[QUOTE=stephiewilliams;1369913]I have mixed motivators. I am so not going to lie, physcial appearance motivates me more than anything. Seeing people with bodies I admire, clothes, having my husband have the hottest wife on the block...they all do it for me.
DITTO i couldn't have said it better myself ....... i no its vain but that's totally me
One thing I would say for me is that I never found motivation in the negative. I used to try to motivate myself because I hated the way I looked, felt I was weak and then I tried to drill that negativity into myself to cause myself to change.
It has only been since I have been able to change my attitude and be positive about myself and what I am doing that I have been able to make changes. I am not fat because I am a bad person. I am fat because I never learned a better way to care for myself emotionally except to overfeed myself, and that has to change. It won’t change overnight, but change is possible. It might take me 10 years, but that’s ok (of course that doesn’t stop me from getting frustrated when the scale doesn’t move when I think it should). I want to be healthy, I want to be able to do things -especially travel. I also want to take a martial art and learn to fence. I can’t do those things to my full potential if I am fat. I am also preparing to make a career move and I don’t want to be limited by not being able to travel on my own.
It has only been since I have been able to change my attitude and be positive about myself and what I am doing that I have been able to make changes. I am not fat because I am a bad person. I am fat because I never learned a better way to care for myself emotionally except to overfeed myself, and that has to change. It won’t change overnight, but change is possible. It might take me 10 years, but that’s ok (of course that doesn’t stop me from getting frustrated when the scale doesn’t move when I think it should). I want to be healthy, I want to be able to do things -especially travel. I also want to take a martial art and learn to fence. I can’t do those things to my full potential if I am fat. I am also preparing to make a career move and I don’t want to be limited by not being able to travel on my own.
I love that passage. That's me.
I used to try and beat myself up over what I had become, fat, lazy and depressed.
Until I read Dr Phil's book, and the exact title escapes me, but it's his keys to weight loss. Now I am no Dr Phil fan, we don't get his show here, but a lot of the book resonated with me. About not wasting time on useless emotions, but getting down to business.
Once I worked out there were things I was gaining by being fat (he calls them pay offs) then I could start dealing with them. For me a lot of them were complicated, and quite personal, and I share the majority of them in my blog, but it's taken a lot of time, and I am still working on some of the mental barriers to weight loss.
Now I am getting far more pay offs from eating well and exercising than I got from being fat. That's helping me a lot. But I still struggle every day.
For me, it's not about motivation, it's determination. I need to get this weight off to have a better chance of a long happy life, and to do all the things I was always too scared to do.
Tossing "too big" clothes out of my closet. I'm keeping them in a large tote in the garage but I hope to never see them again unless I'm donating them all to Good Will.
Seeing a new number on the scale, especially a 10 digit milestone. Like when I went from 220 to 219, I don't EVER want to see 220 again so it motivates me that much more.
Being around positive people. DH is soooo not supportive in this, nor is he positive so I don't talk to him about it. When I saw my Grandma for the first time in 30lbs she made such a big deal and noticed it right away. Gotta love Grandma!
I hope you find the motivation you need this time, you can do it!
It just kinda hit me one day and that was it. It was a bunch of things. I want to be skinny for the first time in my life, I want to be able to buy something and not try it on. I want to be healthy, I want to fix the problem before it happens. I am young, I want to be young and enjoy it. I am going to get marrid one day and I want to be skinny and look beautiful in my wedding dress. When I get pregnant I want to be skinny so I have more engery to play with my kids. I just want to look and feel better and set a good example for my younger sister who is overweight.
I have lots of reasons, I would say they keep me going everyday even tho I don't think about. But I just wake up and do what I need to do, I hardly think twice anymore. Yes I have some bad days, some slip days, but that's okay - they will always be there. Either way the weight is coming off and I am doing this for me. I am my own motivation.
I know it sounds crazy, but I have to take motivation out of the equation. I knew from past experiences that motivation comes and goes. When I have relied solely on motivation to reach my goals I have failed (long term, anyway) every single time.
Some days are awesome. I wake up feeling gung ho about losing weight and I absolutely use that to my advantage. But, some days it just isn't there. I made the decision very early on that most of the time I was going to have to eat right, count calories, and exercise whether I felt like it or not - just like paying the bills, going to work, taking care of the kids. Those are things I do with or without motivation because I've made a commitment and have an obligation to do them. I take the same approach to weight lose. I have an obligation to myself to keep the promise I made to get healthy and feel good about the way I look. I faulter, I've recycled a few pounds, and I've made food choices that I regretted. But, MOST of the time I do what I have to do just because I HAVE to.
Like everyone else, I have reasons for wanting to lose weight. I want to look good, I want to feel good, I want to buy cute clothes. But, they are just REASONS for wanting to lose, not motivators. There will always be piece of cheesecake that seems more appealing and that offers more immediate satisfaction than a cute pair of size 4 jeans. When something like that presents itself I know I can't rely on my desire to wear the jeans to keep me on track. Instead, I have to rely on ME.
Something else that has kept me going this long has been the realization that weight lose is not an all or nothing game. Every bite is a chance to get it right. Giving in to the cheesecake every now and then doesn't mean the game is over and I've lost. It just means that I've made a CHOICE. And one choice DOES NOT have to impact the next.
Wow, I really appreciate everything you've all said!
It is a big help to the emotional side of things to hear that others are coming from the same place I am. I know that if I can find support in those that know my struggle then I am 1 step ahead of the game.
I guess I'll hang in there and try and make this time a success. I can't afford to fail anymore!
I could have wrote your post. I truly understand exactly what you are talking about. I have gotten to a place in my life where I can say with sincerity that for me it is more about regaining control over myself and humbling myself to admit I am weak and need help than it is just a "weight" issue. The weight came because I felt I could not control myself not to have that cookie or chocolate, or even limit my portions of them. No, this is a much deeper issue and it has been tearing my self-esteem and confidence away from me. Feeling like a failure is a miserable place to be..... Anyway, for me, it cannot be about a diet anymore. It has to be about something I can stick to for the rest of my life. I am eating foods that I truly enjoy and am eating what I normally would eat. Accountability, and CONTROL is more important. I have lost weight in the past in a very healthy manner and kept it off for over a year and a half. But I became cocky and thought I had everything licked and started back with the Ben & Jerry's and Godiva chocolate in quantities that all but guaranteed I would gain weight. Did I hold myself accountable....apparently not. This time it is about taking my life back, and for that I am willing to FIGHT.
I really understand this..I too have been at a place where I have lost, felt good and healthy and was looking good . I honestly thought that once I got to that place it would be a breeze but it is a much deeper issue because despite the benefits and the compliments..I allowed myself to regain plus more. So here i am feeling like a failure as well..and I realize that more than anything for me it is not enough to be looking good but something more.
I have a number of different things that motivate me. One is deeply exploring WHY I overeat (emotional reasons). Every time I do some work in the emotional/psychological arena, the weight starts coming off. I also had sleep apnea at one time and wanted to lose enough to ditch my CPAP machine (which I've done). I certainly want to look better and have more energy. I also want to focus more on eating for health than for weight loss per se, but I expect the weight to come off none-the-less.
Instead of focusing on weight loss at present, I'm practicing mindful eating with an emphasis on whole foods. I track my weight but it helps to have a focus other than just weight loss.
I've also found that not having a particular time frame in which I think I need to lose the weight helps tremendously. I plan to lose all the weight I want regardless of how long it takes. I find the pressure of trying to meet timed goals backfires on me.
My original motivation was to improve my health. At that point, I was at my highest weight ever and it was sink or swim time. I was already beginning to have problems due to my health and I knew it would only get worse as time went on.
Another motivation was to fit into these size 16 clothes that didn't even have the tags removed. It's ridiculous to buy new clothes when you can slim into the ones you already own.
That got me started, but it wasn't enough to keep me going. My keys to sticking to it are patience, persistence, and discipline. I can have all the reasons in the world to lose weight, but it doesn't matter if I don't apply myself to eat right and exercise. "Tomorrow" and "Later" are synonyms for "Never".
However you have to give yourself some slack and realize that you aren't going to be perfect. Messing up is okay, but the only real failure is to quit. I also created a lifestyle and diet I can live with and it is definitely a work in progress as your body or life changes. Flexibility is key.
Some other things that help me:
-Keeping one pair of my old pants so that I can remind myself of how far I've come. Sometimes when I get discouraged and think that I'm not getting ANYWHERE, I try them on to remind myself that I have gotten somewhere already.
-Tracking inches instead of pounds. The first year of my lifestyle change I only lost eight pounds, however I went from a size 22 to fitting in ,albeit tightly, into size 16 stretch jeans. Scales can be a pain since a gain isn't always fat.
-Setting non-weight loss goals. You will definitely discover that you can do more athletic stuff than you thought possible. I climbed on the treadmill in the beginning and had to work up to 15 minutes of regular walking. Now I've discovered that running is an enjoyable activity and it is empowering to do things that you thought were reserved only for the really athletic types.
-Reading. The more knowledge I have, the more tools I have in my weight loss arsenal. Knowing more about food and exercise helps to understand what is going on so that I can adjust those variables in my favor.
-Tell yourself that you can do it and mean it even if it does take more time than you anticipated. If you keep working at it, then you will succeed. I met my original two goals and now I'm working on my final goal of being a size 12. That's something that seemed far, far away not too long ago.
I agree with lucky. I try to avoid the "motivation" schtick, because motivation is fleeting. It is like a breeze, sometimes there and sometimes not, but to get the results I want, I need to make consistent choices. That comes by discipline. Some days I don't want to. Some days I mentally kick and pout and come up with a multitude of reasons to not exercise or to eat a bunch of crap. This week I have about 30 things to do that will get in the way of my goals and that would be valid reasons for me to not do what I need to do. I am tired, cranky, and overwhelmed. The "motivation" is no where to be found.
Tough tootsies. I am going to run and eat right and go to kick boxing ANYWAY!
So, while motivation is fleeting (for me anyway), I can pull out the mental bullwhip any old time. I will run tomorrow because that is what I do on Tues mornings. No excuses and certainly no dependence on being motivated. Don't get me wrong. I love it when I want to do those things. But sometimes I don't want to do them...but I do them anyway.
I agree with the probability that motivation is overrated. For me the key is buliding heathy habits that I can maintain for the rest of my life. Eating within my calorie limits and exercising daily are habits I have learned over time. It's still a struggle - but I know what I need to do. Find an eating plan you can live with and make a habit of exercising....fake the motivation if you have to - sooner or later you will surprise yourself by feeling funny when you don't get your exercise in. I never thought I would see that day....but here I am. YOU CAN BE TOO....."Just do it" seems so cliche....but dagnabbit, it's true!
Lots of things motivate me.. I want to feel better about myself, I want to look better, I want to be healthier.
I go in to the old navy and I have not been able to fit in to the woman's jeans for a long time so I buy size men's. It is pretty embarrassing for me to buy them it especially embarrasses to buy them in front of my husband. I know it should not because hey he is my husband.. but it does. My pant size has been getting bigger and bigger every time I go buy jeans and that was even more embarrassing.
Another thing that motivates me is that soon I will weigh less then my husband again! That will feel nice.
I'm also tired of people looking at me in a bad way when i walk by. I even had someone Oink at me about a year ago.. that reallllllly hurt!!! I want people to look at me and think I look good!
I don't think it matters what people find to motivate themselves if they're not motivating you. If you can find motivation however but the problem is in not sticking with it, you might want to look for ways to keep your motivation in sight...to make you remember what you're doing it for.
My initial motivation was in realizing I was too young to be getting so out of breath and that I had family I wanted to be here for for a very long time. Later, I was further motivated by comments, looks, whistles...the realization that I had become attractive when I'd been hiding in a size 22/24 for so much of my life.
Now my motivation is once again family as we have a new addition. But also in the realization that it's easier to hang onto the motivation I have and keep my weight down than it would be to renew a lost motivation and get it back down. So I keep with it.
I had to do little things to nudge my motivation at times, like finding new and exciting ways to exercise (joining yoga classes, joining the gym, buying a bike, etc.). And I would buy an expensive outfit a size smaller than I wore and hang it in plain sight (and try it on every day LOL). Some people hang pictures of what they aspire to be on their bathroom mirrors, or hang signs or unflattering pictures on their fridge doors. But none of those are the motivation. They're just motivation boosters.
