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The gloves are off! Fighting lack of support?

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Old 12-01-2006, 06:08 AM   #1
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Cool The gloves are off! Fighting lack of support?

I am tired of feeling of getting knocked so low that I feel like there is NO recovery. How do you recover from being let down by your support system? My gym buddy(s) bail frequently and they buy me sugary treats because they love me. We've had "talks" about constructive help, many time. Tonight someone close to me bailed on the gym, or even a small walk, I felt like someone clutched my hard won drive and left me in a heap on the floor. It seemed to have taken a lot to even flip open my laptop and post this. How do you create productive support systems? How do you bounce back from being let down? I'm up for advice, tricks, tips, and a hard kick in the ***. ^-^; THANKS!

I am not losing weight for I have no intention of going out and finding it again.
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Old 12-01-2006, 08:48 AM   #2
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If it helps you to work out with somemone else, how about trying a class of some kind? I do jazzercise three times a week and it's so much fun. The ladies are a hoot. If you have seen that movie dancing feet, we look like the singing penguins when they are first trying to dance LOL I like it because I know even if one of them can't make it, the others will be there. If the teacher can't make it, she gets us a sub. There are all kinds of classes that will give you a good work out..what do you like to do?
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Old 12-01-2006, 09:34 AM   #3
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Reddalice- Let's start with the treats. Just because they buy it, doesn't mean you have to accept it. "Nope, I'm watching what I put in my mouth." "No thanks, not hungry." Or just toss it. I know, I know, it's super hard! So pour soap on it, and then toss it. Think of how many calories that thing has in it and how long and hard you'll have to work-out just to get back to start!

Now I'm not even going to deny that gym buddies can be super helpful. Cause they can be. But only if they're dependable and as commited as you are! Cause otherwise you end up right where you are. It definately hurts when they bail on you, but it also provides you with an excuse: "Well, nobody's coming with me, so I can't go." Try turning it into a reason: "I have to go now, to prove to myself how commited I am."

Ultimately, you're doing this for YOU, and you have to be the one to do it, no matter who chooses to follow you. And I'll bet that once they see the fantastic results you're getting, they may be inspired to follow you!

Good luck and remember that the boards here are always a great support system!!
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Old 12-01-2006, 09:35 AM   #4
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I tried to get my DH to walk with me, my kiddos to walk with me, a neighbor who is a "fair weather friend" to walk with me, and I ended up discouraged just like you. I finally decided that I'm getting healthier for ME, so I'M the one who has to do it. My mom wanted to do something special for me, so she bought me an Ipod. My kids loaded it with all my favorite music, and now my ipod is my walking/workout buddy. The only time it lets me down is if I forget to charge the batteries! LOL! Another benefit of this that I hadn't realized at the beginning is the alone time. I have an hour to think/contemplate things in total PEACE. No one asking questions, no phone ringing (I don't take my cell phone with me on walks anymore). Just time to chill out and do something for me. I've found that now when someone wants to go with me I'm almost disappointed!
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Old 12-01-2006, 10:53 AM   #5
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wow, boaterswife! You and I think alike, it seems...

I got an iPod shuffle (the smaller, cheaper kind heh) for my walks because listening to traffic isn't very invigorating. I carry my cell phone because I'm paranoid but nobody ('cept my mom and I talk to her for a few minutes) calls me at 6 am. I love my daily hour walk because I get to think about whatever I want and exercise however I want without worrying about my walking partner (is he/she going faster than me? will he/she be ok with me running? etc). I think you should do this by yourself and use it as your self-imposed time out. It's enjoyable, trust me.

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Old 12-01-2006, 11:24 AM   #6
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Support during weight loss is great, but ultimately - the discipline, the motivation must be INTERNAL, it has to come from you and you only. If your workout buddies keep letting you down (or even sabotoging you!) and it rattles your determination - ditch them, make your plans WITHOUT THEM. Say to yourself, I will work out tomorrow. If Friend decides to join me, that's great, I'll enjoy the company, but I will go by myself whatever happens.
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Old 12-01-2006, 12:21 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Sunnigummi View Post
wow, boaterswife! You and I think alike, it seems...

I carry my cell phone because I'm paranoid
You're not paranoid--you're being safe and sane!!!

I always carry my phone, and it came in real handy one time last spring when the sidewalk suddenly came up and bit me. My dogs stood over me drooling and looking at me like I was crazy to be lying on the ground like that. Anyway, I called DH and he came and rescued me. I still don't know what I did, probably kicked the back of one shoe with the other and almost broke my big toe, and at the speed at which I was walking, I really hurt myself. Thank goodness there were no witnesses (I hope!!).

Redalice--you need to do what is right for you. Don't rely on others--they will let you down more times than not. This is your journey. Go ahead, go it alone and when your friends see the fantastic results that you are going to make, they'll all be jealous!

(`'•.¸(`'•.¸ ¸.•'´) ¸.•'´)
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Old 12-01-2006, 12:39 PM   #8
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Default More times then not

I used to always count on someone else to go with me. I am one of those people that absolutely hates to be alone. At one time my dh and I had a gym membership and he would go with me but I wanted him to work out with me and he wanted to go play raquetball and would leave me on my own while he got a friend of ours to meet him. Eventually I gave up always feeling like everyone was staring at me and soon we quit going. I used my kids sports as an excuse for lack of time.

Now my job pays for a membership and I have a committment to them to go at least twice a week. I go on my own and my mp3 is my companion. (Though I think I may have broke it). I go on my lunch hour instead of sitting at my desk. I have made it my schedule that I go 4 days a week. Usually Monday - Thursday. My workout bag stays in the car so there is never the excuse that I dont have my stuff. With the exception of this week when the weather has been really bad or last week with Thanksgiving I do go. Of course at the same time I am working really hard trying to keep my marriage together and one of the major issues has been my weight and that I let myself go so badly. But that is a whole other topic completely. Whatever you do, do it for yourself, count on only yourself and you will get there.
(When I lose another 25 lbs, I think I may take belly dancing lessons, they are supposed to be really good for you and it could be fun.)

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Old 12-01-2006, 06:41 PM   #9
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Thank you so much, this is everything that I needed to hear. As for the treats? I threw away the Reece's PB cups (could have cried), and took the large bag of gummy worms and portioned them out in to half serving sizes and put them in an out of the way drawer. I'm going to try and be more accountable to myself. myself. myself. My weightloss is about my health not about chatting on the treadmill. I will try and keep this in mind, make gym a break from school and work... make it about me. I don't have a music player, but maybe I can adapt to this- maybe make it a brain storm session for my book.... And I will look around for a community class to take, something were there will always be someone! LOL. I did Jazersize when I was 12... I quit when my aunt, the body builder, tried to make me do a pageant. As for the support... it still makes me feel bad, I will work on finding words or a way to remind myself that it is not about THEM they are not RESPONSIBLE for ME. It's about me. Am I on track or getting lost?

I am not losing weight for I have no intention of going out and finding it again.
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Old 12-01-2006, 07:46 PM   #10
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You sound on track to me. It sucks that your "friends" let you down like that. Particularly the sabotaging behavior. But we're here for you!

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Old 12-01-2006, 07:57 PM   #11
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I used to rely on others to do my workouts with, but I was CONSTANTLY being let down... it felt like I wasn't important enough to them to make time to do that with me even though they said they'd be there. I took it way too personally and it would destroy my drive and confidence. However, I started getting a bit of a drive from that. When I switched from hurt to "that's it" is when things started to change for me. I had enough of the things that made life miserable for me and decided I was going to change it once and for all. I finally got that fire back and instead of eating when I got stressed or getting down, I started doing crunches. The adrenaline and natural mood enhancing boost excercising gives became my stress-relief. WOOT You can do it!!! Believe me! I was a HUGE wimp, and any excuse would do. You're worth it and you can do it without them. Besides, you may have to..
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