How do you deal with that? Does it help or hinder?
My husband gets extremely grumpy when he hasn't eaten. It absolutely drives me nuts!! I feel like he is mad at me for some reason. He always says, I'm just irritable because I haven't eaten! I'm not mad at you.
It sure doesn't help my diet any when he acts this way.
That's a hard one. When mine gets this way I usually 1) take him a cold beer 2) fix him something that he likes to eat 3) rub his back 4) scratch his head or basically just kiss his butt til he gets over it. Now, this all depends if I am in the mood to put up with him being whiney. Sometimes I will just go take myself a long luxurious bath and ignore him.
I also get really grumpy when I am very hungry (I think it's a blood sugar drop thing), to the point that if I get snappy in the car, my husband will drive into a fast food drive through and tell me I need to get something, anything with at least 150 calories to get the blood sugar up there so I can be civil.
My husband gets extremely unpleasant to be around when he is in pain. Unfortunately he now is in severe pain constantly, and nothing helps much (even the narcotic pain meds that he takes daily). He sees a neurosurgeon next week to see back surgery will help.
Even knowing there is a "good" reason for his "bad" mood, it is very hard for me to deal with. Generally, I try to lighten his mood, and if it doesn't work, I basically spend some quality alone time, and let him stew if he needs to. I take a hot shower, read a book, watch a movie in the bedroom, or work on craft projects. I try not to get mad, because I know it isn't personal, I just decided that when I can't handle it anymore, I give up and pamper myself.
We've talked about it, and have come to grips with the fact that we have different needs when we are sick or suffering. I need attention, and he wants to be alone or ignored.
Kaplods and lillybelle, you are soooooooooooo much nicer than me!!!
If Col is grumpy he gets ignored, sent out to the pub, or yelled at! He doesn't get grumpy when he's hungry, in fact he rarely seems to get hungry. He'd have the good sense to go and make a sandwich or something if he's hungry.
I hope your hubby doesn't expect you to run after him and fetch him food. I presume he knows where the kitchen is
This makes me crazy! My step-dad (I love him to bits, by the way, so this isn't just me being grouchy about him) get's really moody when he hasn't eaten. He's 55 years old. He really should be old enough to realize that, hey, he's really hungry, and that kinda makes him feel yucky, so maybe.... he should eat! Really, he should just be able to go get a snack and deal with it, but because my mom has babied him, he sits around getting grumpier and grumpier and making it unpleasant for everyone around him until she brings him food. Grr! My mom shouldn't have to read his moods and try to fix them, he shoudl do it himself. Because of this, when my partner gets grumpy over something that's not related to me, I leave - I go for a walk/to the gym/to a friend's house. Since he's left alone, he's learned to fix the problem himself, and I don't put myself in a position of being his mood regulator for the next 50 years of my life. Seriously, go out for a bit, and he'll fix it himself.
Both hubby and I get grumpy when hungry, but sometimes we don't recognize it for what it is. Now when he's grumpy I can remind him to eat something and he sees that he feels better when he does, and he does the same for me.
When hubby is mad... that is his problem to deal with. I tell him that I haven't done anything to him, to stop taking it out on me, and that whatever it is is his problem. Then I leave him alone for a little while.
Women generally need to realize that when the husband isn't in a good mood, it most times doesn't have anything to do with the wife, and just because we are the wife doesn't mean we need to fix it.
My pops and my sis are like that. Usually, I can control my temper when I'm hungry but if it's for 6 -8 hours, then I get *****y.
My mom has babied my dad too in seeing to his food and stuff. I guess that's how she shows love. If he's hungry, he snaps like a shark. We ignore it as best we can. I mean really, who cares.
kykaree, I don't think I'm being particularly nice to DH, just treating him like I want to be treated when I get irrationally grumpy. He telling me, "I think you need to eat something," is as much in his self-interest as concern for me, isn't much different than me trying to make him forget a little of his pain with some teasing or joking. If I can't tease him out of grumpiness, I know he is in so much pain that he needs to be left alone to cope in his own way (which ironically either involves reading the bible - or very disturbing cartoons or video games).
I think some of us tend to be empathic to the point that we absorb the emotions of people we are with, especially of close friends and family.
I know I am overly empathic. And unlike most men, my husband is too. When I am angry or depressed, even if I think I am hiding it well, my husband senses it and will badger me with "what's wrong" until I talk about it. Sometimes I don't know the reason myself, or it's so silly I don't want to talk about it, and possibly start an argument over nothing (if it's because one of his ordinarly endearing habits, suddenly become not so endearing).
This empathy makes our relationship a very close one, but sometimes claustrophobically close.
Tracy, I know you said your husband's grumpiness doesn't help your diet, but you can't let his emotions become your emotions. He owns his emotions, just as you own yours. If you are eating in response to his emotions, that's your responsibility not his (just as if you were eating in response to your own emotions). I'm not saying you have to put up with his grumpiness stoically, just that you don't have to allow it become your grumpiness.
When he starts to get grumpy, tell him "eat something you're getting grumpy."
I know my husband tells me that, and I used to let it give me an excuse to eat stuff I shouldn't and then blame it on him - after all he made me eat. When he first started pulling in the drive-thrus if I got grumpy during a car trip, I would order the worst things on the menu, and later blame him for it.
But when we both recognized the pattern, we had to change how we dealt with it. He and I both try to remember that I need to eat something before we leave the house, and I should take a granola bar with me if we'll be gone long. And, if we do unexpectedly have to find something for me to eat, I can choose something reasonable in calories at a gas station or even a fast food restaurant.
When he gets grumpy because he's in pain, I tell him "Is it time for more pain meds, you're getting very grumpy." If it isn't time for more meds, I try to distract him with a funny story or tease him (if we're home, maybe flash the boobies - that usually makes him laugh - if it doesn't I know he's really hurtin'). If he's still grumpy, I let him be grumpy, I just don't stick around to make it a grump fest. If we're stuck with each other for a while (like if we're out doing errands or something), I just ignore it completely. When I stop talking to him, and start looking out the window or grab a paperback book, it often reminds him that he's being antisocial and he will try to cheer up. And if it doesn't, well, that's why I try to remember to bring my book along, just in case.
Kaplods... reading your post I can see that you and your husband take care of each other to whatever extent you can but don't feel responsible for each others moods. I think this is so important.
If my husband gets grumpy and I can tell it is because he is hungry I do something about it.. sometimes make him something .. or bring him something simple.. or just suggest that he needs to eat. When someone's blood sugar plummets and they get moody because of it, they don't always recognize the problem for what it is.. and they aren't exactly rational enough to just walk into the kitchen or stop at a store.
My husband does the same for me.. I don't get moody when I am hungry but I do have other issues that he is good at recognizing and comes to my rescue. We look out for each other.
Hubby in a bad mood?
