[fiddler]

I'm really feeling blue right now and I just can't seem to pull myself out of it. The past year has been pretty traumatic. First my Grandma died. She was my confidante and friend, and the one person I could always count on to be there for me. Then my mother was diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully, she is currently in remission. Then my favorite cat died a horrible, painful death. To top it off, my boyfriend of five years left me about a month ago.

The one friend that I have in this area is going to be moving away next month.

I just feel so alone and overwhelmed. I'm seeing a counselor and she says I am doing all the right things, like going to the gym and finding other ways to meet people, but I feel like none of it is working. I work in a job where I don't meet the public, so I don't meet people at work. And to a lot of people, if you're fat, you might as well be invisible.

I'm mostly OK during the week when I'm at work around people and then can go to the gym afterwards and work out until I'm exhausted, but weekends are really hard because I'm by myself and the gym is closed on Sunday. I know it will get better with time, but how do you cope until it gets better?

I'm trying to turn it into something positive by focusing on losing weight, but I think it will take me a least a year to get to my goal, and right now it just seems like a long, lonely road stretching out in front of me...

I guess I should just be happy that I'm one of those people who loses their appetite when they get depressed

[tipsygypsy]

I don't really know of anything to say, but I didn't want you to think I read it and didn't care, either. So if it helps at all, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers tonight. *hugs*

[Misti in Seattle]

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. You are in my prayers tonight!

[fiddler]

Thank you. It really helps to know there are kind, caring people out there.

[chick_in_the_hat]

We may not be the same as REAL world friends - but we are here for ya!!

And it sounds like you ARE doing all the right things...chin up, girl!! I hope things get better for you soon. 4 sizes smaller already - WOO HOO!

[Abbeycat36]

Hi Fiddler,

I'm sorry you've had such a bad time for the last while
Like the others I wish I had something to offer. It's really good that you're talking to a counselor about your problems, I bet that helps a lot more.

I think it is probably going to help you out a lot to just try to focus on positive things, and you are already well on your way with that. You've taken all of the right steps to feeling better. The only other thing that I could suggest is try to think of some small thing that you might be able to join that would be a low commitment thing, maybe a day a week. Perhaps an art class of some sort, or even weight watchers if you're doing WW?

I wish good things for you and I know if you keep moving forward in a positive direction it will all come together.

[artmaker]

I was going to suggest the same thing...some sort of activity that you enjoy or would enjoy that would put you in contact with other people...like an art class, or a drawing class...or tennis lessons....or joining one of those teams that walk for charity and will train you...killing two birds with one stone....or a reading group at the library...or one of those community volunteer groups. Check your local paper for those kinds of things. Do they have any group classes at your gym, where you would see the same people each time....and remember...a smile goes a long way in getting to know people, even tho' you are feeling unsure on the inside.

Good luck.

Susan

[fiddler]

Thanks. Those are good suggestions.

No classes at my gym unfortunately. I already have the fiddle class but the "class" consists of one other person, LOL. I wish I could find something on weekends as I'm already really busy during the week, but this isn't the big city and they kind of roll up the sidewalks around here on weekends. I thought about taking a ballroom dance class, but I don't really comfortable doing that until I have lost more weight.

The WW was a good suggestion, except that I'm not doing a WW diet (tried WW in the past but it's not really the kind of diet I can stay on). Isn't there something called TOPS though that is kind of a weight-loss support group but they don't have a structured diet? Does anyone know anything about it? I wonder if they have one of those around here.

Thanks for all the kind wishes. It really helps.

[catrinaH]

Hi fiddler : ) I play a fiddle as well!!! I find when i play my fiddle everyday i feel alot better about myself. I have troubles meeting people since i've gained weight but i feel like my violin will never turn me away, sort of like a dog : P. Its always there for you and never questions you.
When i'm feeling particularly sad I use the energy and play sad songs and turn it into something beautiful. By the time i'm finished I find i can't be sad anymore becuase of how beautiful the music was, making me proud instead of sad. Music can be a pacifier but i bet you've found this out already : P.

What type of fiddle music do you play? I play mostly Irish/celtic : )

[fiddler]

Hi Catrina!

It's nice to find a fellow fiddler. I sent you a PM.

[blues4miles]

Hi fiddler I am so sorry you are going through all of this right now. I only wanted to say that maybe it seems you are putting too much emphasis on the losing the weight bit. I don't think people are looking through you because you are overweight, and it probably won't magically create the confidence you need to make new friends. If you have the opportunity to go to some kind of counseling I'd suggest it, it does wonders and will in fact help you with losing the weight. Just know that there are lots of us here on these boards who will be here for you regardless of what your real life situation may be.

[fiddler]

blues4miles,

Thanks for the support. I am going to counseling, but my problem is more of a not having the opportunity to meet many people rather than a lack of confidence. I don't think losing the weight will magically make everything better, but I think it would improve my chances. And I really need to feel like I am doing something positive right now.

It really helps to know that friendly people like you are out there.

[penpal]

I've found that volunteering for charity work such as helping out at a food bank, visiting shut-ins or folks in nursing homes, etc. can be very rewarding and you also get to meet some nice people. When we help others, it takes our attention off our own problems for a while. Every town has a need for volunteers in many different areas and you only need to volunteer as much time as you can manage. Even an hour or two can be very uplifting.

Anyone who judges you because of your size is not worth knowing anyway. I hope you'll soon be feeling better.