[phantastica]

It's trouble with my only son. He's decided to move in with his father. We went through this a year ago, where he lived there for six months but decided to move home, so I know what to expect. I don't know how to get through a situation like this without wanting to bury myself in sugar and trans-fats.

I'm trying to set an appointment with our family therapist to make sure that he's using a rational decision-making process on this.

Since he's done this before, I have to insist that he not come back ... him going back and forth between schools and houses isn't doing him any favors academically (he's going to be a junior in high school).

He's not in any trouble, aside from the fact that he has no motivation to do well in school. No drugs, no reason to believe he's sexually active, no behavior problems.

I just dread going through this again.

[NinaV]

It does sound like a sticky situation. First of all – I don’t have kids yet, so my 5 cents is just an opinion, please don’t take it as anything else.
I can totally understand how a stressful situation like this can cause you to lose your focus. But look at what you have already accomplished – 60 pounds!!! I’m sure there had been other stressful situations there along the way, maybe not quite as stressful as this, but you’ve managed them anyway. Just draw on those experiences. Think about how you handled it in the past and apply the same strategy, just make adjustments.
It sounds to me like you have a good kid there. He is doing what most teenagers do so well – he is being a teenager. I wouldn’t tell him not to come back if I were you, it puts too much pressure on already tense circumstances. Plus you will feel guilty about it and I don’t know about you, but with me guilt is a BIG binge trigger.
Stay strong and remember one thing – parenting is one of the hardest things we as humans get to do in life. Don’t put too much pressure on your self. Nobody is a perfect parent, you just do the best you can with the circumstances you are given.
I hope this helps a little.

[lilybelle]

I know that this would be terribly hard. I wouldn't tell him to not come back. Quite the opposite, I would let him know that if he isn't happy with his dad that he always has a home with you. If at all possible, try to be on good terms with him when he leaves. My son had wanted to go live with his dad for a while , but never did. He absolutely can't get along with his step-mom. Good luck with this stressful situation.
Please remember to try and stay on your weight loss program. You have came so far. Bad food won't help your situation and gaining will make you feel worse.

[AmberKay]

*hugs* and *kisses*

Find another outlet, dear! When I need to unwind, get rid of stress, I either work out or get my medicine balls out. I know it sounds dumb, but a half hour of meditation with my medicine balls really calms me. I do it every night before bed. It really takes my stresses down a level and helps me relax.

[phantastica]

Thank you guys!

I've managed to continue losing weight in all situations, but something as drastic as my only child (prematurely) no longer living with me is such an unfathomable change. I hope my past strategies will work here as well.

[BreakingFree]

, phantastica. You'll be in my thoughts.

Mary

[Stevi-rocks]

I'm on the fence as to whether you should tell him not to come back or not. I think it an unreasonable statement as you are having trouble with him going at all much less sticking to him never returning. I have a 14 year old son. He was my only up until 5 months ago. He now has a little brother. We have been throught the ol' I'll just go live with Dad but only when he is being difficult or unruly about a rule or restriction here. He has never gone. I'm confident he'll never go. His father simply can't provide like I can and is incapable of making decisions in line of our son's best interest being #1 priority (Where he lives, quality of school, frequency of moving, etc..) there's also the lack of understanding, I have all the "time spent" insight to our son's personality. Even DS says "How come you get it and Dad just doesn't?" Cuz I'm the Mom. Anyhow, in the event of a major misunderstanding, like when DS gained a Step-father to live with or the adjustment to the new baby brother, I was always very honest with him regarding his future and his happiness. I am always careful not to bash his father but if I have to make the decision between my son's best interest and sounding neg. about his Dad...Dad loses. Never nasty though. Dad does enough to prove my point and often! I offer my opinion, knowing my son respects it (generally). With enough time, the situation has always just blown over. I hope my situation was helpful. I can totally feel your pain and apprehension. My thoughts are with you.

[QuilterInVA]

Food and overeating just adds to burden, doesn't help with anything. You need to have strategies in place to deal with stress without resorting to food.

[GenreGirl]

It sounds like a painful situation, Phantastica. Congrats to you for trying to speak w/ a therapist with your son ahead of time. Maybe this person could help you individually or reccommend another person you could speak with? That way you'd have another adult to share your burdens with.

Otherwise I'd say make a list of favorite non-food treats to help yourself along on a bad day. Someone here had a thread of similar things. I think it might have been Misti in Seattle? Maybe. I can't remember. There were lots of suggestions, though. Perhaps someone else remembers that thread better than I do.

Keep coming here, no matter what. The support is great!