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I don't know if I can do this.....

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Old 11-28-2008, 08:27 PM   #1
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Default I don't know if I can do this.....

Today has been really hard. It is my 5th day on nothing but the protien shakes and I just want to cry. I think it was easier when I was at work, because being home with my family today has been difficult. None of them have weight issues so they still need to eat. They have been very good about trying to hide it from me- but of course I still smell it and see it- and want it. I miss not cooking. I always cook! I love to cook but I don't trust myself to do it at this point.

I never realized how food truly is everywhere. We just played Scene It with the kids earlier and you might know I would get the question about McDonalds! It's on billboards, in the checkout lines, commercials, coupons in the mail, kids come to the doors selling candybars, etc. etc.

I want this surgery so badly - I know it is my one shot at a healthier life. I have tried everything else and nothing has worked - I would lose and then gain it all back. The PCOS has not helped a bit.


If I am having such a hard time doing the two weeks, how will I know that I can do it after surgery? What if I can't? It is only been five days and I feel like having a breakdown. What if I am one of those people that goes through with this and just gains it all back?? I would have put us in debt for nothing.

I still haven't cheated on this diet- not once. I don't want to but I seem to be craving everything, and I find myself being a little angry-angry at myself for getting to this point. I feel like this is my punishment for letting my weight get so out of control to begin with and I don't like it one bit.

The headache still comes and goes. I almost feel like I have a bit of a cold, but it comes and goes as well. I am scared to death I will end up with a full fledged cold and the Dr. will cancel my surgery. I have tried walking whenever I feel the urge to eat which seems to help. I took my blood pressure yesterday and it was up. It is normally very low- not sure what this means. I see the NUT and Surgeon on Monday.

Did anyone else feel this way before their surgery or is this a sign that I am a weak person and am not capable of taking the steps after the surgery to make this successful?
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Old 11-28-2008, 09:30 PM   #2
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I don't think you're a weak person. You're just going through a lot right now. *Hugs* Hang in there.
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Old 11-28-2008, 09:48 PM   #3
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chunky - I have PCOS as well and I can understand your frustration. I haven't had weight loss surgery so I can't comment on that but...

First of all, just protein shakes is hard and I did something similar for a while and I actually liked the simplicity of it because there was no choice in it but its not easy. Also, the protein shakes aren't a permanent thing, I imagine they are just to prep you for the surgery and sometime after the surgery you will eat other things as well.

What I've learned about weight loss in general is that you don't need to be 100% perfect all the time, you just need to be at least 80% or so. You do need to find your internal motivation to help you on a daily basis. Some days are tough, some days are really tough and some days are ok but I can't say I believe any days are easy. So I think what you are going through is normal.
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Old 11-28-2008, 11:16 PM   #4
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Oh honey!!!! first off....



AND I know how you feel! This is a great period of change...the emotional letting go of food. We all have our reasons for overeating, these are real and taxing to the heart when we have to give up this extermely important coping mechanism!

-Have you looked into counseling? Even if it for the next few months, it helps just to talk to someone about these big changes. This is a huge thing you are doing for yourself and it gets better, I promise you it will.

-Actually, it's great that you are dealing with this now but after surgery it goes get easier, you don't have the physical trigger of hunger as much, really...a full feeling all the time. Very helpful!

-Take up a hobby!!! Something to do with your hands...paint, draw, read, knit, crochet, tittlie winks, something!! So you're thinking "knit one, pearl two" instead of...the alterative! LOL It really does make a difference.

-Do what you are told 100%...only have the protein shakes, it gets better!

-Remember that you are doing this for you. Hold onto the good things about this, your health, your energy level, your family, getting your life back!

AND it's hard right now but it gets better! promise...

Angela
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Last edited by missangelaks : 11-28-2008 at 11:30 PM.
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Old 11-28-2008, 11:31 PM   #5
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Thank you all so much for your comments. I am embarrassed to say that I am not nearly as depressed as I was earlier. I guess I just had a small mental meltdown!! Sorry for the drama!!

It REALLY helps to hear that it will get easier!! I really miss cooking!! I hope that I can get back to that someday? Surely healthy cooking??? Right now I truly do feel so hungry- I wonder what is wrong with me. I have walked several times today, but have not been able to walk at one time as long as I was previously- I get tired easily and feel a little dizzy. I am going to try what Jiffy suggested previously about trying to have small shake portions about every 3 hours and see if that helps instead of spreading my shakes only three times a day.

Thank you all so much for your support!!
XXOO
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Old 11-29-2008, 08:10 AM   #6
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Don't let the 2 week freak get to you! It's completely normal during about 2 weeks before surgery to kinda freak out, wonder if you're doing the right thing, wonder if you'll be able to be successful, wonder i fyou can handle everything, etc.

You've already done 5 days. I'm guessing you needed to do it for a total of 2 weeks? So you're already almost halfway there. You can SO do this! Keep your eye on the prize, baby
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Old 11-29-2008, 08:48 AM   #7
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It WILL get easier, and its worth it Just remember this stage is not forever.... ok.

Luv yah !!
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Old 11-29-2008, 09:12 AM   #8
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Hey Chunk, Hang in there girl!! Dont forget we are doing this together, I start my pre Op diet on monday, and I'll be with ya all the way, don't give up, Just think this time next year how Happy you will be with the new slimmer beautifull you!!
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Old 11-29-2008, 01:51 PM   #9
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oh honey. as the others said - this is TEMPORARY. but one of the things that has struck me over and over and over again with this way of life is that WE ARE OVERWHELMED with food in our lives. we use it as love - as a way to hide - as something to do - to fix boredom- to help us feel better - to help us celebrate. in short, we expect food to do A LOT for us, but it really and truly is only nourishment.

Someone around 3fatchicks has this in her signature [Leenie/Nelie - is it Jane?]: if hunger isn't the problem, then food isn't the answer

the fact that you're taking a walk when you would rather be eating is HUGE!!!! keep up the good work. and i'm sure you're taking your vitamins, aren't you????

a small suggestion, though: don't make any promises about what you're going to do 'later,' like go back to cooking or something. i mean, you certainly CAN do that, but one of the things i found was that food started taking a MUCH smaller role in my life, and therefore i just really didn't need to express love by cooking.

of course, that led into OTHER issues, like other members of the family truly believing that my place in the family system was to FEED THEM, but this surgery was for ME, not for them.

soooo, all this to say: surgery is NOT EASY. we're forced into making changes IMMEDIATELY that other people who lose weight the old fashioned way get to ease into. be kind to yourself. breathe deeply - realize that this is a journey - and a process.

you're actually doing GREAT!!!!!
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start: 506 [Sept 2001]
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Old 11-29-2008, 01:53 PM   #10
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all i can say is to focus on the outcome at the end of it and all of this will seem worthi t.

hugs
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Old 11-29-2008, 05:24 PM   #11
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Bless you all- you are the greatest!! Your support means so much. I seriously have felt like Jekyl and Hyde the last couple days. One minute I am proud for making it this far, and feel almost invincible- other times I just want to cry!! I have become totally WACKO!!!! I am going to try to keep my eye on the prize though. I truly do want to succeed. I am so glad I can talk here about the craziness going on in my head. Friends and family just can't relate. I love them, and they try to be supportive, but they just don't get it.

Has anyone watched the show Ruby? I have been DVR-ing the episodes and watch them 2-3 times a day. Sometimes I even get my fat butt down on the floor and start doing crunches(or at least some resemblance thereof!!)while they are on. Watching someone else fight the urges and look for strength to stick to their plan is a great motivator. If you haven't seen it - you might try to catch it. It is a great show.

Love y'all!!!! Thanks again for everything.



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Old 11-29-2008, 05:27 PM   #12
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PS- I tried small shake portionsmore frequently today- so far NO HEADACHES today!! AND I have not had the dizzy, weak feeling!!!! YAY!!!!!
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Old 11-29-2008, 05:52 PM   #13
not bad for a 47 yr Nana!
 
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Thats what we all mean by the emotional rollercoaster!!!! Up, down, up, down...seems almost schezopherinic!!!! Put your hands up and yell WOOHOO!!! Because the point of a rollercoaster is the fun of the journey, not always about the destination! No fun just closing your eyes and clutching the bar until the end! We show what we are really made of when we succeed even if it's just getting to the next protein shake!

Good on ya for spacing the shakes in a workable manner. Just remember you are NOT ALONE!!

Angela
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The glass of water is what it is,
it's only our own perception that tells us
whether or not it's half empty or half full...
it's a Choice!!!

Last edited by missangelaks : 11-29-2008 at 05:53 PM.
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Old 11-29-2008, 05:55 PM   #14
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good job, Ms Chunk! you're really doing great.

i've seen the ads for Ruby, but haven't watched it [i've been working on a huge freelance project this week].

you get on the floor???? OMG!!!!! i can get down, but i sure have trouble getting up! <it's the bad knees> but here's my secret - it's just as possible to do crunches on the bed, or the couch [if it's firm] as on the floor. and easier on the knees.

and i LOVE my pilates ball to do crunches as well - it takes a bit of practice to balance on it, but it's fun! and ya don't have to get up off the floor.
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Start your day with a smile, and get it over with.
Keeping it off is a hundred decisions a day that help you maintain what you achieved. And that's the hard part. - L Sanders

start: 506 [Sept 2001]
weight at gastric bypass [Jan 29, 2002]: 409
current weight: 225
weight for plastic surgery: 200
final goal: 180

Posts by members, moderators and admins are not medical advice. See your physician before taking advice found on the internet.
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Old 11-29-2008, 08:37 PM   #15
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YEAH YOU !!!!! and YEAH YOU for sticking to your diet 100%. Its so very important YEAH YOU !!!!!!

We are so proud of you !!!!
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~ WORRY LOOKS AROUND, SORRY LOOKS BACK, FAITH LOOKS UP ~

Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
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