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My epiphany

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Old 10-24-2006, 07:57 PM   #1
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Unhappy My epiphany

I've been visiting this site regularly, but never really got around to signing up. I don't really know why. I am not severely overweight, but I would like to lose about 30 pounds.
See, the problem is I'm 19, and I was chubby as a child. And I can remember being as young as 10 and my family would always be making comments about my weight. My grandmothers, my step-father, my brother... but ESPECIALLY my mother.
Then, around 14, I lost it. I lost all the weight and people said it was "just baby fat". Well, what they don't realize is I was so self-consious from all their comments I eventually dieted it away.
It sounds awful, but I felt like my mother loved me so much more when I was skinny. We'd go shopping together and she's say how no matter what I put on looked marvelous because I had a "perfect body". All the time she'd marvel at how thin I'd become, and would just look back at my childhood photos as kind of a bad dream.
Well, her nightmare has come back to haunt her, and she never lets me forget it. I get constant reminders from her that I've gained weight. For Halloween this year I wanted to dress up as Red Riding hood, since my boyfriend is being a wolf. Anyway, I asked to use her red velvet cape she wore to her wedding. Turns out the matching dress is still with it.
But, of course, the dress was too small for me. Well, you can imagine what that made me feel like.
"Gee, I was thinner than you when I was nearly 30!"
"I guess it looks alright. We can just let it out here.. and here.. and here.."
After she was gone, I tore the dress and cape off, threw them in a pile on the floor, cried, thre up my supper, drank a bottle of water, and here I am.

So that's what led me to the site. I probably should have put this in introductions, but I felt more like I needed support than welcoming. Thank you for listening.
Transatlanticism xo
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Old 10-24-2006, 08:13 PM   #2
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Hi Transatlanticism! (I was just listening to that song earlier today.)

I'm so glad you decided to sign up and post. This site is an amazing resource for reading, but I hope that you'll come here often and chat with us as well, because nothing beats the support of real live humans (even if we are "just" online). I just wanted to offer both my welcome AND a , because it sure seems like you could use one right about now.
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Old 10-24-2006, 08:15 PM   #3
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Hi transatlanticism Welcome to the site. I'm sorry that your family has given you such a hard time about your weight. I grew up fat and for the most part it was never mentioned in my family. The few times that it was were very hard for me to deal with. In retrospect, maybe my family should have done more to encourage me to lose weight, but it's a very touchy issue. I'm sorry you feel like your mom's love depends on your weight... that can't be a nice feeling at all. There are lots of people here who have experienced the same kind of problems with their families so I'm sure you will find the support you need.
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Old 10-24-2006, 09:13 PM   #4
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Thank you so much for the love, guys. It's so nice to hear I'm not alone. I have a really hard time talking about the weight issue, and it feels good to break the silence.
It's also great to meet another Death Cab fan. I'm seeing them November 2nd. Be jealous, hehe.
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Old 10-24-2006, 09:24 PM   #5
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Dude you are totally not alone. I am 23...my parents are both kind of in denial that I am overweight and don't support my "fight" with obesity. But the way I look at it is like this: Do this for yourself. Your Mom might have other issues and is taking it out on you (still not right, but...). If and when you need help we are here, but DO THIS BECAUSE YOU WANT TO. Don't do it to get love, attention or anything else. You are the most important person in your life, always have been and always will be. Does this make sense? Hang in there girl.
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Old 10-25-2006, 12:11 AM   #6
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Hey,
I read this thread and especially your message and felt like I was reading my own life story! I too have always been over-weight. Never obese but definately over weight. When I was a kid, I used to get teased by my siblings all the time...and my mom is another story all together.
I completely identified with the cape and red riding hood incident. My mom did similar things to me ...and as I grew...so did my weight and my complexes.
What gets me the most about my mom is when she gives me the "look" She won't say anything but if I'm eating something or drinking something other than water - she gets the "look" It's an undescribable look- it's a mix between what your face would look like if you ate something really sour and something completely tasteless....
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is.... your mom is probably unhappy with something in her life...she probably hates the fact that life has passed her by... and that you're at an age where she would love to be.... it's not easy getting older.
I recommend that you eat. But eat right. Don't eat and throw up - that's bulemia waiting to happen.
you know the sad part is that we want the attention of our mothers. Their approval is SO important to us - that we are willing to go to any lengths to appease them.... the truth is...that we have to love ourselves first. I know I don't love myself...but I have realised that if there is anything that's going to save me - it's this.
How about being buddies....lets see each other through this journey...we'll lose weight...and who knows...somewhere along the line...learn to love ourselves.
Let me know.
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Old 10-25-2006, 01:10 AM   #7
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Story of my life, too. I was just coming in here to rant. In the same boat, college aged and not severely overweight, but still feeling overweight.

Being Asian, most of my family are teeny. I however gained my grandmother's genes and am on the slightly chubbier and curvier side. :[ I'm known as "piglet" in my family. I'm sure they mean no harm but... yeah. And constantly hearing side comments about my weight in comparison with my naturally thin cousins, I just want to hurl. I mean, they're my family. Where's the support.

And please don't fall into an eating disorder. I went through periods when I wouldn't eat ("that'll show them." were my thoughts) and it was just not good. :[ We can be support buddies. Exercise and healthier food. No throwing up or mothers who should know what that words hurt.
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Old 10-25-2006, 03:26 AM   #8
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you said it somewings! looks like we all have similar weight to drop...lets support each other...and lose the flab - for us. Not for our mothers or anyone else!
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Old 10-25-2006, 12:19 PM   #9
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I agree Soulmia and somewings!

I felt like I was reading my own story. I think what Soulmia said hits the nail right on the head....your mother (and mine) is not happy with herself. When people are unhappy with themselves they can be very hurtful. My mother has always said "as long as you feel good it doesn't matter what you weigh" but then she turns around and tells my family how much weight I've put on. My brother (whom I haven't seen in years) and I were on the phone and he actually called me a "porker" I couldn't believe that my mother had actually thought that was necessary to tell him. My mother was taking pleasure in my weight gain. Well I'll tell you something, I haven't seen or spoken with my mom in months and the next time she sees me she's going to be blown away. What a good feeling that will be, but I know I am doing it for me and not b/c of what my family thinks.

Soulmia gave some very good advice, we have to learn to love ourselves and you have to be beginning this journey for the right reasons. If you are not doing this for you, but instead, for the approval of your family, then you probably won't succeed. In my experience, you hit a certain point when you say to yourself "enough is enough, I don't want to look and feel this way anymore" and it's then that you're able to really make the change.

Do it for yourself, and only yourself. Good luck, we can all do this!
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Old 10-25-2006, 12:28 PM   #10
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somewings - I feel the same way! I'm considered fat here in China but when I go back to the US my friends tell me I'm thin. I'm so glad I didn't grow up here or I would've developed really low self-esteem. When I tell people my goal weight they think it's too low but if you compare it to those around me it's nothing!
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Old 10-25-2006, 12:32 PM   #11
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Default hey UWPiPhiAngel

You're from China! Thats fantastic!! i am actually going to Shanghai for a 5 day vacation on friday!! Any good tips
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Old 10-25-2006, 12:40 PM   #12
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HI transatlanticism ,

looks like we have the same amount of weight to lose.....it sucks to have ur own family beat u down abt the extra weight....i have been there and dealt with it....i am not gonna recap my horrors to u....lol!...but i have taken control....i am back on the weight loss wagon since last week..and doing good...

do join me....u'll love the results.......

tc.
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Old 10-25-2006, 12:42 PM   #13
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Default Juhi!?

You sound like you're Indian...are you? Nad if so, are you based in India?
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Old 10-25-2006, 07:06 PM   #14
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Of course, Soulmia.

And Chanty, I hope your mom is blown away. That's great.

UWPiPhiAngel, they were just naturally thin or sooomething. I always feel so bad when I can't even fit into their Large sizes.
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Old 10-25-2006, 08:03 PM   #15
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Wow, guys I am absolutely blown away by the awesome support here. It's so great to hear I'm not alone. I think the hardest step I have ahead of me is actually getting up the guts to step on the scale... something I haven't done since I was thinner. I'm so scared to see the number go up to something even worse than I expect. Ugh.
My initial solution was to lose a bit of weight BEFORE stepping on the scale, but so far that hasn't worked. So I guess I'm just going to have to bite the bullet.
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