Help! I was doing so well and then I “took a break” for Xmas and now its February and the weight is climbing again. I need a friendly word from someone to encourage me to get back on track. Even though I lost nearly 6 stone I still have a long way to go (250+) I know how easy and quickly that weight can come back. I can feel the pain starting again in my lower back and ankles from the increased weight and yet for some reason I seem determined to ignore my own warnings to myself. I think I need another person who understands the real misery of severe obesity to tell me to get a grip. I am watching myself self-destruct and a slow form of suicide is taking over again. At my heaviest I was invisible, almost a non-entity. Then the comments began “oh you look so much better” and “you must never get that heavy again”etc…. The strangest thing is I really disliked the attention I got and I know they were being pleasant and encouraging but I felt irritated with them. As any heavily obese person will know we can lose a lot of lbs without it really being noticeable to anyone. I was really motivated and didn’t need nor get any words of encouragement from anyone else in the first year. All of a sudden everyone has an opinion on my weight loss and it puts me in an aggressive frame of mind, which is my unreasonableness and not their fault. Please give me some encouragement to take control again and to accept that “they mean well”.
First of all I'd like to send you a huge hug. I could feel the despiration in your words, and I have been there, and some times I'm still there. I'm extremely obese, and know all the pains and agonies that go with it. The swelling, shortness of breath, back aches. I can share with you what I do when I feel myself getting off track. First thing is I drag out my journal, and if I havent written in a while, then I start. I'm an emotional eater. Anything, happiness, sadness, lonilness, I want to eat. So, instead of pilling the food in my mouth, I fill the journal with words about how I'm feeling. Now dont just journal on bad days, but those days you feel really good and strong. You absolutely need to put those in there. Then on the bad days, you can read back over them.
In my opinion you already took the first and hardest step, you asked for help. So many years I thought I could do this on my own, but you know what, I cant. No one can. We, as humans need that support from other warm caring souls.
If you ever want to talk, just PM me, and we will chat.
Francesca, I know how you feel. I was doing well on WW also and then I got off track due to an auto accident and injury. I am just starting over now too. I gained all but 6 of my lost pounds back in a year and I started at 300lbs.
Funny thing about you being aggrivated by people commenting on your weightloss. I had lost about 30 pounds and I was annoyed because noone said ANYTHING!
As long as you are not uncomfortable with their comments about your looking good, I say it's OK to be anoyed! Of course, I am no therapist, but I know exactly what you are saying. I get those comments from my family mostly. They are underhanded compliments.. Like, oh you must never be that heavy again (underneath I read: So you lost weight, lose some more and don't dare gain any back.)
We must all do this on our own terms and in our own time. Please feel free to message me also if you need some extra support!
Gina
Francesca, you've taken your first step reaching out to us in this website. I know exactly how you feel about invisibility. In everything I do or say, someone else gets credit and I get lost in the shuffle. The irony in all of this, physically I'm the tallest and biggest person at home and at work. Last year I lost 20lbs and all of sudden I'm noticed. It's worst with men. Ten years ago I lost 50lbs and all of sudden they're interested. I know in part my attitude changed and probably smiled more, but I resented the change. I was exactly the same person inside. Needless to say I gained the weight back and more.
I'm not on the weight watcher program, but follow Richard Simmons foodmover program which basically is the same principle--a balanced diet of controlled proportions. I exercise to his video tapes. I have 100+ lbs to lose. Akasha's suggestion of journalizing is a good idea. I started 2 weeks ago and after two days of withdrawal. I slid back into the bad habits. This week, I'm journalizing and it's an eye opener. I also take small steps. First, drink water. Second, veggies. Third, exercise. It helped and wasn't as overwhelming.
If you need to talk, continue on this thread or message me.
I agree with Prism. Sometimes it is better to concentrate on one aspect of program at a time.... First drink water, then add Journal after you are comfortable with water... etc, etc...
G
Your post really moved me. I know exactly what you mean about being invisible and then being noticed...I was very resentful towards people that couldn't be bothered with me when I was heavier...but I have learned one thing...I'm not doing this for other people...I am doing this for me. Screw them! Rejoice in how good it makes YOU feel to be lighter and let their comments fall on deaf ears! The way I see it, if they have the nerve to give their "left-handed compliments" I can be just as nervy right back by ignoring them. I am learning that I DO have opinions and they DO count and I must look within and not outwardly for love and acceptance. Love yourself. I think that's what it all boils down to. Take baby steps and be proud of every little accomplishment!
Gosh, your post hit home with me. I just went through some pretty stressful things in my life that uprooted me from my home and required me to take on a new job. Although I doing some things right, my eating and exercise habits are looking mighty bad. So, like everyone here has advised, let's start with the baby steps, perhaps make it a "game" if that helps motivate you and move forward. And, I understand how comments from other people can be frustrating even if they are "compliments". Baby steps... baby steps...
Sometimes I think we don't know what we really want. I have well over 100 lb to lose and it's a difficult struggle, made even harder by the fact that I'm diabetic and hypo-thyroid. That darned fat just doesn't want to move. I've lost nearly 20 lb and not a soul has noticed. In one way I'm a little ticked off but on the other hand I know how I react when I do get noticed.
Many years ago I got almost to my goal weight. To give my hubby credit, he treated me no different when I was slim than he had when I was fat except that he took to picking me up and packing me off to bed. Instead of being thrilled about that, a little voice in my head grumbled "So what was I before...chopped liver?" (Not admitting that he never could have done it 100 pounds ago) And, on the rare occasion when any other man would tell me how great I looked I'd think to myself "And a year ago, you didn't even see me in the room. My opinions were ignored. I was invisible. Suddenly, because I'm slim, my opinions are sought?" Did I never consider that possibly I was so busy trying NOT to be noticed when I was overweight that my efforts succeeded and when I lost the pounds, I was more confident and outgoing?
We who are extremely obese have...and let's face it, we really DO have a problem with self esteem. Part of the reason we're fat is that we've been trying to build a protective wall around ourselves against all kinds of threats, whether it's been pressure to advance in our careers, sexual harrassment, desire to hide from responsibilities, laziness...whatever. Could it be we think we're not good enough to be noticed and want to hide or do we think we just don't deserve any compliments or praise on anything we do? Who knows how or why we got this way. I think one of the first things we have to work on, even before losing weight, is our self perception. We have to somehow believe to our very core that we really do deserve to have a good, long, healthy, happy life and, if compliments come our way as we lose the weight, we have to learn to accept them gracefully and in the spirit I'm sure they were intended. Most people don't want to hurt our feelings. Most people say those things because they are so happy for us to be looking and feeling healthier. They don't really understand that saying to us "Don't ever gain it back" is like waving a red flag at a bull. We are SO TERRIFIED of gaining it back that we end up sabotaging ourselves every time. I can't count the number of times I've been close to goal and for some STOOPIT reason, let it all go to ****, gaining back more than I'd lost. It's not just getting to goal, it's staying there and we have to get in the right mindset to do that as we go through the weight loss journey, NOT wait until we're at goal and wondering what next?
My heart goes out to you, Francesca. I'm also available to chat or share e-mails. We'll tackle this problem together. The next time we get a compliment for ANYTHING, write it in your journal. Write how it made you feel and why you felt that way.
Also, you might want to post to our 250 Plus thread in this forum. We're all struggling with over 250 lb, some doing better than others but we're very supportive.
Good luck.
LindaBC
Self Destruction
Instead of being thrilled about that, a little voice in my head grumbled "So what was I before...chopped liver?" (Not admitting that he never could have done it 100 pounds ago) And, on the rare occasion when any other man would tell me how great I looked I'd think to myself "And a year ago, you didn't even see me in the room. My opinions were ignored. I was invisible. Suddenly, because I'm slim, my opinions are sought?" Did I never consider that possibly I was so busy trying NOT to be noticed when I was overweight that my efforts succeeded and when I lost the pounds, I was more confident and outgoing?
