So, this turned out to be a very interesting and emotional weekend.
We stayed in a condo right off the slopes with about 20 other people. There were 11 of us sleeping in the loft - in bunk beds, futons and on the floor. Not my idea of luxury! I hate sleeping with that many people in the room, but I suppose beggars can't be choosers! The whole trip (condo, lift tickets, food, rentals, everything) was paid for by a company my husband does business with, so I'm very grateful, even as I complain.
The ski day started out horribly. I had to rent equipment, because mine is long gone. In spite of my weight loss, it turns out that I still have bigger than normal calves. I had a lot of trouble finding boots that fit. The rental place was very busy, so getting someone to help fit me was difficult. Instead of adjusting things properly, the man helping everyone get boots would just keep bringing me boots in a larger size to fit my calves, even though they were too big for my feet. Finally, we got a pair to kind of fit and even though they hurt like ****, I figured I'd try to ski with them. Frankly, I was feeling humiliated by that point and was just trying not to burst into tears. Everyone was waiting for me and I was embarassed. Here I was, about 90 pounds thinner, and still in the same boat I have been in for so many years - the fat girl who just wants to be normal. I found myself unable to be assertive about getting proper boots, because the old fat feelings were back with a vengeance. I've worked very hard on learning to value and respect myself as I've lost weight and yet, somehow, the fat girl I once again became in that shop didn't deserve to be treated respectfully. I kept thinking about how hard I've worked and how it seemed like it was all for nothing. Unreasonable and untrue, I know, but that's how it felt at the time. I sat in that rental shop and fought tears because I didn't want to call more attention to myself than I already had by having fat calves. As a matter of fact, as I type this right now, I'm trying not to cry. It was tough.
When we finally left the shop and headed for the lift line, my boot wouldn't click into the binding. I tried all kinds of things, but it just wouldn't work. I told my daughter and husband to go ahead and ski and I'd meet them later. I was feeling like, "why should they suffer just because my calves are too fat?"
Back to the rental shop I went. This time, another guy helped me. As I explained the problem to him, tears started falling. I couldn't help it. It was so embarassing! If any of you knew me in real life, you'd be so shocked, because very few people have seen me cry. Anyway, he was very kind to me. I explained the problem with the boot to him, thinking I'd just have to return the equipment since I'd tried on so many different boots already. He assured me it was their problem and that of course he could get me outfitted. He returned with another pair of boots (ones that I'd already tried on) and started adjusting them. Because I was still embarrassed by my tears, I told him about my weightloss and workouts. I told him how much I've lost and how excited and nervous I was for this trip. He asked all kinds of questions and told another guy in the shop about me. I ended up getting high fived by all these nice ski shop guys. I went from feeling horrible about myself and the situation to feeling genuine respect from these men. And, I ended up with properly adjusted, comfortable ski boots that worked with the bindings.
As for skiing, it's like riding a bike. Yep, I was good. Really good. It was simply amazing to me that the old form came right back. My quads were screaming, my calves (yeah, those darn fat calves!) were on fire and my knees were cracking. It was fun! All those workouts really have paid off (yes of course I do quad work, Jiffypoo
). I'm a little sore in my calves today, but that's it. My sweet husband can hardly walk.
One more thing (and you thought this post coudn't get longer) - when we were hanging around the condo the next morning, some of the guys started talking about how they can't do much quad work at the gym anymore because of their bad knees. I was able to show them alternative exercises so they can still train, despite their knees. Have I told you guys that I'm starting classes to become a personal trainer? That's another story for another post, but it felt great to be able to use some of what I've learned to help other people. I felt like a two completely different people in one weekend - fat, crying girl in the rental shop, fit, toned girl in the condo. I'm sure the truth is somewhere in the middle.
If you've read this far, you're amazing! I knew 3FC and the Weightloss forum was one of the few places where people would really understand how I felt this weekend. Thanks for letting me get it all out here!
Chickadee
Wish Me Luck!
May the luck of the Irish be with you Chickadee! Have a great time!
