The strangest thing is happening to me right now with my friends. A few of them (the overweight ones oddly) are treating me differently now that they know I'm getting surgery. They're making me feel like I'm making a poor decision to do it. I can't believe it actually. It's really bringing me down and causing me to question myself.
So, it looks like I'm dealing now with the whole social aspect of getting weight loss surgery and my prediction is that there will be more of it.
I talked to other friends who are being really supportive and we came to the conclusion that when you change your life dramatically, oftentimes, some of even the really close people in your life have a hard time adjusting to the idea. Even if the change is for the better. whatever they are feeling about it (jealousy, fear of losing you as a friend, or just fear of your welfare), I have to just keep doing what I'm doing and not let it bring me down anymore.
My very best friend said something that really stuck with me and that I want everyone to think about. "If you continue staying true to yourself while still being a true friend, they will surely come around. and if they don't, there's just nothing you can do."
I picked up the book Teenage Waistland by Lynn Beiderman because I saw a post on another wls site that recommended it. I kept putting off getting it, but I was in Barnes and Nobles yesterday and it was on the highlights of the year table, so I cound't pass it up. Turns out it's been the best source I've found so far that takes you into the lives of lapband patients and all the drama and emotions that go along with it. It helps to read it and puts all the social conflicts I've been dealing with into perspective.
I think with any big change, there will be people who are supportive and people who aren't (they usually aren't ready to face changes they should be making, too.) Like with someone who drinks a lot, if they stop, some of the people they used to hang out with will stop, but others will continue.
You need to do what is best for your life. And it sounds like you are.
Though we don't like to think about it as such, everyone in a family or social circle has a sort of "role." With your other heavy friends, you're one of them. If you lose the weight and they don't you won't be "one of them" anymore, and that's scary to them.
In my immediate family, I'd always been the heaviest between my mother, my sister, and me. Always. Now, my mother has lost more than 50 pounds on her own, and I weigh less than I did at the end of 8th grade. I think it's very difficult for my sister to now be "the biggest one" in the family - it's a role she's never held before, and I can hear her pain in some of our discussions.
People will either adjust to the new you, or you'll make new friends who accept the new you. It's not easy, but such a drastic change in your life is bound to affect some of those close to you.
My very best friend said something that really stuck with me and that I want everyone to think about. "If you continue staying true to yourself while still being a true friend, they will surely come around. and if they don't, there's just nothing you can do."
Very wise.
Just do what you gotta do to take care of you.
The friends that will weather the change will. The ones that won't, won't.
Besides, I'm sure in your life you have hand friends of different types. Like make school friends that were not friends once you were outside of school. It was being at school at the same time that was the common thing. Or maybe single friends, who weren't friends any more once one got married. Or had kids. Or whatever.
It is rare that you find "soul mate" kind of friends that last from childhood through old age. And even if old friends drift off for whatever reason, there's new friends to be found. Don't stress out about it.
All my relationships changed. I lost friends...some because they wished they could have surgery but were unable to, and some that lost respect for me for "taking the easy way out", for doing something that was, in their minds, "cheating."
My family had to make many adjustments, like Jill, we all had our "roles" and I was stirring the pot by changing. In the end it all came out in the positive. My family is a great source of support and is healthier for the change.
The biggest change was my love life. I began dating my honey almost 2 years ago (a year after surgery), he is the most supportive person in my life. I have lost more friends because I'm happy with him then with having WLS. But you have to know what is going to make you happy and make that the only thing that influences how you change your life.
Hold close those that are supportive, and let go those that are not. You could be a shining example to your friends or others, but your happines and health is your main concern.
Angela
Last edited by missangelaks; 01-14-2011 at 08:25 PM.
I hope things get better with your friends, I know how you feel. getting no support through family and friends just really hurts...good luck with eveything
Lack of support from friends
