved going to meetings.

But then I went to college for senior year and had to change meetings and the leader had a different vibe and while I know I have to take ownership myself, I'm sure not having a meeting that I enjoyed as much led to me falling off track somewhat and by the time I graduated I had pretty much gained all my weight back.

I've been to other meetings since then and I still can't find that same supportive leader and it's one reason I'm doing it at home this time. I find way more encouragement here and have been much more successful than ever before (tho I think most of that is the PP plan)

[TurboMammoth]

Awww, Kimberly, that sucks that you have to go through so many things at this moment.

Personnaly, I think your comments leader were innapropriate. But before considering quitting your morning meetings, you should probably have a talk with your leader. Maybe this was a big misunderstanding, as Lovely said. Or maybe she really said that, who knows. By talking to her, you'll know exactly what's going on, and you'll be able to take a better decision for yourself

Don't forget your chicks are always there for you! Be strong girl

[QuilterInVA]

You friend was way off base in even going to the leader to talk about you. It is totally unrealistic to expect leaders to be available 24/7. They are only paid for the time they are in meetings and they do have a life. You should have spoken to the leader in person. It's difficult to follow the plan but I stayed on track for the entire 6 years my husband was bed ridden with End Stage Renal Failure. You have to decide what is more important and then do it. The one thing I could control in those 6 years was what I was eating. I had strategies in place already for when I wanted to eat emotionally, from head hunger, etc. so that I could deal with it in constructive ways. Do you like to read, do crafts, take a walk, have a bubble bath, talk with a friend? When you want to eat and it isn't meal time, set a time and do something else for 15 minutes. Put the timer in a different room. When we get busy with something else, we forget about eating. I found early on that eating is momentary comfort and it is followed by a huge load of guilt.

[sarahyu]

With the stress in your life right now, it's hard to make your eating a priority. It's so easy to fall into the "just one right now won't hurt." but in the end it will hurt. Right now you are stress eating, I understand completely. I do the exact same thing. Somehow eating pushing the stress away for a little bit.

But think of it like this, if you are healthy and feel good about yourself, you'll have more energy and positive energy to feed back to your family. I know, sappy, new age thinking, but sometimes it works.

You know what works and you know that you'll have to adjust your food habits to fit the budget you have. Look for recipes for things that are cheaper to make. You can make a list of foods that you would like to find recipes. I'll be more then happy to help you find cheaper replacements on line. Heck, I'll even make up some recipes and let you know how they taste-well I'll get dh to taste test the recipes, he's pickyer then I am.

You should really speak with the leader because you are playing "he said, she said" it's difficult to convey feelings well with that. Does that sound like something she would say to someone, "mind your own business"? or did your friend read more into it? Do you like the leader of this group? Just because you've been with her for awhile doesn't mean that you are friends.

Don't call her anymore after meeting hours. Maybe go early to a meeting and talk with others before the meetings, get feedback from people who have been in similiar situations.

[Koshka]

I agree the leader should not have discussed you with another member. I would talk to her though because you don't really know for sure what happened.

As a practical matter she probably shouldn't have offered to be there 24/7. That said, WW leaders are basically trained to do group meetings and provide group support. I don't think that they can really do all that much on the individual level beyond the easy stuff -- answering questions about the program, talking about strategies for plateaus, etc. Basically the stuff you get in the meeting.


All of that said -- if she said what your friend reported -- I could certainly see how someone could have said that about me at some of the times that I struggled.

When I became a lifetime member I really struggled for the last parts of my weight loss. I spent a lot of time up 2 pounds, down 3 pounds, up 1 pound, down 2 pounds, up 2 pounds, etc. I kept a chart of my weight loss and then there would be a gap and I would gain 8 pounds and then have to lose it to get back to where it was. I felt I tried everything with the program at the time (this was in the exchange days). I would try exercising and then not exercising. I varied how much I ate, etc. At the end of the day, though, it wasn't the program so much that I needed to change. What I needed to change was me and I had to realize that what made the most difference was how committed I was to making weight loss the most important thing to me. I also had to be realistic about the fact that the weight was just going to come off more slowly for that last 10 pounds and to lower my expectations.

Anyway, it may be that a different meeting/leader would help. I've certainly found that some leaders were better for me at different stages than others.

[Somni]

I would say you need to talk to her, face to face. It would be hasty to write someone off that was a significant part of your weight loss journey without talking about it. It's hard to say what her perspective is, or state of mind. Or what, if anything, was lost in translation between her and your friend.

And really just soul search and make sure how much of it is really about the meeting/leader. You are making a decision while your perception is colored by some intense feelings hanging over you and that doesn't always result in clear-headedness. Maybe it really is time to move on. But, at the same time, it's easier to look for external things to fix and change as a distraction from the things within ourselves we need to address.