aaaargh! Why is it that I HONESTLY worked hard to lose weight in a HEALTHY way and I'm a healthy, normal weight and people can't just leave it alone? I got the news from my mother that it was a consensus from all my aunts that it's "enough. don't lose any more" b/c they all think I'm "doing something". (never mind that I never go below 1800 cals/a day) Why is it always women who have these comments, by the way? I've either heard from men: -nothing , or -compliments.
I'm so annoyed b/c I don't talk about what I'm eating, my weight loss, nothing. I just wish I were never heavy.
thanks for "listening" to my rant.
What really stinks about this is that I can't stop them from talking about it and I can just imagine what they're saying. Also, it makes me doubt myself. Makes me look in the mirror and wonder "do I really look anorexic?"
I can't let it SABOTAGE me!
MMMHHHMMMM. I know what you are saying. I am very heavy now, but there was a time when I was 110 pounds. Best I ever felt or looked.
I got (from my heavier relatives no less ) "you are too skinny" " Oh, honey... look how loose your clothes are...you look anorexic" That last one was particulary offensive. It would be like someone coming up to me now and saying, "My God you are fat... look at how tight those clothes are... oh honey, are you an over eater?" Either way, them's fightin' words...I have to face my own demons in the mirror, let alone having someone else toss their own evil opinions my way.
I think that if you know you are in a healthy range, and you are happy, you need to tell them to back up. It is insulting and offensive. You are beautiful, and I am proud of you.
What really stinks about this is that I can't stop them from talking about it and I can just imagine what they're saying. Also, it makes me doubt myself. Makes me look in the mirror and wonder "do I really look anorexic?"
I can't let it SABOTAGE me!
No you can't. Don't imagin what THEY are saying, let THEM talk. they are going to say things one way or another. I bet you when you were heavier THEY talked about that too. Only since being "big" is a "sin" in our society and a "touchy" subject acording to some, they didn't say anything to your(or your mom) in fear of insulting either of you...its really annoying and you can't defend yourself cuz they will say your in "denial" (the FIRST sign of a *gasp* eating disorder) OOOOOOO...
Yea I have gone through all of this before. there is nothing you can do to stop them from talking, so let them fill their life with it, they must have nothing better to do.
Ignore them...
We would all be better off if we didn't listen to what other people had to say about us. I know it's your family and all, but as long as you know you're losing it in a healthy way and you like the way you look, it really doesn't matter what others say. No matter what, they'll talk, so let them and keep doing what you are doing.
If my mom said that to me, I'd tell her where to shove it.... and that she has no right to make comments when she doesn't even know what is going on. Keep repeating: Mind Your Own Business. If she calls and says something, hang-up on her until she gets the hint.
It isn't any of your family's business how much weight you lose or if you are still trying. Be assertive and tell them so!
Families can be crazy sometimes. I have one side of my family that fully supports what I am doing to lose weight while the other side always tells me that I am fat to what ever weight I am at. It has been like that all my life with that particular side of the family. If you are not a bean pole you are fat!! At least that is the message I have gotten all my life.
I am not built as a bean pole. No matter what weight I lose I am going to have curves or be curvy.
Family and friends can feel like they can say things to us that strangers would not. I think _some_ of the people that make comments, it could be their insecurity speaking. They wish they could do what you are doing, and feel jealous. Not saying this is the case with you, but some people do feel a little insecure when people around them succeed. Some people get used to you being a particular way and know how to deal with the 'overweight you' but .. wow, now you're becoming more confident.. i don't know how to deal with that.
My mom, when I told her I was going to try again, she said "well, you've done it before, it didn't work, so why do you think its going to work this time?" and.. "Oatmeal? You're eating oatmeal? I don't know of any diets that allow you to eat that, that's not a diet food." "You've been exercising for years, and it hasn't done anything for you yet".
Hmm sounds like good advice coming from my mom, huh? I was really angry at her that day, but I just told her, look, I'm gonna try again - if I don't, then I have to accept fatness and death, and I can't do that, so I'm gonna keep trying. Logically one would think that their mom would be the most supportive person in your life. Not mine, I guess.
Best thing to do in your case I'd say is.. "uh huh, maybe you're right, I'll think about that" and it will satisfy them. That's what I do now.
Well as the saying goes "Dont talk about yourself in a crowd of people because when you leave they will talk about you" I think that is the general just of it. People are going to talk no matter if they are strangers or family. **** if they got nothing better to do let them talk. If you are healthy and satisfied with your weightloss thats all that matters. As far as the comments being mostly from women--I personally think we judge each other far more harshly than we should. I even think it makes us feel slightly better if we can find a flaw in someone else. Its just human nature. Dont stress about it. Let them eat cake--and get fat!
Don't feel bad. I found out through my MIL that my SIL says I look "bad" because my face is too thin.
That was nice, finding that out.
My SIL, however, is over 300 pounds (or close to it) and my husband said, "Don't worry about it. People judge others by what they see every day. And every day she sees herself."
My family says the same thing about me. I know that I eat healthy and am in the middle of my healthy weight range. So, let them talk. I don't care. They should have been a lot more worried when I was obese and very unhealthy. I'm sure they talked then too, just not to my face.
I know how you feel, my mom thinks I am doing "something" to lose this weight. I was heavy right before high school and dropped a bunch of weight and to this day she thinks I was bulimic, I swear to her that I lost the weight with diet and excersise but I still see doubt. I am now in my mid twentys and on my way back down again and I am doing weight watchers. I recently passed by her weight wise and she keeps telling me she eats better than me and exercises more and she doesn't know why she isn't losing. I think she is just a little jealous. She did pay me an honest compliment the other day, she asked my husband if he liked the fact that his cute high school girlfriend (me) was coming back. She usually gives a compliment and then tells me my belly is flabby and I need to work on it. I would just chalk it up to jealousy.
My family says the same thing about me. I know that I eat healthy and am in the middle of my healthy weight range. So, let them talk. I don't care. They should have been a lot more worried when I was obese and very unhealthy. I'm sure they talked then too, just not to my face.
Yeah. You're probably right.
I didn't mean to sound insensitive about SIL by saying it made me feel better knowing she looks at a heavy woman in the mirror every day. Because it concerns me she's that heavy. But I can't shove my 'advice' onto her when she doesn't want it, nor can I feel bad about myself because I'm much thinner than she is. She tried losing weight and actually lost about 32 pounds and I was very happy for her and proud of her. But she's slipping right back into her old habits again and there's nothing I can do about it. I know, I've been there. She has to want to do it for herself. And I can't change that.
I just wish she wouldn't say those things about me to other people. But, I can't do anything about that either. She thinks I look bad. And so do I, to tell you the truth. My face *IS* too thin and I hate it. But I'm not gonna regain any of my weight just to put it back on my face.
LLV, you are absolutely right, you can't make someone else lose weight. It didn't matter to me how many people thought I needed to lose weight, until I wanted and badly needed to do it, I just didn't do it. I couldn't. I didn't have the willpower or the determination at the time. Sure, I made plenty of half-hearted attempts, but nothing serious. I couldn't stick to it before now.
I have one sister that keeps telling me that I have went over-board and lost too much, but I don't think so and neither does my doctor. I know she is a little jealous because she has always been the smallest of us sisters. I hope she does lose some weight, because she is having trouble with her blood pressure. It runs in our family and she is about 40 lbs. over-weight now. I was hoping to maybe lead by example and that she would see how much healthier I am now and decide for herself to do the same.
Well you have to realize that some people will say these things because you are losing weight and they are not. As long as you feel good, are healthy and your doctor gives you the thumbs up then you are doing the right thing for yourself.
"they all think you're doing something"
) "you are too skinny" " Oh, honey... look how loose your clothes are...you look anorexic" That last one was particulary offensive. It would be like someone coming up to me now and saying, "My God you are fat... look at how tight those clothes are... oh honey, are you an over eater?" Either way, them's fightin' words...I have to face my own demons in the mirror, let alone having someone else toss their own evil opinions my way.
I would just chalk it up to jealousy.
