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Perception issues

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Old 02-28-2005, 09:42 AM   #1
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Default Perception issues

Good morning everyone,

Wanted to check in and see if anyone had a similar experience or ideas about this.

I am almost four years postop. I have not lost a pound (other than brief returns to weight watchers) for 2.5 years. I am okay with where I settled, but would still like to lose another 30 lb someday. Obviously it is not a pressing priority or I would have done it already!

For the past 1-2 years I have been doing what "non WLS maintainers" do. Watching what I eat in relation to my weight. Going up and down the scale the same 10 lb over and over. I am working hard to exercise, eat right, and keep from regaining.

Many, many times when I see people they comment that I am still losing, wonder when I will stop losing, bla bla bla. When I comment that I am struggling to maintain, they "scold" me and say I should just accept their comments.

First, I wonder why these people think I am still losing. I have worn the same clothing size for 2.5 years. Occasionally they get tight, and I fight hard to nip that in the bud. They never get loose.

I think my own perceptions are correct. Clothing size and scale seem to correlate. I think I am right to be concerned and to monitor my weight. If I wasn't doing that, I am positive I would have had a significant regain by now.

I take my vitamins regularly and think I appear healthy. Sometimes my face appears a bit drawn to me, but I think that is a function of having lost so much weight.

Anyone else get similar comments?

Dawna
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Old 02-28-2005, 06:20 PM   #2
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Hi Dawna,

Good post!

I have decided that most people are just clueless. I think they don't really pay that much attention to what you're wearing or anything else. I think they just have an image stuck in their mind of where you were and what they see now and that's what they are commenting on, without thinking about all the struggles and effort in between. They probably still remember the bigger you and are comparing your new physique to your pre-surgery self. It's probably their way of handing you a compliment.

I know that as I am starting to get comments from people, I want to scream "are you blind or what?" at them since they obviously don't see things too well. I am having a lot of trouble seeing the changes in myself, so when someone tells me that I'm looking good, it's hard not to tell them how very wrong they are, even though intellectually I know I look better. It's just taking some time to sink in. I am working on accepting compliments without saying, "yeah but I still have 50 pounds to go!" Too much information!

I think it must be the hardest part of the whole weightloss process to let ourselves realize that yeah, we do look good and accept comments and compliments gracefully. If anyone out there has it down completely, post and let me know how you do it!

Dawna, you are an inspiration. Your weightloss and more importantly, ability to maintain, give me hope that it really can be done. Keep it up!

Chickadee
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Old 02-28-2005, 11:13 PM   #3
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<sigh> i have no answers. no clues. i've recently been in the same situation, dawna.. pants getting snug not loose, and people telling me i've lost weight. but as with everything about my appearance, i ignore them. who am i kidding? i ignore MYSELF which has always been a major issue, and is something i'm working on..

i like the pants-o-meter method better than the scale. it's real to me... my vote: go with your gut [pardon the pun!!!!]

chickadeedee's right: most people are absolutely clueless...
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Old 03-01-2005, 02:41 AM   #4
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Wow, heavy stuff. I know this is a hard one, Dawna. Chikadee is absolutely right, the pants-o-meter is the best measure. I've had friends who have lost significant amounts of weight in different fashions. One of these such friends gets comments that she has lost way too much weight, although she is a very healthy size 10 and eats very "responsibly" and exercises lightly to moderately every day. She has lost 110 lbs on her own and looks absolutely great, but other people make comments. Including about her to continue to lose weight, even though she's settled at 135 lbs for the past year and some change now. I've even had my own bit of trouble with that. Pre-op I was 265, 2 days post-op I was a little over 290. I have hit my first plateau at 235 about 2 weeks ago. I'm ok with the plateau, I fully expected it, but what I didn't expect during this time is for my body to be re-proportioning this entire time and to still be losing inches. I finally had to admit to myself I was actually losing weight when my husband walked up behind me and completely yanked my jeans down one morning. So far, admitting it to myself is the hardest thing. And I can tell you from experience, there will always be someone who's going to tell you that you're still losing, even 5 years from now. The memory can be very tricky, especially when it's the not the one looking in the mirror, putting on the pants, or stepping on the scale every day. Try your best to take their compliments simply as "Wow, you look great!", because I have a feeling that you can become horribly depressed about it if you can't let it go. Nothing like being your own worst critic, lol.

Angie
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