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lost weight = lost friends?

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Old 11-08-2006, 09:31 PM   #1
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Angry lost weight = lost friends?

When you lost weight, did you loose friends? I noticed the ladies in my old department at work were talking to me less. No more break invites, lunch invites, etc. I had to ask like 3 times to get us together for lunch. We finally all went out to lunch -- and at least 20% of the conversation was them giving me grief about my food. "Order something with french fries", "I bet you eat salad at night too", "all you eat is hummus and tofu". You get the idea. It was fricken miserable. Even the poor waiter felt sorry for me.

When I kept gaining the weight back , they were so supportive. Now that I've finally got the weight down, they are all critism. At least (at the end of the meal) one of them she was jealous because she knew she needed to start but just couldn't get motivated. If you were looking for an apology there, keep looking. There wasn't one.

Women suck. But at least I won't have to worry about too many calories from going out to lunch too often.

Thanks for letting me vent.
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Old 11-08-2006, 09:37 PM   #2
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It does happen sometimes. I hate it, but I think it's a combination of jealousy and the fact that our society is so food-oriented. Some of my friends don't like the fact that I don't want to go with them to the local barbecue joint or all-you-can-eat buffet, etc.
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Old 11-08-2006, 09:51 PM   #3
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Sorry to hear about your bad experience... at least the one woman was self-aware enough to realize and admit she was jealous.

I haven't lost any friends yet. I used to worry a lot about that happening but now I see that most of my friends have adjusted. I haven't seen one good friend of mine in about 6 months and she has always been a bit overweight but never as big as I was. I worry that when I eventually see her again, she will feel bad or awkward if I weigh less than her. But who knows, maybe she has lost weight just like me.
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Old 11-08-2006, 09:53 PM   #4
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It is a jealousy issue. They are feeling bad about themselves and you, with your new healthy habits, are blatantly pointing that out to them without actually saying anything.

You need to tell them that their critizing you hurts your feelings. It's not YOUR problem that they are still eating fries and cookies.

Good for you for sticking with your health goals.

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Old 11-08-2006, 09:55 PM   #5
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Sorry you've had to go through this. Friends should be there to root you on, not be petty because they wish they had the will power and motivation to do what you're doing. Women can be horrible creatures! Know that WE are all excited and happy for you!
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Old 11-08-2006, 10:03 PM   #6
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My best friend gets weird when I mention my lost weight. She doesn't get mad, but she's the kind of person who bottles up her feelings and then explodes. I'm also getting married in 6 months and she's the maid of honor. I have a real hard time getting her to help me with anything wedding related. She's heavier than me, and she is miserable with her boyfriend--She admits she is only with him because of their baby.
I try not to rub my weight loss or wedding in her face, but I want to share these happy moments with my friend and it's hard because she's so subdued about everything...
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Old 11-08-2006, 10:04 PM   #7
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This is such an odd post because today, I noticed that one of my friends --a size 2 -- seems to befriend woman who are heavy. She seems to surround herself with them. And I started to wonder, is she just friendly and they happened to be who she got along with or is there some sort of insecurity there?
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Old 11-08-2006, 10:12 PM   #8
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My best friend from middle school gained a lot of weight in high school and stopped hanging out with me. One of our mutual friends (a guy) told me later on that she probably didn't want to hang out with me anymore because I reminded her of how bad her life is compared to mine. I really didn't want to lose her as a friend but there was nothing I could do. She ended up becoming best friends with this other girl and all they did was skip school, drink beer, and smoke pot so I eventually had to let go of trying to save the friendship. I hung out with her a couple times after she lost weight but she still had too many life/family issues to deal with.

This will never happen with my current best friend because she is a very confident person. In fact, I'm trying to lose weight so I can catch up with her confidence! Last year, I was worried that she would become jealous of the fact that I was making so much money, but nope... she was still just as generous when I went to visit. For a second I thought I heard a bit of jealousy in her voice but I'm sure she's over it because she married a guy who's about to graduate from law school and make lots of money.
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Old 11-08-2006, 11:09 PM   #9
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It's actually very sad when you stop and think about it. Women have come so far, but we are still hung up on our looks and rating eachother on how successful our menfolk are. I feel like I should break into to "I'm only Sandra Dee" from Grease.

I've just had a really difficult adjustment to this stuff. It's difficult to realize that your friends really don't wish you well. When I first noticed the changes in these friends, my bf told me I was imagining it. Men just don't get dumped by their friends for crap like this.

I have to say though: I do have two heavy friends who have been nothing but supportive. So its not all heavy women. In fact, one of the buddies giving me a hard time is a size 14. She made sure to tell me that she weighs less than me by 6 pounds. OK, I told her. You're thinner than me. (I was smart enough not to mention I was wearing a size 10)

I need to figure out how to make new friends. Seems to get harder as you get older.
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Old 11-08-2006, 11:19 PM   #10
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I had to stop spending much time with someone who I had considered a friend at work. I've been fighting the fat fight for the whole five years I've been at this job. She'd be right there with me talking about what she was doing to lose weight.

When we would go out for lunch, though, she'd pick up the dessert advertisement on the table and make smacking noises and talk about how good it looked and how we should order one. The deal is, though, that she has said in the past repeatedly how she doesn't even really like desserts but has more trouble avoiding bread and crackers. She knows *I'm* the one who has sugar issues, which is why she would go on and on about it--trying to sabotage me.

I've stopped going with her. I bring my lunch and eat at my desk. It's a lot cheaper and I've lost almost 20 pounds. I'm way too old for that kind of stuff anymore.
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Old 11-08-2006, 11:36 PM   #11
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One of the girls in my Weight Loss Camp gained a pound last week. She told me that once people in her office heard that she was doing the camp, everyone started taking turns treating her to lunch! However she's actually very skinny so maybe that's why the people around her are concerned.
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Old 11-08-2006, 11:48 PM   #12
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I have noticed that around my friends that do act jealous, I try to minimalize my wt. loss accomplishment. Say something to the effect of "I just did it for my health, you realize that I had to". "If I could eat whatever I wanted, I would certainly do it too".

I have had a lot more problem with my younger sister being jealous than anyone. She doesn't return my calls and we almost never see each other except at Holidays and live only 1 hr. apart. She is quite over-weight and she makes rude comments about my wt. loss. I learned from my other sister that Linda had been recently hosptialized for a STROKE and no one had even let me know. Apparently it was a mini-stroke and she's back at work now. But, Geez. BTW, she quit taking her blood pressure meds a long time, thought she didn't need it. I kept telling her to take them and she wouldn't do it. Our whole family has hypertension.
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Old 11-09-2006, 02:17 AM   #13
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I lost my best friend earlier this year, the sad part was that I had only lost like 5-10 pounds at that time. She was obsessed with food, wouldn't eat for a day or two, and talked about being "fat" ALL the time. When I started taking steps to get healthy and take care of ME (which included going away for 5 weeks to focus only on me), she started getting distant and avoided me. She later told me that she thought I was obsessed and needed help, and shortly after that wouldnt have anything to do with me anymore. Sad.

You know what I find odd? Lots of women I talk to see the feminist movement of the 80's and 90's as something negative, that you must hate men to be a feminist. They are allowed to think what they want, but I need to point out that real meaningful friendships are becoming more and more scarce. I used to have another friend who decided to stop hanging out with me because I wasn't single and into going to clubs every night. I'd rather be accused of hating men in exchange for having a good friend! I miss shopping with a girl instead of my boyfriend! Or how about a friend who understands PMS?!?

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Old 11-09-2006, 03:38 AM   #14
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I haven't lost any friends. What I have lost are people who I had very little in common with, but who I would socialise with over food and alcohol. Take that away and I realised how little we actually share, but I used them to kill time.

Now I have new friends, who I have more in common with because I've met them through healthy type stuff - at running club, on here, and because we have shared interests. And some of my old "true" friends have been wonderfully supportive too, without my weight loss affecting our relationship.
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Old 11-09-2006, 09:03 AM   #15
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I lost a friend about 15 months ago. We had been friends for almost 20 years. I had lost about 65 pounds at the time and my divorce was final and I had just met someone new. I don't know what triggered this conflict-if it was a combination of factors, but I feel like she pushed me away BEFORE I could do the same to her (and I had no intention of doing so). I had only had one weekend date with my new guy when she started on me about how I was going to desert her, etc. and things blew up. She's a beautiful girl and her heaviness does not detract from this. I think she was making bad choices with men but I never said anything because it seemed to be the thing she needed at the time. I was looking for something long term and stable and it seemed she was interested in "having fun". I never judged her, but if she had the same goal of something stable and met somebody, she'd be wanting to spend time w/him, too. Anyway, like I said, I'm not sure quite what was the actual cause of the friendship breakup, but it coincided with my weight loss and new relationship (which is still going well). There were some things said that a strong friendship should have been able to handle, so I don't know why all this happened. Oh gosh, sorry for the novel. I think I got off track.
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