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Old 11-14-2006, 08:23 PM   #1
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Default Your men and weight question

Dh needs to lose about 60 lbs. He knows this but has a very hard time making dietary changes. He doesn't like spicy foods at all, so his choices for taste enhancers have always been sugar, salt, butter or mayonaisse. I can't cook for him. Basically, I either make dinner for the kids (which he'll eat if he likes it) and something else for myself, or I make something for myself and the kids which he will rarely eat. For example, today we had brown rice, broccoli, and chicken tenders pan fried with PAM and Mrs. Dash. If he were here, he wouldn't eat it. Any of it. Well, he might eat the rice, but it would have two Tbls of margarine and 2 teas. of salt on it.

He has a family history of heart disease and diabetes. He doesn't get any regular planned exercise. He travels a lot of work which has increased his calorie intake, increased his sleep deprivation, and decreased his physical activity. I'm really worried about him.

When did your men decide to do something about their weight? I've considered making an appointment for him with a nutritionist/dietician to help him make better choices at restaurants and to teach him how to eat to his taste.

Any advice?
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Old 11-14-2006, 08:33 PM   #2
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I can't be much help, my guy weighs 100 lbs less than me and he loves to eat healthy things. I suggested not eating meat so often and he was all for it.

I think really it has to be up to him. You can talk to him about it but if doesn't feel an incentive to change, then he won't.
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Old 11-14-2006, 08:39 PM   #3
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My dad was/is fat.

His problem is he loves food. He'd have eaten that dinner you made no problem. But he'd have followed it up with soome nachos and icecream.

I was scared he was going to die, and I told him so. I said that if he died of a heart attack from being overweight, that meant he gave up smoking for no good reason! Trading one unhealthy habit for another is no good!

Basically, I badgered him until he started being healthier. But I can do that with my dad. It's how I got him to quit smoking, and more recently, how I got him to start exercising and eating better.

I can't do that with my mom, who really needs to lose weight too. I'm scared for her and her health (I'd be lost without her!!). So, I'm interested to see whta other people have to say beyond the "badgering" method (which probably is less than effective).
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Old 11-14-2006, 08:41 PM   #4
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I don't post here often, but i really think this is one of those things you have to let him do at his own pace. It's a lot like quitting smoking....you have to really want it, and it doesn't sound like your hubby is there.

When I started to lose weight my husband asked me to help him with his diet. The problem is, he thinks he should be able to lose weight and still drink soda and eat all the pretzels he wants. If THAT diet worked everyone in America would be thin. I hope that maybe by seeing me lose this weight and keep it off that he'll eventually be ready to make some changes too.

Believe me, I know it's hard worrying about the habits of someone you love and being unable to help him, but I think unless he wants it he's not going to change.

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Old 11-14-2006, 08:48 PM   #5
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I can't help much either... My BF lost about 40 pounds a few years ago and, just as you would expect the answer to your question to be, he says, "Nothin'. It just happened". A little more prodding revealed that he wanted to become a distance runner and not a weight lifter. Where food is concerned, he's very meat and potatoes and didn't like any vegetables. That changed when I began to cook for him and he realized that he had just never had vegetables properly prepared. That you could eat healthy and not have cottage cheese everyday.

But there are a couple of fundamental differences here. You husband travels and that is bad news diet-wise. My brother in-law has gained about 100 pounds this way. But he also has children, which can definitely sway someone to make better choices. I think a dietician is a good start. He/she can help him work on alternatives when he's on the road. Let him know that he doesn't have to change everything overnight- that probably stresses him out just thinking about it. Once you get him to eat better, he may like the results and start working out. Good luck
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Old 11-14-2006, 09:44 PM   #6
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I wish I had an answer. My dh is 60lb overweight and takes cholesterol and high blood pressure meds. His job involves lots of stress and long hours. I know he should change things, and he probably does to, but I refuse to badger him about it. He is an adult and only he can make decisions about what he eats or does. I make healthy food at home and only buy wholesome things. He stops and gets himself fries, burgers, ice cream to bring home and beer and coke. I don't want to be his mother so I keep my mouth shut. I occasionally express my true concern for his health, but so far that has accomplished nothing. He, by the way, has no idea why I wanted to lose weight and cannot fathom that I plan to eat this way for the rest of my life. Definitely different view points here. Can I blame his mother for his bad eating habits? ;-)
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Old 11-14-2006, 09:46 PM   #7
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I think that the same thing that applies to ourselves applies to our SOs: you can't make someone lose weight. You can't badger him into it, you can't force him to eat foods he doesn't want to eat, you can't force him to exercise. I worked with someone once whose wife forced him to eat healthy foods at home and he binged on junk food every day at work to make up for not being to eat it at home. Losing weight is something that you have to decide to do for yourself. And while your husband may know that he needs to lose weight, it doesn't sound like he is quite there yet in terms of wanting to lose weight. For myself, I knew I needed to lose weight for about 10 years before I finally got around to losing it!

My SO didn't eat many veggies befor we lived together and I have been very successful at getting him to change this, at least for dinner (he's on his own for lunch and breakfast, so he eats whatever he wants then). He doesn't like a lot of your standard veggies (no broccoli, cauliflower, squash, zucchini, mushrooms, spinach, eggplant, brussel sprouts, cooked cabbage; tomatoes only if cooked beyond recognition). I don't like most types of meat, so I joke that we have about 5 veggies and 3 meats in common. I've gotten him to eat veggies by really focusing on using veggies that I know he will eat and by looking for veggies that are a little out of the mainstream. For example, we eat a lot of fennel because he likes that. We also eat swiss chard instead of spinach because he likes chard but not spinach. We never have anything with mushrooms in it, even though they are one of my favorites, because they are out of the question for my SO. I really try hard to find foods that I know we will both enjoy. And I can't eat anything spicy, so I generally do it without making spicy dishes. Since I'm watching my own calories, I also do it without sugar, butter, or mayo (but I'm not ready to give up salt). This is definitely a compromise: my SO eats a lot more veggies than he would on his own and I eat a lot more meat than I would on my own. I think it's good for both of us. To give my SO credit, he's been very open about trying anything I make and been willing try just about any strange veggie I pick up at the farmers market. If your DH isn't willing to try to change his diet, then I don't think you'll have a lot of success getting him to do so. For example, I really wish I could get my SO to exercise; although he is thin as a rail, he is out of shape and has all sorts of back problems that I'm sure would improve if he would exercise. But he's not ready to do it, so I haven't had any success in that department.

Until your DH is ready to change, I think the best thing you can do make sure there is healthy food in the house if he wants to eat it and set a good example through your own lifestyle (this is probably more powerful than it might feel).
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Old 11-14-2006, 09:54 PM   #8
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Thanks, everyone. I know you are right. I know it's his decision. And I think he has a vague notion to change at some point in the future. But this fuzzy plan isn't a long term idea--just a diet. He also doesn't really read much, so having books about healthy living lying around doesn't really work either. Now, if I could find a video game about healthy living or if fantasy football had a nutrition component....nah.

I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. I've mentioned the dietician. He knows I'll make an appointment for him if he wants one. He knows that sauteed scallops, steak and buttered asparagus are not healthy foods even if his company is willing to pay for it every night. So, it's up to him.

Thanks for your responses.
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Old 11-14-2006, 10:18 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kateful View Post
Any advice?
Yup. Don't.

You CAN'T help him make better choices. Only he can decide to do that for himself. Honestly, trying to help...you may end up making him more stubborn about it. I figured that out from trying to talk sense into my diabetic 270+ pound wheelchair bound father. Well...now he's IN that wheelchair and still 270+ pounds.

When you decided to lose weight, was it because of something someone said or because YOU wanted to? It will be the same with him.
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