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Sorting Through New Demons

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Old 10-28-2006, 08:28 PM   #1
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Exclamation Sorting Through New Demons

Along with all the fantabulous things that happen with weight loss, a few unfortunate demons have surfaced in my life.

Suddenly, clothing and fashion (hence shopping) become a fun activity, rather than a legal requirement (to cover essential body parts with fabric):
  • "Oh, I can wear skirts now."
  • "And those boots would look darling with that skirt ..."
  • "And the boots fit over my calfs now ..."
  • So I buy both
  • Then I realize I could get the same boots in another color
  • "Ooh, and that jacket would match the second pair of boots ..."
  • *elbow* "GO HOME before you go broke!"

I bought 2 pair of boots, a pair of shoes, and a blazer today. I paid under $100 thanks to thrift stores, but I'm trying to budget. *sigh*

The other demon I'm suddenly battling is male attention. I haven't gotten this much male attention since .... probably ever. When I was a teenager much thinner than I am now, where was all this attention? I have to learn to process this. I forget that attraction isn't love and attention feels good in the moment, but I must remember that I needn't become intimate with everyone who wants to.
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Old 10-29-2006, 05:53 AM   #2
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deffinetly agree with both of them.... (but i always love shopping and i think most womnen secretly crave a bit of male attention)

a budget will help, maybe ask someone to check up on you, or save up the money over a few months and then have one bigger shop, so you earn it rather then everymonth.
With the guys, enjoy what you get, its amazing for self confidence... just remeber most guys are jerks, and all they see are tits and ***, and if your looking fabulous, then there seeing you for a bit of meat. You have betterd yourself now, so (if your not already with someone) you can find a guy who thinks your amazing for what you have done and the results.... :-)
hope this helps a bit....
well done for the incredible loss so far, keep going :-)
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Old 10-29-2006, 06:39 AM   #3
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Congrats on the great loss! Good luck on the rest of your journey

Positive attention always feels good, and when i was smaller i loved how shopping felt (not as much now, but shoe and accessory shopping is always a ton of fun!) The key thing to think about when shopping is not thinking about fashion/trends, but thinking about style and what your clothes say about you. What you wear says a lot about you and of course varies between "in hiding" to "confident and proud", and many other things and the way you present yourself makes a big difference I suspect you feel a lot more confident and happier about yourself now and it shows that type of vibe is hard to ignore (in a good way!) and i guess it's a matter of opinion, but from my experience, men don't just see T&A particularly after the age of about 25... i can't help but think that thinking all they see is a piece of meat is quite a pessimistic viewpoint...
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Old 10-29-2006, 08:12 AM   #4
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Fantastic work! Oh I can relate to the shopping, and that's good that you are trying to keep it within budget. For me now, once I set foot in a clothing store or mall I go insane ! (I think we are all guilty of that ) Unlike before, I barely went shopping (aside from groceries) because nothing would ever fit. So all I'm saying is, enjoy yourself! Keep to the budget, even if you may be a little over it or so, at least you have set a boundary. If you think you are going overboard, just walk on out that door before you find something else
As for the male attention, they seem to see your confidence. Like isthatreallyme said, the way you present yourself has a huge effect on not only yourself, but others too.
I wish you the best of FUN and luck throughout your next losses ahead!
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Old 10-29-2006, 10:34 AM   #5
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Re: Shopping. I usually go shopping when I identify an item that I need to pull more than one outfit together (like black boots). I know better than to make too many on-the-fly purchases, but I did make one this weekend that was a good call. I usually treat either myself or my son to a few new things each paycheck, and this weekend the focus was on me.

Re: men. I never thought I'd have to revisit a time when I had to filter out the pukes from the decent men, or finding that right balance of flirty/sexy but not slutty. Being overweight for all of my 20s and half of my 30s, I didn't get half as much attention as I've gotten in the past year. And definitely, self-esteem as a lot to do with it! When I was heavy, I didn't feel attractive and wouldn't dream of putting myself "out there" on a dating web site or being open to blind dates.

Thanks for your comments. I feel like I should already know this about myself, as I'm a sophisticated, successful, and intelligent 36-year-old woman yet I'm needing to hear advice that my mom gave me when I was sixteen!
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Old 10-29-2006, 08:03 PM   #6
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phantastica,

Re: Shopping. Have FUN with it! You deserve it!

Re: Men. Trusts your instincts. I've seen from your other posts that you're a smart woman who gives good advice to others. Just listen to your own inner voice and you'll be fine.
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Old 10-29-2006, 09:56 PM   #7
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Oh Shopping, I do the same thing. I go to look for a dress and buy two. Go to get a new pr. of jeans, buy 3 prs. Go to get a few new shirts, and bought 9 of them. I also love to buy shoes and purses. I try to only go shopping, if I know I can afford it and expect in advance that I will spend more than I had intended. I try to find consignment stores that have good, used things that I will wear. I try to keep in mind what I already have that will go with what I buy. My DH has been very supportive of my shopping and always tells me that I "deserve" it.

I do get a lot of stares from men when we go out in public. Occasionally a wink. The attention is nice even though I'm happy in my marriage. My DH gets a kick out of it, that men flirt with me, even when he's with me. I don't go to bars/clubs because I do feel like they are a "meat market".
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Old 10-29-2006, 11:23 PM   #8
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I used to have a difficult time not charging up my credit cards with food and now it's clothes. I almost went this weekend, but I managed to hold off until I lose this last bit of weight.

And I NEVER dated until 3 months ago -- and now I'm miss popularity with men now. And good-looking ones with good jobs at that too. And I get smiled at by men all of the time now. I never had that before. A part of that is because my confidence level and self-esteem have improved. It feels good not to be 'single by default' anymore. Now I'm single by CHOICE.

Great job Phantastica!!! You should be proud
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Old 10-31-2006, 08:11 AM   #9
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Last payday, I spent an entire 8 hours shopping. I used to hate shopping and would only go if I HAD to have something. Now, I have to force to hold off on shopping until I lose at least another 20 lbs considering I have been sitting at this weight for over 2 months now.

The guys at work all seem to be a little more flirty with me. I am married but I love the attention anyway. I guess I should say I love it from most of them but there are a couple where it just seems creepy.
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