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Old 06-20-2006, 01:26 AM   #1
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Angry Why Cant I Get It!!!! :'(

I'm so frustrated with myself Sigh...I KNOW that I am overweight, I KNOW that I need to lose the weight, and I WANT to, I really really do.....But I just CANT GET IT! It's like...You know that you should finish that report that your boss wants by 4 p.m. but you would rather read a book...That kind of feeling. And in the end, your doing your report at 3:30 and you know it's not the best you could have done, but you procrastinated and now it's all you have. That's how I am with this weight loss thing. I'm putting it off and putting it off. I KNOW that I need to lose weight, I need to get healthy, I need to look better, I need to exercise. I need it all. I am seriously, unhealthy. According to my BMI, I am obese, and it is very unhealthy for me, especially when I am not even 19 yet. I don't LOOK 260 pounds, which I guess, maybe that's why it hasn't slapped me in the face yet, but I am....I just don't understand why it hasn't hit me. Why I can't just get on the band wagon, and DO it!.... Why can't I just slap myslef in the head and say "you dummy, JUST DO IT!" And force myself out of bed to exercise and force myself to eat healthy....Eating healthy, isn't such a problem as exercising. I just DON"T exercise, at all. I hate being outside, I hate walking, I hate running....And I'm an hour away from the gym, so I can't go to the gym every day, nor can I afford to go. I am signed up for the gym at college, which is only about a half a block away from my dorm room, which will be nice. I don't have to drive there, and they open early and close late, so I can do it "at my leisure"....But food is my biggest problem. I can go 3 or 4 days eating healthy, eating good foods, 1200 calories a day....But then, I just fall off. I can't do it anymore. It's REALLY annoying for me to have to figure out my calorie intake every day with fitday. And I can't just find a menu I like, and stick to it. Thats why SBD didn't work. I can't eat the same thing day after day after day.....I like tasting new stuff every day.....I have no problem with the fruits for breakfast, but I don't like yogurt, so thats out.....I don't know what else to eat with fruit. And I don't like V8, or any tomato juice, or orange juice..........Lunch and dinner are the problems. I just get so sick of chicken every day. My parents own a bar/restaurant, so it's EASY to cook food, but its the SAME food every day. Chicken, chicken chicken......I'm not going to cook a whole meal for myself. It will never get eaten.....Maybe I'm better off waiting until school, where I can just pick something, insted of making something?........Sigh...Thats so far away though. I'd like to at least go to school with a foundation for a new life, but it's not looking like it's going to happen. I just feel miserable. A failure. Like, why can't I just grasp that I need to DO something. The weight isn't just going to fall off of me by me doing nothing.......Sigh.....Help?..
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Old 06-20-2006, 07:15 AM   #2
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I think that everyone has the same problem at one point or another...all of us have been, or still are overweight-and usually stay that way and live that way for a period of time before we decide to become healthier.

For a lot of us, there is usually some sort of "revelation" or an event that finally makes us "make the change". We all know/knew that we were fat for a while before we made our lifestyle changes-we just needed a certain trigger. Maybe you are not at that point yet...my suggestion is to hang around here for a while and simply READ...and when you finally have the lightbulb go off in your head that sets everything else in motion, then you will already have a built in support system here to be there for you when you need it.

I was about 150 before I had my daughter (who is now 7 1/2) and I was about 200 after I had her. I did not start changing my lifestyle with diet and exercise until she was almost a year old. I knew I was fat, and a couple of sizes bigger than I was before I had her-but I was so caught up in HER, that I wasn't worried so much about ME. It took the death of my aunt from diabetes in her early 40's that year (I am a gestational diabetic) and seeing a video of myself in the beauty pageant that my daughter was in soon after, to realize and come to terms with what I needed to do-for both vanities sake, and for the sake of my health. I wanted to be around in my 40's, and not have the same fate as my aunt.

I made it to my goal weight with diet and exercise, and also maintained that weight with the continuation of that way of eating and exercise-until I had my son a couple years later. I lost weight the same way after his birth through diet and exercise as well. I am currently expecting my third and last, and the plan remains the same. I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot go on "a diet". I have made the choice to eat healthier, and to exercise regularly, for the rest of my life. It is the only way.

What I am saying is, there are different phases. There are the "quick fix" phases where you might stay on a plan for a couple weeks-lose a couple pounds, and fall off the wagon. There is the phase where you lose a good deal of weight, and then gain it back because you stopped after the weight loss and went back to your old lifestyle. There is the phase where you know you are fat and should do something about it, but you just are not at the point yet to do anything...these are all normal and most of us who have ended up being successful have went through all of these.

Just learn what you can, and when the time comes, you will be ready.

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Old 06-20-2006, 07:26 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aphil
For a lot of us, there is usually some sort of "revelation" or an event that finally makes us "make the change". We all know/knew that we were fat for a while before we made our lifestyle changes-we just needed a certain trigger. Maybe you are not at that point yet...my suggestion is to hang around here for a while and simply READ...and when you finally have the lightbulb go off in your head that sets everything else in motion, then you will already have a built in support system here to be there for you when you need it.
Absolutely wonderful advise. The most important thing for me when I start falling is to come to 3FC and just read. It is the one thing I know I must do to keep everything else moving.
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Old 06-20-2006, 07:50 AM   #4
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Great advice so far. read read read here. One of the things that struck me when I read your post was that you seemed to have a set idea of what a "diet" looked like. For examples, for someone 260 pounds, 1200 calories a day isn't enough to eat! Maybe you couldn't stick to a "diet" because it wasn't a plan for YOU! I like the flexibility of calorie counting, but DO write down everything I eat. I was NOT in favor of this idea before I started it, but it has been the most useful tool.

Perhaps when you start, just try to keep an eye on portion control and go from there, finding a healthy diet you can live with for life (and that fits with your lifestyle).

As for exercise... I don't usually like it either, but had to come to the point where I realized it was necessary. You don't need a gym, but you do need a commitment. And as long as you keep telling yourself you hate it, you won't open yourself to the possibility of things you might really like, if you give yourself the chance.

I am not trying to sound mean here, but your post reminded me of myself before I was really ready to start. I had all kinds of reasons (good reasons it seemed) for why I couldn't eat well or exercise. My poor husband was the biggest one. I put up a ton of barriers to healthy living. You seem like you're still at that point. I look back now and see those "good reasons" really were barriers and excuses. When you're ready and you want it enough, you'll find ways around those issues, and learn so much about yourself in the process!

In the meantime: read read read here! One of the things that has kept me going and that I find so inspiring are all the ways people here just DO it. They get that eating and exercise in. Yes, we all have different ways, but we break down those barriers! I have gotten so many real and practical ideas about how to eat well and exercise and how to work in all kinds of situations. I have realized that if I want it enough, there are ways to do it. What's more surprising is that I really love the foods I eat now (plenty of variety) and love what my body can already do.

Welcome, and good luck! I hope to see you post often!
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Old 06-20-2006, 08:16 AM   #5
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I agree with the above posters that 1200 calories a day for someone who is 260 lbs is not enough. I'm amazed you could go longer than a day!! I have trouble keeping my calories at the 1600 - 1700 level where I should be...*sigh* That tells me you have the willpower - it's all about the mindset. Read other posts on here. Inspiring stories like Meg and Mrs Jim. They inspire me to go jog when it's humid as a rainforest out because I want to look good and most important, I want to FEEL good. You have to make yourself want it - it's not enough that you imagine yourself 100 lbs lighter, you have to get out there and do it!!! Start by weaning yourself off of bad foods and incoporate good ones at the same time. For instance, let's say you eat fries every day. Tell yourself for 1 week, you're going to eat fries every day except Sunday and on Sunday, have something else that's healthy - not necessarily a salad, maybe a soup of some kind. Then the next week, tell yourself you'll have fries every day except Sunday and Monday and so on and so forth. You will ultimately get to the point where you're having fries once a month or once every two months or maybe not at all! Think about it that way. When you give your body an opportunity to adjust, you can be successful at lifestyle changes.
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Old 06-20-2006, 09:08 AM   #6
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Hi Pinkwhispers05,

You don't have to take everything on at once... and you certainly don't have to beat yourself up about what you're NOT doing (exercise). Instead, why not concentrate on healthy eating and pat your self on the back for it? The desire to add exercise will come later, as you lose weight and feel better and have more energy. While you're concentraing on getting the calories just right maybe you can create some small rules to live by that will ease you into exercising--that you will walk to the store, or volunteer to walk a neighbor's dog a few times a week. Or, if you're really committed to getting to the college gym, find a buddy to go with.

First things, first: I agree that your daily calorie intake is too small. That's the first thing to address-- you're probably falling off the wagon because you're starving yourself.

Calorie deficit works--even without exercise, it works. It's just simple math and you have to get it right. So first, do some research and find a reasonable starting place for your calories per day. Then work on making it fun. One thing that really helped me was finding foods with lots and lots of volume, so that I didn't feel deprived. For instance, you can make a pasta dish (use soy pasta for more protein!) with only a small amount of pasta and and entire head of escarole braised with garlic, lemon, hot pepper flakes and vegeatable stock. Yum...! You'll feel full and satisfied!

There's a beautiful cookbook out called The New American Plate full of delicious recipes. There's the Volumizer book full of advice for getting the most spend for your calorie buck. Make creating good low cal food your focus. Get to where you can have friends over for dinner and serve them a low cal meal... and they won't have the slightest idea they didn't eat like usual.

And, as everyone else said, read these forums. There is so much in the way of good advice, inspiration, recipe tips... and post on your daily progress to keep yourself accountable.

Mostly, realize you've already made an important step-- you've acknowleged a problem. Sometimes it takes a while to get to next big milestone, but you'll get there.
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Old 06-20-2006, 09:45 AM   #7
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I started out at 276 and have been bouncing around a lot due to health issues. I think everyone is right, someday you will have a revelation. I have gone through various phases of trying to exercise, trying to diet, but finally in February I had my revelation. I played intramural floor hockey with some of my friends, and it was sooooooo hard. I was goalie, and the day after my knees hurt so bad that I had trouble walking. I decided right then and there that I needed to start some sort of exercise to help my knees - and I know that losing weight is important to help my knees too.

I'm 25 now, but when I was 19 (and probably 230 lbs), I started having trouble with my knees getting sore in power lectures (90 min) in college.

The other part of my revelation was someone comparing me to a famous fat person, and I thought "I'm not that fat!" But when I actually looked at her pictures, I realized I really am.

I also hate to eat the same thing every day, and I love to cook. I am trying to cook the things I love but eat more vegetables on the side and limit desserts. I gave up soda, except when we go out usually only once a week. I counted calories for a while just to get an idea of what I eat. For me, it is a real challenge to stay below 1900, but I think that is a good place to stay. If you hate exercise, does anything help? Could you do a walking routine inside? Would listening to music motivate you?

I agree with the suggestions of others: hang around here and someday something will click.
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Old 06-20-2006, 09:55 AM   #8
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Great advice here.

What I am saying is, there are different phases. There are the "quick fix" phases where you might stay on a plan for a couple weeks-lose a couple pounds, and fall off the wagon. There is the phase where you lose a good deal of weight, and then gain it back because you stopped after the weight loss and went back to your old lifestyle. There is the phase where you know you are fat and should do something about it, but you just are not at the point yet to do anything...these are all normal and most of us who have ended up being successful have went through all of these.

I would totally agree with that.

One thing I wanted to add is that maybe you're throwing too much at yourself all at once. You're a little all over the place and expecting total change immediately (kind of beating yourself up over it).

For me, it helps to see this as a process of taking care of myself.

Maybe what might help is just to concentrate on one change at a time. If you'd prefer to work on your food plan, cut out soda, say, or cut back. Add veggies and fruits. Look at it as a way to experiment. If you like different tastes, that's even better. You can try fish, lean pork, lean beef, beans, tofu.

If you think it would be easier, start with exercise. If not the gym, then walking, or just adding to the amount of activity you do now -- taking the stairs, parking farther away, whatever you like.

It's been my experience that making small changes is much easier, and usually adds up quickly and snowballs into being able to make bigger and bigger changes.

You don't have to be super diet woman, exercise dynamo right now. Every one has their own pace.
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Old 06-20-2006, 10:35 AM   #9
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Wow you got some great advice. I can't think of a single thing to add.

To sum up:
1. Take things slow. Make changes gradually when you are ready.
2. Eat more than 1200 calories a day.
3. Start something fun for exercise when you are ready.
4. Work on figuring out what is really blocking you.

I think if you take it slow and eat more than you were you will do great. The advice you got was amazing. I really think if you follow it and really listen to these smart women you will achieve your goals.
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Old 06-20-2006, 11:04 AM   #10
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You might take some comfort in the contents of this poll
Attempts Until Success

Most of us have had to try try try again.
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Old 06-20-2006, 11:21 AM   #11
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Quote:
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Wow you got some great advice. I can't think of a single thing to add.
Me either, but I WILL say to her, been there done that, sweetie. I bounced around for years with this diet and that diet and starving myself and all kinds of crazy stuff to get the weight off. But I'd only end up fatter. I've said it before and I'll say it again, dieting played a huge roll in helping me to gain my weight.

For some of us, it's just one of those things that has to come you. The motivation, the willpower, the determination - it has to come from within. Once you find that, you're set
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Old 06-20-2006, 11:49 AM   #12
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I would also like to add something after my earlier post-and it concerns exercise. Yes, a calorie deficit works alone, but health is health-and exercise is important-and just as much as your diet is.

On that note-you don't have to go from doing NOTHING to joining a gym and working out 2 hours a day. Actually-this is exactly how millions of people make their New Years Resolutions and end up completely FAILING by February 1. They go from pizza and Cheetos on the couch to a super strict diet plan and 2 hours a day at the gym-and 2 or 3 weeks later-they QUIT. They simply took on way too much at one time.

Exercise should, in my opinion, start simple if you are a couch potato. If you do nothing, then it is going to be pretty hard to go directly from doing that, to doing 30 minutes, or 1 hour, or more per day. Start small. When I started after my first child was born almost 8 years ago-I started out with a 10 minute ab video that I did 3 days a week (with a day in between for my ab muscles to rest). It was a very small start-but it WAS one, and once I successfully kept up that routine for a few weeks, then I added 10 minutes a day on the days that I didn't do that ab video...I walked for 10 minutes, or rode my exercise bike for 10 minutes. So, a couple months later, I was doing over an hour of exercise a week that I was not doing before-and I hadn't quit yet. Over time I added time each day, and tried new things...

As far as not liking exercise-I don't like to go to the gym either. I absolutely hate "team sports" like softball/volleyball/basketball with an absolute passion...so what good would it do me to sign up for something that I hate? No good at all, because I won't stick with it. I believe that there is an exercise for EVERYBODY. You just have to get out there and try new things now and then.

5 years ago I signed up for a beginning belly dance class-and I fell in love. A year later I joined a student troupe, a year after that a professional performing company. I have been teaching classes myself now for well over a year. I get to exercise, get paid, entertain others and have a blast, and play "dress up" all at the same time-with the same activity.

My father in law runs a clogging/country line dancing/square dancing group-and they perform all over at festivals and have a BLAST.

Exercise does not always have to be running or joining a gym. It can be water aerobics at the local YMCA (which I have heard are super fun!), it can be meeting up with friends to walk together while gossiping a few times a week, or it can be getting a season pass to a local zoo and taking your kid(s) there a couple times a week-family time+ walking all in one!

There are no excuses not to move. The key is to not jump in too fast, and also to branch out and try something new now and then, rather than concentrating on the exercises that you "don't" like.
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Old 06-20-2006, 12:36 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aphil
On that note-you don't have to go from doing NOTHING to joining a gym and working out 2 hours a day. Actually-this is exactly how millions of people make their New Years Resolutions and end up completely FAILING by February 1. They go from pizza and Cheetos on the couch to a super strict diet plan and 2 hours a day at the gym-and 2 or 3 weeks later-they QUIT. They simply took on way too much at one time.
I so so so agree with this point! Last summer when I started taking control of my eating (with portion control for the first month) I didn't try any set exercise -- I just tried to move more. Rather than yelling a quesiton up the stairs to hubby, I walked up to ask him. I tried to add more movement to the daily things I did. That was in July. In September I started trying to add real regular exercise. I started walking on the treadmill. At first, 10 or 15 minutes was enough, a few times a week. Sessions slowly got longer (and more intense). I started building up how many times a week I exercised. Those first few months I was so pleased to fit in about 400 minutes of exercise for the month!

If you look at my sig, you'll see how the minutes have increased. What you don't see there is that I've adding weight training (in January) and now bike riding... I walk so many more places. My dogs are healthier because they get walked more frequently...

Starting small was the best way for me to go -- and BOY have I been able to track changes over time. I am so much more fit than I used to be and view my body's capabilities in different ways! I still don't like to "exercise" most of the time, but walking 15 min to and from lunch is no longer a chore. I hope to find a form of movement I love but that might take some time... I'm okay with that...
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Old 06-20-2006, 12:46 PM   #14
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Mel67 ... I lost the first 30 lbs walking. That's all the exercise I did. It's moving. It's good exercise.
A common phrase you'll see around here is eat less and move more. Like lots of posters have said before me here in this thread ... it don't have to be fancy, it just has to be more than before.
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Old 06-20-2006, 01:25 PM   #15
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I agree with everything that has been said already. I would like to add, however, that you are going to have to tackle the "can't do" attitude of your post. Believe me, I understand. I KNOW how frustrating it is to try and lose weight only to be unsuccessful. But you CAN do it. Like Wyllenn, I can hear my old self in what you have written. You have all but talked yourself into believing that losing losing weight just isn't possible and you've created obstacles to insure that it isn't. Over the long haul, your attitude and how you speak to yourself is going to be just as important as food and exericse. You MUST give yourself permission to succeed even if the idea of failing is terrifies you.

First and foremost, make up your mind that it doesn't matter how long it takes to reach your goal weight. Slow and steady wins the race. Drastic measures do not have to be taken. Brace yourself for a trial and error period until you find what works for YOU and what YOU can live with. Define YOUR goals. Someone losing weight and exercising for the sake of health will have a completley different approach than someone losing weight just to be thinner. But be flexible, what you want is likely to change as you progress.
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