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Weight Loss Surgery If you've had it, or are considering it, share your discussions here

Body Image...i.e. how you look AFTER you have lost the weight...

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Old 06-23-2011, 11:29 PM   #1
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Default Body Image...i.e. how you look AFTER you have lost the weight...

So I started dating this new guy....we are hitting it off...like the same things...going to dinner...riding on his motorcycle....baseball games....planning for the 4th to get away....then it hits...yes, we finally, um you know, get under the covers so to speak.....my body is not perfect, I have a bit of hanging skin, the apron, etc, but not as bad as some, but definitely there. He ends the relationship. His words were...body image, yeah there is that....He is well aware of the surgery as I have talked to him about it several times, which was hard, but necessary. He just ends it....I am so hurt, cry, want to die...like what the heck was all this for...then I realize, for me, but my question is...will there ever be someone who can look past the flaws and love me?
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Old 06-23-2011, 11:41 PM   #2
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Omg Im so sry that happened.that guy is a first class jerk! I know it doesnt lessen your pain but better to find out sooner than later. rosey
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Old 06-23-2011, 11:42 PM   #3
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Annie, I'm so sorry you went through that....sounds like the wrong guy and it's better to find out this way then getting married, etc.....Still, I can't imagine how it hurts. However, you have done so much and he's a shallow a*ss so nothing much he can do about that! URGH!!! That just pisses me off so much!!!
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Old 06-24-2011, 12:26 AM   #4
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Annie, my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry this happened. I just don't think this was a good guy to do this to you (this is an understatement ). I am at least glad to know you found out now instead of later on. Please don't let this make you feel any less than the incredible person you are- inside and out. And the answer to your question is yes. Yes, when you fall in love with some amazing guy and he falls in love with you-- he will absolutely, unequivocally, love you unconditionally- flaws and all. In fact, you will find, those flaws he sees incomparable beauty in, some drew him to you to begin with. He will be thankful every day to have you, and truly know he is the world's luckiest guy that you - the most beautiful and best person he has ever known- also loves and accepts him. When the time is right, you will find him... Or he will find you... And you will just know. ♥
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Old 06-24-2011, 12:34 AM   #5
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Sorry not a member of the WLS Club-- but I couldn't read this post and just pass it by... I am terribly sorry someone could do this to you... Only someone heartless could do such a thing... But at least now he is gone and the right person can now find his way to you. Keep your head held high and feel better.
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Old 06-24-2011, 02:50 AM   #6
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OH WOW!! That just makes me soooo angry! I would like you to know it is NOT you, he is a HORRID PERSON!! How Shallow and Rude!!!

How much that must have hurt, honey. I feel it with you. I had the apron and all that too. I had a hard time wanting to be close to anyone, let alone take my clothes off. I know how vulnerable a feeling it is.

Ouch

I want you to know that there are decent, respectable, kind men are out there!! I might have never have wanted to be vulnerable again if I have not met the love of my life. He was wonderful about it all, thought I was beautiful, inside and out, and could see the thinner person hiding in the skin. "I can feel all the hard work you've done, Baby." He thought my extra skin was a battle scar from my years of fighting my weight issues and loved me for not ever giving up! He actually admired me for all that I did to get surgery, and all that I have to do post-op. He is my love, my life, and my hero!

Never give up on you, honey...Give up on him. Don't invest anymore time in what the dog did or said. With your numbers, you are a shining example and a inspiration to me and all around you, for sure! He isn't worth the dust on your shoes. Brush him off and keep going.

Angela
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Old 06-24-2011, 10:12 AM   #7
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oh honey. i'm so sorry. and so many wise comments - including those from our non=WLS friends. you deserve SO much more. and what makes me REALLY angry is that he obviously acted 'as if' = as if he actually cared about YOU, not your body. and he did it just long enough to receive the privilege of intimacy - and it turns out he was just playing you. oh, if only Lorena Bobbitt was still around!

How can we figure out which ones are the decent ones and which are the shallow jerks BEFORE this? Unfortunately, many people out there are awed by a huge weight loss, but are completely clueless about what that does to a person's body. more jerks.

trust me, i have no real idea how to navigate this minefield! there are some indications that i know - like comments about other people's weight and so on, but I personally have no idea how to go beyond that. and that's why i don't date and don't even attempt to. and i KNOW that's not a good idea, but i just can't face the whole process.

wasn't there a website a few years ago that allowed people to 'rate their dates'? if that's still around, you could warn other women about what a shallow A***** he is.



.
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Old 06-24-2011, 11:31 AM   #8
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Eh, this just makes me sick! I'm repulsed by this guy's action. What a jerk thing to do especially after YOU were so open and honest about yourself. There's a special place for him in the afterlife, that's for sure. And what... he is so perfect himself?? I doubt it! But please do not let this stop you from doing the same thing again with another guy you meet. The outcome is most likely NOT going to be the same.

Another reason this post bothers me is because I just got into the dating game myself. I just keep wondering how I am going to explain the stretch marks and cellulite to a guy who has never known me at my heaviest. I don't want to burst their bubble I guess......or mine. Because one guy I am interested in tells me all the time how he loves my body and how fit I am. Ummmm, ok. But dude, you should see what's underneath!! Sheesh!
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Old 06-24-2011, 11:46 AM   #9
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I am not a member of the WLS club either but just had to offer my to you and @!%&*! to that guy!! what a jerk. especially after you were open and honest to him. You deserve the best and he was far from it, I'm so sorry you got hurt. I hope the nice guy you deserve is just around the corner for you.
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Old 06-24-2011, 05:12 PM   #10
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This is clearly about *his* faults, not yours. Don't make his stupidity lessen the incredible amount of work that you went through and the great results.
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Old 06-24-2011, 08:36 PM   #11
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So sorry

What goes around what a jerk...(shallow hal) but I'm glad you found out now instead of later.

YES there are very caring men out there that will love you no matter what and you will find one.

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Old 06-27-2011, 06:43 PM   #12
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I'm so sorry this happened to you I didn't have weight loss surgery but I definitely have the "not so great" body under my clothes.

Sadly you met a jerk but there WILL be someone out there that is not that shallow and will fall in love with you for YOU!

Many many hugs to you!
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Old 06-28-2011, 12:44 PM   #13
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Thank you everyone for the super nice comments...I do feel better this week about things...I just need to be patient when it comes to finding a decent man to date.
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Old 07-01-2011, 07:02 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annie175 View Post
So I started dating this new guy....we are hitting it off...like the same things...going to dinner...riding on his motorcycle....baseball games....planning for the 4th to get away....then it hits...yes, we finally, um you know, get under the covers so to speak.....my body is not perfect, I have a bit of hanging skin, the apron, etc, but not as bad as some, but definitely there. He ends the relationship. His words were...body image, yeah there is that....He is well aware of the surgery as I have talked to him about it several times, which was hard, but necessary. He just ends it....I am so hurt, cry, want to die...like what the heck was all this for...then I realize, for me, but my question is...will there ever be someone who can look past the flaws and love me?
Well you did the right thing and lost your excess weight AND the schmuck that couldn't accept you. Two birds with one stone.........priceless.
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Old 07-11-2011, 11:20 PM   #15
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I'm really sorry that things worked out this way but probably for the best if he was that shallow. It's funny how men who are totally out of shape expect women to not be bothered but of course it doesn't apply the other way around.
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