[Jen]

Well I have been not having a great time since around Xmas. It was our year to have my husband's family over on Boxing Day, around 17 people in the house and I was baking and cooking up a storm. Actually I was fine until the day after and realized I had way, way too many cookies etc in the house and no way my family was going to be able to eat them all. My husband is also trying to lose weight and we are being careful with the kids how many treats they have. Should have tossed everything but I didn't. I gave some away but I nibbled here and nibbled there, using the excuse that once it was gone I would be back to my usual routine but once that carb monkey is on your back it is hard to get off. Anyway yesterday was so, so bad, I had a few handfuls of crackers and a bunch of chocolate chip cookies. Okay I know in the grand scheme of things it isn't like eating a quart of ice cream or a pound cake which I might have done in my former life but I had that self loathing feeling that I get when I know I have done wrong. I have still been losing but it has been slow and a lot of stalls. I had a PM from someone on another message board asking about my VSG and how it was going and I felt just terrible. I am remembering back to the chat I had with the surgeon and how he felt that I was motivated to make it work. Talk about feeling like a fraud!!! I am probably being overly harsh, to me it is not the amount that I ate but that I am on the slippery slope to gaining back what I have lost. Anyway it was a good kick in the pants that I needed to see that I have been fooling myself this past month and even though I've still been losing at a snail's pace that it will stop if I continue down this slope and I'll start gaining. That's not going to happen. I'm looking at all the things I have been doing this past month and why and dealing with it in a more constructive way than filling my face. Those Xmas cookies and treats were gone like 2 weeks ago so what since then?? I feel back on track and wanted to talk about it, it helps to get it out there and admit that I haven't been perfect, not that I ever expected to be perfect but I expected more from myself than this stupid behavior.

[jillybean720]

You're only human We all struggle at times, and I know for me, it's getting BACK on track that is way more difficult once I've gone off. So, to me, it would be no surprise at all that I would allow a few treats over the holidays, and that would end up extending into WEEKS of chasing the wagon again! Glad to hear you're getting back down to business

I've been off track since, oh, about HALLOWEEN I blame the pregnancy hormones, but I know that's just an excuse...

[missangelaks]

I understand the self loathing part of a slip, but view yourself as human and move on...one plate of cookies will not ruin all your efforts, but self loathing over it will.

It is hard but I try not to do the "I'll start back tomorrow" thing and chase down the wagon the moment I realize that I fell off of it but then again the exercise does me good! hehe I am being silly I know but a smile is worth a thousand frowns.

Love yourself through the good times and bad. Easier said than done but important!

Angela

[Jen]

Thanks so much. Today was way better, was out shoveling snow for a couple of hours so that made me feel good to get out and get that exercise. I'm probably being a little harsher on myself than what I deserve but it's just that it would be so easy to go back to the place I was at just a few months ago. If I'm like this now and it is only 3 months since surgery where am I going to be in 3 years?? I want this to work so I need to be very disciplined.

[jiffypop]

oh sweetie - we all feel your pain. and yes, we need to be disciplined, but we also need to be gentle with ourselves. now, don't get me wrong, a little tough-love self-talk is often the kick in the pants we need, but unless we develop some degree of self-love, we'll continue in the same old pattern. and we GOTTA break those patterns.

i came across an excellent article on rumination in an issue of Real Simple, and i'm going to try to find a link for it, or even get permission to reprint it here.

but i gotta run for now. deadlines!!!!!

[Jen]

Thanks for your kind words. I feel much better about myself today. It's hard to get out of those bad habits but I'm getting there!

[jiffypop]

Here's a link to the article - it was a real eye opener, about how we become fixated on the past and it affects what we do TODAY and how we view the world. the best part: some really good tips for changing our outlook. let me know what you think!

http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/...0100000072694/

[Jen]

I read through the article and I can see where some of it applies to me. I need to read through it a few more times to wrap my head around some of it. Thanks for the link!