I went shopping yesterday. I don't buy clothes very often, because they outgrow me pretty quick. I have a huge range of clothes (in all sizes) in my closet. I always had intentions of loosing weight. So, I have a collection of clothes that resulted from my outgrowing things. Most of them aren't really in style anymore, but now I keep them so that I can wear them just one more time. Anyway, I decided that I wanted to get a couple of things that were in style, instead of wearing something that's too big, and I don't really have much in the size that I'm in right now. Allen and I were planning on going out to dinner, so I wanted something that looked nice. So, I picked out 4 outfits. Three of them were size 16, one was an outfit that I fell in love with, but it was a size 14, and "my luck" it was the only one that they had. I decided to try on the size 14 just to see how close I was to being able to wear it. When I tried on the size 16's.... the first one was too big :jaw So, I tried on the second, from the same manufacturer, and it was too big. I figured, well they just make things on the large size. I tried on the third (different manufacturer), it was also too big. So I got to the one that I really liked but was a size 14. While I was pulling on the skirt, I was thinking, there's no way this is going to fit, so don't let it make me upset. Once I got the skirt on, and it zipped, I got a huge lump in my throat and started to feel my eyes water up. IT FIT!!!! I didn't cry, but I was close. So when I walked out of my dressing room there was also another lady comming out of another stall.
I was still holding it together, still had the lump in my throat, and still had that "close to crying" feeling. Then the sales lady walked in, looked at me, and asked if I was okay. I tried to speak, but nothing came out, and busted out crying instead. I'm sure the sales lady and the other lady that was in there must have thought I had lost my mind. The store is the PX on base (you have to be military or military spouse/child to buy anything there), and I have to say that most of us ladies have a kindred spirit. So, the other lady (the customer) walked over and put her arm around me. She kept saying, "it's going to be fine, I promise it's going to be fine." We have a large portion of our base deployed, so my feeling is that she thought my emotion was somehow related to that. Just her doing this made me even more emotional, and it was even harder to speak. Inside I was laughing and thinking how much I wish that I could explain to her that these were happy tears, but her act of kindness was so overwhelming, that it just made the lump in my throat much bigger. Finally, I was able to get it together enough to explain that I've lost 74 pounds, and had just put on a dress that I was abslolutely convinced wouldn't fit, but did. It felt like it took 20 minutes to get out one sentence. Then the whole mood changed, and they acted so excited for me. So, after talking a little, I gave the clothes that didn't fit to the sales lady and walked around trying to get a hold of myself, so that I could continue shopping. I was still crying, but not sobbing.....just still felt overwhelmed. I bought the dress, btw. And, some cool new in style shoes that have extra pointy toes. Something else that I haven't been able to wear. When you are overweight, wearing high heels is not easy. It's a balance thing, so I haven't worn high heels in a long time. I ended up having puffy blood shot eyes and a cry headache. But, I was floating on for the rest of the day. I still am today. I even put the dress on again this morning for a few minutes to make sure that I wasn't dreaming. Oh, then to top it off, when I got home I thought, since that dress fits I going to see that that size 12 dress of Brittany's that I like so much will fit. It's a sort of stretchy feminine dress, and it was actually loose.
I'm so happy for you! Isn't it amazing to go into a dressing room hoping against hope that something will fit, only to find that it's too big. I'm at the same point - not quite believing when something fits, secretly wondering if it isn't mismarked. Gotta get my mind around my new shape.
I still haven't tried actual grown-up, pointy shoes. I think you're very brave! Of course, here in my neck of laid-back Colorado, dressed up is when I don't have on tennis shoes!
oh honey - what a wonderful story!!!!! i STILL have a couple of things that fit me 250+ pounds ago - we lose weight so quickly that it's next to impossible for our minds and emotions to keep up.
sooooo. keep doing what you're doing. be gentle with yourself. trust the sales ladies to give you reality checks. shop with someone who knows what you've been going through. it's time to LEAN on someone else so you can literally regain your balance and sense of reality.
Start your day with a smile, and get it over with.
Keeping it off is a hundred decisions a day that help you maintain what you achieved. And that's the hard part. - L Sanders
start: 506 [Sept 2001]
weight at gastric bypass [Jan 29, 2002]: 409
current weight: 225
weight for plastic surgery: 200
final goal: 180
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