new person struggling

[red65]

Wow, this post is old but when it was started I was already on my 2nd surgery and had been for a while. My story is long and filled with good and horrible and it makes me ashamed but at the same time I feel it should be told. I think I may be a prime candidate for "what not to do when you suddenly can't eat".

I had a VBG (stomach stapling) on 9/30/97. My highest weight was 320 but I discovered I was diabetic and started losing weight to about 270 by drastically limiting calories, fat and sugar. At 270 I hit a wall and couldn't get below it so I turned to WLS. Within 6 months I was down 88lbs and at 5ft 8in I looked pretty good. I was in a size 12 and I discovered something I had NEVER had. Self-esteem. Prior to this I had been over 200lbs since I was 10 or 11 so this was truly virgin fat. Life was good for a while. I noticed I started to get hungry faster and while I was still restricted in what I could hold it wasn't long before I was ravenous. I contacted my surgeon and was told in no uncertain terms that whatever the problem was it was MY fault and not the surgery. I lived for the next year in shame as weight started creeping back on. Finally in 1999 I went to see another surgeon about a revision to gastric bypassed. They did an upper GI on me and the tech was astounded because the staples were there, you could see the food go in the pouch and then literally just FALL to the lower stomach. My surgeon did an endoscopy on me and told me that I was NOT to blame, that somehow my silastic ring had disappeared and there was no way for me to lose weight like that.

Battled a little with the insurance company but had my gastric bypass 5/22/00. I dropped to 160 (literally half of my fattest self.) I saw 159 for a day or so and was comfy in size 10 jeans. I squeezed myself into size 8 just to say I could but I couldn't walk or breathe LOL!.

Now comes the bad stuff. A couple months before this surgery I made a huge mistake. I married someone who I knew wasn't good for me. He was an alcoholic who would get mean and verbally abusive when drunk. I didn't think I was "addicted" to food but soon realized that I used it for comfort and with a brand new bypass I couldn't do that. I fought him and his drinking and finally figured "if I can't beat him I'll just join him" and stupidly started drinking with him. Let me say right now this is a HUGE no-no for bypassers. I quickly developed a tolerance for it, could drink him under the table and started depending on it to chill then to sleep. I became an alcoholic somewhere around late 2001 or 2002. I left him but my drinking progressed until I couldn't go more than a couple of hours without a drink without starting to shake and have withdrawals. My life was a living H*LL and I was terrified and ashamed. I am happy to say that I got sober 8/8/04 and am now over 7 years without a drink. I was 190 at that point and very malnurished (sp?) and had so much hairloss that I had bald spots.

Once I quit drinking I started putting on weight as I was able to eat without throwing up. My old comfort "food" was there waiting for me with open arms and I dived back in. I felt like I had come full circle.

Today I am at the 250 mark and desperately want to stop this progress and work my way down some. I'm a new member here and trying to read up and figure out what would best suit me.

My health today is awful as I have 16 different diagnosed illnesses and had a small stroke in June of 2008 while driving in Houston rush hour traffic. My life and health have never been the same. I am also severely anemic and have very bad arthritis, fibromyalgia, border-line diabetic, almost constant migraines. I haven't been able to work since 2009 and that depresses me which that plus just so much time on my hands have led me back to the horrible grazing habits of long ago.

I still can say I do not regret the bypass and would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I do wish I had been educated on how common transfer addictions are and would like to think had I know that I wouldn't have started drinking like I did. That is part of my reason for posting all this, to make others aware. Plus I need the support of this group.

If you have made it this far, thank you. I tend to post long and detailed messages and I hope they help others like they help me.

Take care,
Kellye

[jiffypop]

hi kellye - so sorry i missed seeing this! welcome aboard! you have certainly been through the mill - and you've made so very many decisions to heal yourself. you should hold your head high and be proud that you've learned so many lessons.

what's your plan to get you through this next phase? what kind of support do you have? and - the big Q - what do you need????

quite a few of us have regained, and are struggling with various degrees of success. we KNEW this wouldn't be easy - but wow. it's hard.

I also have some physical challenges, having developed atrial fibrillation. it's close to being controlled [finally] but building up stamina again isn't easy.

[red65]

Originally Posted by jiffypop

hi kellye - so sorry i missed seeing this! welcome aboard! you have certainly been through the mill - and you've made so very many decisions to heal yourself. you should hold your head high and be proud that you've learned so many lessons.

what's your plan to get you through this next phase? what kind of support do you have? and - the big Q - what do you need????

quite a few of us have regained, and are struggling with various degrees of success. we KNEW this wouldn't be easy - but wow. it's hard.

I also have some physical challenges, having developed atrial fibrillation. it's close to being controlled [finally] but building up stamina again isn't easy.

Hi Jiffypop and thank you!

Yes, most definitely I have been through the mill LOL! I try to use what I've gone through and what I've learned to help others either a) not go down the same path or b) realize that there is hope.

I just posted in the dieting with obstacles section on a post about exercise challenges that I have three out of four limbs in varying degrees of bad! So, I've started calorie counting and am doing ok so far. I signed up with loseit! and jumped into a challenge to keep myself going and I have my daughter here for inspiration. She has lost over 50lbs with calorie counting and exercise and she encourages me so much. When I wrote this post last month I was at 253, this morning I at 243 so I seem to be off to a good start. The biggest thing is remembering not to graze.

I think what I need most is hope. Hope that I can overcome this regain through diet alone since I am currently unable to exercise and I need motivation. I get motivation by participating in support groups either by helping others or reading what others are doing and finding things that might work for me too.

Thank you again for responding. I haven't gotten much in the way of responses to anything I've posted which had me feeling rather invisible so this helps more than you know!

Take care,
Kellye

[jiffypop]

Hi Kellye - as you see, your first post is now a separate thread. More people will see it and comment. And, I edited the first post in the poll thread [where this came from] to suggest that people who want to introduce themselves or who have Qs post something in the main part of the forum. I'm usually better at catching those comments up there, but I've been doing a lot of freelancing and haven't had a chance to do much clean up [fortunately, there usually isn't much! whew!]

anyway - i can really sympathize with you. I've gained a lot of weight because of the atrial fibrillation, which makes it very hard to move. I finally had a hissy fit with the cardiologists [rather than simply telling them that i was having problems and watching them write it into the chart!!!!]. They've hit the restart button, and I'm moving SO much better. Still not ready to walk a mile, but at least i can manage the grocery store. finally.

and have lost about 40 pounds in about 2 months! amazing what BREATHING will do to improve a girl's metabolism!

but i don't want to cook, and have very little interest in food [shock!], so that's another hurdle to deal with.

we'll get through it. we HAVE to!!!!

[bargoo]

Welcome Kellye and good luck ! Congratultions on being sober, by far the most important decision you can ever make.

[red65]

Thank you jiffypop. I hope my vote in the poll remains LOL!

I was told this week that I am probably looking at a total knee replacement in addition to both shoulders being messed up. I NEED to exercise but I don't know exactly what I can do. No lifting and no walking without severe pain. Any ideas anyone?

On a good note I weighed this morning and am at 240.2 so about 13lbs down from when I joined last month thank God!

Bargoo, thanks as well. I agree sobriety is precious and I guard it as such. I mainly posted about that as people should be aware of transfer addictions but I speak of it freely. No shame, it is what it is LOL!

Take care all!
Kellye

[Pag0206]

Weightloss is hard and I am glad to see you here. I understand your struggles. My husband had gastric bypass 10 years ago and is heavier now than before surgery. His emotional feelings with food was not addressed before surgery. You sound like your mind is in the right place now. Congrats on how far you have come. Keep it up you are doing awesome.

[Zeitgeist]

Kellye, thank you for sharing your story. It must feel very overwhelming to know where to start. I think I would focus on small daily goals instead of thinking of everything at once. In the past, I would try to change everything at once, burnout quickly, and then feel horrible for not "sticking to the plan."

Regarding your question on exercise, can you do any pool exercises? The lack of gravity in water might make exercise easier for you. My other thought is chair (seated) workouts. I think you could find some on youtube.

The good news is that you still have your tool, and while breaking habits is so hard to do, hopefully you'll be able to lose a bit following the "rules" of the pouch.

This is a great place for support. I wish you much luck!

[red65]

Thanks Jen! I hadn't thought about a pool. I used to do water aerobics before I had my weightloss surgeries and it was good. I don't have access to a pool currently or funds to join a gym that would but I am going to keep that in mind as I fully believe I could do something such as water aerobics as long as I don't jump or anything.

I will look into the wheelchair aerobics as well but with both shoulders being in very bad shape I am not sure what there might be but I love to research so maybe I can find something.

I REALLY appreciate the suggestions and if anyone else has any I am all ears!

I'm starting to get more and more motivated and while I am not trying to change the world overnight (because I struggle with burnout too!) I am finding it to be not as overwhelming as I thought initially because I do have support. I'm also logging my calories online and while I thought initially that I would find it very difficult to stay satisfied on lowered calories it really isn't. Of course it DOES require a thinking adjustment and I think that is what I was thinking was going to be so huge of a challenge. Anyways, thank you ALL for the welcomes and the encouragement! It means so much!

Take care!
Kellye

[Jen]

Hello Kellye. I don't have much to say except to sympathize that things have been rough for you and good for you on trying to work you way out of your difficulties! I just had my surgery last month and I think they have gotten better at addressing the emotional and psychological aspects of weight loss surgery. Where I am we have to meet with nutritionists and social workers before we get approved for surgery and also have 2 classes so that we have a good understanding of what we are getting into. Keep posting here at 3FC, there's nothing like it for people who are supportive and understanding. Best wishes!