Typically I do pretty good whole foodie wise. I'm a type one diabetic, have been forever, watch carbs and calories. Don't work out as much as a should because I work two jobs and am a college junior taking 18 hours. I do yoga before bed nightly and have a fairly active job, but that is it except if I have a day off (maybe once every two weeks) to go running.
I'm also in a long distance relationship, only 18 more months to go, and it is taking it's toll. I love my relationship. That isn't what I'm tired of. WHat I'm tired of is getting a few days with my fiance then saying goodbye again. We've been together since I was 16, going on five years now. We've lived apart since high school. It is what is necessary. We both know we'll never be happy if both of us don't persue all of our acedemic and career goals, that's just the type of people we are. I have a great group of friends, but they don't understand. I also live with two girls, one who is engaged as well, another who is starting a new relationship. Their SOs are always over. Sometimes I just shut myself in my room because it hurts to see them laying on the couch, or listen to them. I get so lonely. Today I ordered a pizza and ate half of it (granted it was medium, veggie, cheeseless, whole grain thin crust), and just cried after he left. We're half way done with this, but half way still leaves us 18 months.
I got a job for the summer that is 5 days a week, no weeks off until semester starts, and will be taking classes, and likely working another job on the weekends. He won't be able to get away either, and we usually are at least able to have a week getaway in the summer, looks like that won't happen.
I want to be with him right now. He lives with our mutual best friend, and I love being down there with "my boys".
I have a hard time expressing stuff like this because I feel as though letting people know I''m upset with the current state (Well distance) that there is something wrong with the relationship. We have already had to put up with naysayers that high school relationships don't work, that long distance in college doesn't work. They work if both people are truely invested. If that phone call is important enough to push your friends to the side a bit. Having our own lives, and our own college experiences are important, but sometimes I wonder if I didn't make a mistake choosing to live here, verse where he is and where I could have gone. I know lots of people do it for longer, and their distances are far greater and in cases like the military far more uncertain. But this couple days every two months or something takes it's toll on me. I feel so weak, but I can't help it.
I really want to eat a gallon of ice cream and drink a ton of amaretto but I know that won't solve anything. I wish I had more time to focus on just me, I wish I didn't have to work all the time, I wish that term papers wrote themselves. I wish I didn't have to stress over money. I wish I had help. I wish that he was here for longer. I wish that I could speed up or slow down time. I wish I could exercise more. I wish that I didn't have to constantly worry about having the money for my medical stuff. Sometimes I feel so much older than 20. I really do.