I am so frustrated, confused, and angry with myself...
Hey everybody. I am pretty much a "lurker" I pop over and do alot of reading for ideas, answers, and motivation. Thank you all for what I take away from your posts.
I am a professional "chronic" dieter! I will work my tail off for a few months... show massive dedication and drive. Then I seem to just get off track one day... and that is it. It is over... back to my impulsive and obsessive eating habits.
Why? Do I not want it badly enough? Do I want to stay fat? Why do I do this to myself?
I think because I have SO MUCH to lose, I get bored with the one to two pounds a week. (I lose a lot up front, which mostly water weight) I want to weigh (ultimate goal 160) I weigh 260 right now. That is a HUNDRED pounds that I want gone TOMORROW. SO is that the problem?
I am getting myself on track AGAIN... eating right and exercising.
Can I get some insight? Be honest with me... because right now I am thinking I need to get checked into some mental facility!
Thank you, in advance, for your help.
Tracie
260/260/160
Momma to four who run on earth, and three who soar in heaven!
Missing my Ella....
You can't possibly lose 100 pounds by tomorrow, but just remember - 100 is really 1 + 1 + 1 + 1.... and that is the only way to get there!
When you have previously dieted, do you tend to deprive yourself of sweets/carbs/etc.? Maybe that is the problem. Eating less of these things, instead of cutting them out completely, will help you stay on the right track instead of bingeing then giving up.
I would sit down, take out a piece of paper & pencil, and form some concrete thoughts - write down your goals, what plan you will implement to achieve them, what is going to be DIFFERENT this time around...and whatever else you feel you need to tell yourself! Remember that you are making a lifestyle change - no "diets" allowed!
Hey Tracie, I never did weight watchers, but for 20 years I would diet, lose some weight, stop dieting, gain the weight back, repeat.
What finally worked for me was giving up on the idea of a diet. That might sound trite, but it really worked for me.
All my life, I wanted to diet for a short time and then eat normal. Diets were restrictive and punitive, I hated them and couldn't wait for them to be over. My food choices were limited, I was usually hungry, I couldn't participate in social situations, etc etc.
So, I was able to muster a lot of motivation and willpower to endure a diet, and I usually had some initial success that kept me motivated a little longer. After awhile, I always "stopped dieting" and returned to the normal way of eating that made me heavy in the first place. Motivation and willpower were not enough for me to keep eating a severely restricted diet, eventually (and rightly so) my body would rebel and DEMAND food. It would want fast, quick energy food and I would seek out sugary carby food and I would binge, and boom, diet over again.
So, what did work? After 20 years, wrapping my head around the idea that my "normal" way of eating made me heavy and I had to change that. No more punitive, restrictive, long term diets. I had to find something sustainable, that was easy to follow and made me happy. I think this part is very personal and unique to the individual, I can tell you what worked for me, but it might not work for you.
I found out that I like structure and planning. So, I plan my meals in advance and do a lot of pre-work. I make all my lunches on Sunday evening, for example. I also don't mind cooking, so I started exploring the huge resource that is the internet for healthy, really honestly delicious recipes. I didn't want to change radically, so I looked at the foods I did eat (lots of pasta, quesadillas, stir fries) and concentrated on making healthier versions of my regular food.
I also made it a point to learn about portion sizes. I have measuring cups, spoons and a food scale and they are STILL after 4 years, my main arsenal against over eating.
I also spent some time analyzing why I ate and when. I found out that unlike a lot of people that struggle with night time eating, I am an afternoon snacker. So I came up with strategies/techniques for coasting with my desire to nosh all afternoon.
Most importantly, although I really did want to lose weight, I concentrated on my long term health - eating foods to make me the healthiest person I could be, avoiding foods that offer little nutritional benefit.
I made some tough choices based on what I could live with - I can live without fast food, I can't live without red wine. I can live without soda, I can't live without the occasional nice dessert in a restaurant. I built my "must haves" into my lifetime healthy lifestyle.
My entire goal was built around the idea of losing weight AND KEEPING IT OFF. I didn't want to lose some weight and then gain it back (because it is always so heartbreaking), I wanted to lose weight, be healthy and live as a slender woman for the rest of my life. Every choice I made, every plan, every strategy was created with this big point in mind. Losing weight is hard, but keeping the weight off is most difficult challenge.
I hear you about getting bored with 1-2 lbs per week, but a 2 lb loss is amazing. You ever heard that old chestnut - you can't get a great product, built quickly for cheap? I think weight loss is like that.
It is worth it though, it took me over 16 months (not to freak you out) to lose my 70 lbs. Whatever happened, that time was going to pass. At the end of the 16 months, I could weigh 127 lbs or I could weigh 200 lbs. I'm glad I went with sticking it out, it was definitely definitely worth it.
Good luck, I think the hardest thing is permanent change. We live in a culture of quick quick quick easy meal gratification and it is so bad for us. You have to WANT to get off that bus and it takes so much work to live healthy. More meal planning, more trips to the grocery store, more saying no to the Girl Scouts, less fast food, smaller portion sizes, and becoming informed.
I have always been like you described, a chronic dieter. I think the difference with what I am doing this time is that I have both short term and long term goals. Short term goals rule because they keep you focused on what you can do now, and you celebrate the small victories like they were the big ones. A good example of how a short term goal helped me tremendously was the one my leader helped me set the week after memorial day. She said something like, "There are 14 weeks between Memorial Day (May 26) and Labor Day (Sept 1) and that is traditionally seen as the summer vacation. Where do you want to be when summer is over? What do you want to have achieved in your weight loss? Think about it?" I wasn't sure, so I asked her what would be a reasonable rate of weight loss, so I wouldn't fail and get discouraged. And she said that perhaps one way of looking at it is to take an average of your weight loss per week so far. I did and realized I was doing an average of 2.27 pounds a week! So I felt safe to set a goal of 1- 2 pounds a week. So I would lose between 14 and 24 pounds. That gave me something concrete to work towards.
But here comes that amazing thing. I found myself so much more motivated. I had some really challenging weeks ahead. Summer drama: husband on vacation; A/C failing; lots of invitations to parties, etc. But that was the whole point of why my leader helped us set this goal: summer can have its own challenges to our weight loss and we can get hot, feel listless, not want to cook, not want to exercise, and lose our motivation. So this goal really did help keep me focused and motivated!
I'm also thinking about my 10% goal. I thought I was going to reach it this past Monday at weigh-in, because I only have less than 2 pounds to lose. And I worked really hard that week to stay on plan! But the scale only showed a .6 loss! I had a moment of disappointment, but then I just thought about achieving it the next week.
After I reach the 10% goal, I'll set another shorter term goal.
But I have my overall goal in mind too. I am not only thinking of reaching that number on the scale, but I am considering that maintenance is actually more difficult than losing the weight in the first place. So I consider myself to be in training now, over this year+ process of losing weight. I need to train my body to exercise an hour every day. I am working up to that as my ultimate goal, because I know that without significant exercise, I'll never keep the weight off. I also am thinking of how I can learn to cook and eat in ways that will sustain maintenance forever. So I have to learn what satisfies me for the long term. There are so many good foods out there. I want to learn what is good for my body and tastes great.
I feel like I am more serious this time about changing my lifestyle and doing whatever it takes to have optimal health and a healthy body weight. I used to never set goals except a vague and unpleasant idea of "I can't believe I'd ever get that thin".
We live in a culture of quick quick quick easy meal gratification and it is so bad for us. You have to WANT to get off that bus and it takes so much work to live healthy. More meal planning, more trips to the grocery store, more saying no to the Girl Scouts, less fast food, smaller portion sizes, and becoming informed.
Every time I read a post by Glory I just get so inspired and motivated! Everything she said is perfect, I just wanted to add one small thing - yes, it is work to get out of that "quick, quick, quick" rut but once you stop telling yourself how hard it is, you might be surprised (as I was) to find that cooking up some fresh whole wheat pasta, chopping a few veggies to toss in, and sprinkling on a little spice actually doesn't take much more time than making a pan of Hamburger Helper.
The other thing I discovered is that the only thing I had to give up in order to make time for preparing the healtheir food was sitting in front of the TV with a bag of chips
Kimberly,
I realized that I am QUITE radical in my "rules" for myself! "no more chocolate, no coffee, no more whatever." I read that working in an alloted "treat" like a little oz of chocolate to your calories or points for the day helps you not be all obsessed with not eating the chocolate. Thank you for you advise, I think I'll be writing out my hopes and goals. Glory,
I really appreciated your being able to relate to me. I was truly impressed that after four years, you are still measuring! I think I hate that journaling, measuring, and thinking about every bite can get quite tediousness, so much that I put that in the "only for awhile, then I can go back to normal" category. Which obviously, is where I derail. So I am thinking that I need to realize that it might seem tedious, but it is what I will do to protect my investment into my health and happiness! It isnt a "punishment", but a tool.
But I have to say my FAVORITE thing you said was " that the tie will pass either way" Seriously, how many YEARS have I spent thinking and saying.. "I don't want to spent a year or two working on y fat butt!" Well those years passed me by anyway! As simple as it sounds... that was a truly brilliant realization you gave me today. Like it took the ugliness out of how long it might take me to do this.... thank you. Thesusanone,
Thank you so much for reminding me that I have to set myself up to succeed! Smaller goals are so much more obtainable that one big scary one that is so far away!
I agree with the idea that this world is so obsessed with "right now" that it is hard to not fall victim to expecting that of weight loss too. Look at the biggest loser, I LOVE that show! But you see very large people turn into very small people in a matter of weeks! I know that they actually exercise allll day (with trainers) and have no worldly distractions... but it still makes me want to lose a hundred pounds in 18 weeks too!
I feel renewed... and inspired to think and truly decide where my goals lie. Is it to wear a size 10, or is it MORE about being able to enjoy my life to the fullest.... not living in this "oh I cant do this or that until I am skinny" depression? I have four kids that deserve a fun active me... not a self conscious side line me....
I am so grateful! THANK YOU ALL
I will be here checking in with you alot!
~Tracie
Momma to four here on earth, and three angels in heaven!
Well, Just call me Tracie I have always been like you! Finally one day I changed that, and you can too. Everyones insight is really great information and advice for you. I am in the same boat as you, I want 36 lbs gone tomorrow but I realize that is impossible!! I have lost 74 pounds and I am coming to the realize to give myself credit for that and not to beat myself up over it. Its hard but I am learning. I actually just got this great book it is called The Beck Diet Solution by Dr. Judith S. Beck, I would encourage you to purchase this book, it is excellent, and there is a forum on here for it where everyone talks back and forth daily about what they learnt, because its a 42 day step by step book on "thinking thin". I would say set your goal a little lower, like start off by wanting to lose 10% of your body weight, don't think about 160, think about being 260-26 lbs. Believe me it will come sooner than you think, then once u hit that, try another 10% of that body weight! I have been going to a dietition for 2 years now once a week, so as you can tell I have only done so- so because realisticly I should have hit my goal weight of 175 twice by now, but hey its all one step at a time, the most you can do is wake up and imagine a great day and enjoying healthy foods and perhaps getting some exercise! I want to wish you good luck, and I know you can do it, because we all can, it all depends on our mindset, you need to be ready to lose this weight. So I would take the time to write some things out, something you can always look at, like goals, and what you would buy for clothes when you reach your goal, and how to reward yourself for a 2 or 3lbs loss (other than food), just a nice way to treat yourself, it really does help. Also write down the foods you love and crave (like for me its peanut butter, or chinese food) and find a way to mix that in with your new lifestyle of healthy eating about once a month....it really does help, then you dont feel so deprived and you know you deserve that little bit extra!! Good luck chicky!
Glory,
I really appreciated your being able to relate to me. I was truly impressed that after four years, you are still measuring! I think I hate that journaling, measuring, and thinking about every bite can get quite tediousness, so much that I put that in the "only for awhile, then I can go back to normal" category. Which obviously, is where I derail. So I am thinking that I need to realize that it might seem tedious, but it is what I will do to protect my investment into my health and happiness! It isnt a "punishment", but a tool.
Hey Tracie - like I said, it's a really personal journey. You may decide that measuring does NOT work for you and that's okay! If it makes you feel any better, I don't measure EVERYTHING, I just measure the calorically dense foods that are hard for me to eyeball - rice, pasta, cereal, nuts are the biggies. I still count calories, but after doing this for 4 years, I'm pretty familiar with the foods I eat and it's much much easier. I just do a running estimate in my head during the day, it doesn't seem like hard work.
You hit the nail on the head with the "only for awhile, then back to normal" thought - my normal now looks NOTHING like my normal then. BUT I like my current normal, it doesn't have to be a terrible thing! It probably works better when it's not, heh
You should come hang out on the Maintainer's Forum, you are definitely welcome. Anyone that loses 1 lb and wants to keep that 1 lb off is a maintainer. Everyone that posts in that forum has to work on managing their weight loss, every day. It helps inspire me when I get the "mehs" about making lunches or going to pick up more yogurt.
I look at it like this - if I could eat without thinking about what I ate, I would have been thin. Obviously, I need to think about what I eat in order to be thin.
I am so frustrated, confused, and angry with myself...
Thank you all for what I take away from your posts.
