[jiffypop]

some of you folks know [although most do not] that i'm having a real stressful time at work. and i won't bore you all with the details, just let me say that i'm looking for another job.

but what's really suprised me is that i'm not reacting by eating, and i'm not sure why!!!! it's a real effort to meet my protein goals, and, in fact, i've run into a few problems because i've not been eating regularly.

of course, i'm sad and stressed in a real way. not trying to drown these feelings at all. and not really talking about it because it hurts too much.

let's say it all together now: i MUST develop some new coping mechanisms. but at least i'm not eating. hmmm. a double-edged sword here!!!!

[Pooky2]

Hiya Jiff,

I know you've been having difficulty in many areas for awhile, and I'm sorry that things aren't going as well as you'd like. I can say that I think it's FANTASTIC that you're not running to the fridge or Dairy Queen to try and find answers. I hope you realize what a major accomplishment this is, and seriously, you should be so proud of yourself. Do you know how many posts I read on Spotlight where post-op people just keep going back to food as their security blanket?? I can't judge, as I'm sure it's an extremely hard habit to break, and I feel for them.

True, you would be wise to find someone/something to help you thru your struggles. Is there anyone you're close to you can meet with and just unload? Your sister, a good friend?? Sometimes a person who's not directly involved in your troubles can offer objective advice, and if they can't do that, then they can certainly offer support and just listen. If that's not an option, is professional counseling an option? Do you have a pastor you can confide in? Would going to a gym help you relieve stress? Just trying to brainstorm with you!

Anyway, I just want you to know that if you're unhappy with your job, then be aggressive about looking for something else. You have a new found confidence in your new body. Combine that with your work experience and talents, and hopefully a new job will come fast. Just be strong....seek out someone to talk to. A friendly shoulder goes a long way! God Bless friend...

Just me...Robin
Pre-290
Surgery Date: Dec. 17th.....hopefully!!!!!

[jiffypop]

thank you SOO much robin. your comments really hit home and meant a lot...

the good news is that i started talking about it today, with some folks whose judgement i really trust. they both told me that i wasn't crazy. that it was THEM and not me. they've shaken my confidence in my abilities, and there's no reason for that. my skills and experience in some areas are better than anyone else's in that place.

and i admitted that i haven't been taking care of myself, and we talked about what i could do to help myself. like, not working 10 hours a day for months on end. like scheduling eating. like going to the chiropractor when i hurt rather than waiting.

i KNOW i'm cruising for a therapist, but not quite yet. being thin has always been hard for me.. i sometimes feel invisible.. and it's starting. mom [she's 80 with alzheimers] and i went to a flea market yesterday, and she lost me. i was standing about 15 feet directly in front of her, and she didn't see me!!!! she didn't recognize me because i've lost so much weight. my own mother!!!

and those spotlight posts can be very distressing!!! i've been telling everyone, whether they'll pay attention or not, that it's real important to get rid of the food demons BEFORE the surgery. it's hard enough to deal with all these emotions without throwing up on top of everything!!!

there is a bright spot... the HR dept of a major pharma company contacted me last week, so that's a good thing!!! someone's interested in me!

and i'm not sure i have more confidence about my new body [well, actually my RECLAIMED body], but i know that everyone else views me so differently. that helps. somewhat. but bottom line, i'm still the same person, no matter how people look at me. a little hard to swallow at times.

and just a year ago this past weekend, i got out of the nursing home [5 week hospital stay followed by 3 weeks in the nursing home] so this is something really major to be thankful for. and believe me, i am.

thank you robin... and please keep us posted on your surgery. it's been a great thing, although hard at times.