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Old 02-25-2006, 02:47 PM   #1
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Unhappy Wedding Band

I just need a few hugs right now.

My husband made a comment about my finger being too fat to wear my wedding band.

It really really hurt me. I have spent most of the day in tears. I have been trying so hard to lose weight and I'm really insecure about myself too, so comments like this cut like a knife.
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Old 02-25-2006, 02:50 PM   #2
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Your finger is not as fat as his head!!! Moronic things men say number 624 027!!!

Remind him of that comment when you have lost your 67lbs and he has to buy you nice new expensive rings!

He probably didn't mean to be mean, he just didn't think, mine does things like that all the time, and he's still alive, but only just some days!!!
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Old 02-25-2006, 02:55 PM   #3
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Thanks kykaree.

It's true, sometimes guys really stick the old foot in the mouth.

This just broke my heart. His family and friends are always making weight related comments in front of me or to me, and I'm really aggrivated and tired with it. Some unusual and stressful things also happened last weekend... and it's like it all snowballed and this was the last thing I needed to hear.
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Old 02-25-2006, 03:32 PM   #4
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My best comeback ever when someone said something about my weight was:

OK, so I am fat, I can go on a diet....you are stupid, what the **** are you going to do?

Hes just being an insensitive a#@, dont let him get to you, you are doing great! Just consider the source sometimes!!
(((((HUG))))))
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Old 02-25-2006, 03:43 PM   #5
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I agree with the sentiment of Hadenough's post, though maybe my delivery might be different.

Someone: Something insensitive about my weight

Me: I am aware that I am fat. I am currently on a weight loss regime, and have lost X number of pounds. I realize I still weight too much, but I am improving myself.

Someone: Oh...um... okay, um, I didn't mean...

A simple, direct response about being overweight is sometimes the best way to deal with an insensitve remark, I think. And you can be pretty effective at making your point without flat out insulting the other person. Taking the high road, I really, really believe, makes someone a better person inside.
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Old 02-25-2006, 04:06 PM   #6
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Hey AquaChick--Take heart and remember that all men are pond scum. (Sorry, that was a joke growing up my sister and I always shared) Anyways, they really don't think like us females. My husband can cut me down without even knowing that he did it. (A little dense for being an engineer don't ya think!)

ANYWAYS...I see from your tracker that you've had a significant loss. Try to keep your focus and think of how great your doing.
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Old 02-25-2006, 04:18 PM   #7
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Thank you ladies. Thank you so much.

A major problem I've had is that I am still the same person he married. Just bigger.

For some reason when you gain weight there are certain people who quit seeing you for the person you are and always were. They just see a fat person... and they for some reason there are people that think it gives them the right to belittle you. Either directly or indirectly. I have been going through this with his family and friends for quite a while.

His mother never relents. His brothers wife had a baby and she is small like I used to be. She never hesitates to let me know how quickly this woman lost all her baby weight, and she looks so wonderful. I guess I am supposed to excuse myself for being a big lazy fat ***. (of course I'm not, but I know many of you know what I am talking about...) She acts like I'm not good enough for him. It isn't just me either. His other brother is dating a girl and she is not fat she is chunky. She always makes an issue of it. His mother outright told me that this girl was lucky that she was getting a shot with her son!!!!!

One of his friends did it a few weeks ago. His wife is hypoglycemic, so he had to leave a gathering we were at. I said "no problem"... then he gives me this stupid look and says "she's so small you know.... I'm afraid she'll pass out" He really emphasised her "smallness" as he looked at my "gerth".

Those are just a couple of small things I guess, but when it is aimed at you it hurts like crazy. It just starts to add up, you know?

Maybe I'm over reacting. I hope it doesn't matter anymore when I lose the weight. I don't know though. I've said before I'm losing it for me, if I have to be a size 5 just so my husband will quit being an a** along with his family and friends I won't be to good with that. Like I said, I've always been the same person, I don't think I will be able to let a lot of this go too easily.
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Old 02-25-2006, 04:41 PM   #8
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HOW DARE HE?! And his family, too-- they all need swift kicks in the groins. You have already lost 12 pounds; that is incredible! If it ever doesn't seem like much, pick up a really really big cat and realize that you used to carry that around.

When he said that horrible comment, did you call him on it? Did you make him aware that it hurt you? I hope you did, and if not, I hope that with all of your self-improvements you'll get more self esteem and be able to really stand up to these monsters.
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Old 02-25-2006, 04:58 PM   #9
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Maegdaeien, Thank you for noticing my loss. Yes, I have lost a lot in a short amount of time. Unfortunately, it isn't too noticable just yet.


Yes, I did call him on it. Actually I said "What? Could you repeat what you just said please?" and he wouldn't. And from then on out I've been crying intermittently. He has not said sorry either.

I've just had it. I already feel like a blob. Yes I know it is my own undoing, but I sure as heck don't need anyone else making me feel worse. Like I said... it has been a lot of little comments over time that have just snowballed into this massive ice block of insecurities and hurt feelings.

I keep telling myself, maybe I am over reacting to all of these people and I am just really sensitive about it-- and too much so... but how can you not be? I don't think being overweight is something we are proud of or aspire to happen. It just happens over time and before you know it you are looking at the ticker saying, "My God, when did it get this far gone?"

The whole idea of people equating weight with productivity or worthiness is a bunch of crap. I am referring not to all people in society, but there are some people who really feel this way. I know my husband and his family are super awful about this-- and not just towards me either. That other girl coming into the family is in for quite a ride...
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Old 02-25-2006, 05:06 PM   #10
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Oh AquaChick, I can certainly understand what you are going through with the thoughtless comments of other people, but I'm SO glad that my husband has never said anything about my weight. It probably helped that he met me when I was close to my biggest (got bigger being 'settled' with him I suppose) and he now knows me at my lowest adult weight ever. He says he loves me no matter what weight I am and he never understood why I thought my weight might affect his feelings for me. I really don't know what I would do if he had ever made a comment about my weight. It would have cut to the bone. You should only be getting POSITIVE comments from people about your efforts so far. Nothing else!

As far as comments go from other people, well... I'm not sure how long it takes for them to go away. I remember some from YEARS ago. I still go shopping - and I don't look any different from most people anymore - and I am still looking out for the stares and listening for the snickers and rude comments. They don't come, but I am still prepared. Habits take a long time to kick.

Please be so proud of yourself for what you have done so far. Your hubby had better watch out, because you may just give him the boot at some stage for the things he says to you now. I hope he comes to his senses and apologises to you soon.

Perhaps you should spend as little time as possible with his family too. My mother used to talk about diets all the time when we visited or when I called. And I mean EVERY time. It got so tiring. Now, since I've lost most of my excess weight, mum and dad talk about OTHER overweight people and how lazy they are and how out of control they are, etc. Well... that just shows me what they used to think of me. Funny thing is that they are both obese themselves. How can they be so blind? Anyway... getting to my point... I just avoid seeing them now. Is there any way you can simply spend less time with these people? If hubby asks, maybe you just have to be honest. Part of changing and taking control of your life involves NOT spending time with what I call 'poisonous' people. I feel SO much better if I don't see my parents. So I just don't visit and call rarely. Probably not very nice, but I am doing this for ME, so it was necessary.

Sorry this took a while, but it is a topic that is VERY close to my heart. I hate that other people feel they have a right to make comments about people's size or whatever.

I hope that things improve for you soon.

Take care,

Zelma
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Old 02-25-2006, 05:21 PM   #11
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Thank you Zelma. I'm sorry you had to go through this type of thing too, but I'm glad I'm not alone.

Yeah, I have indeed put my foot down on going around them (his family and buddies) for a while. At least a couple of months.

Yes, I agree. He does need to choose his words and attitude more carefully. I have been concerned about this for a while. I am the same person he married, and I don't think all the little digs on my weight will fade from my memory as weight fades from my body.
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Old 02-25-2006, 06:28 PM   #12
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I think he IS being mean, and doing it deliberately. I think his family is the same way. You have become the "identified problem"--or rather, your weight has. Some confrontation may be needed, or they may just keep on doing it. Why would they stop? If they had any sensitivity, they wouldn't say those things to begin with.

I'm sorry about people and the sad and ignorant ways they behave. When I say confrontation, I don't mean you need to behave in an angry way--although certainly that would be genuine. But yeah, I agree with others, you do need to point out that they are saying something very hurtful to you. They are being mean, and you don't have to just take it.

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Old 02-25-2006, 06:46 PM   #13
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JayEll, the most disturbing thing to me is the lack of remorse for saying something about my weight. His family and friends can cram it, but I've been miserable all day because it came from him.

But yeah... it is mean on purpose.
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Old 02-25-2006, 08:59 PM   #14
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Aquachick, my heart goes out to you. How insensitive of him to make that kind of remark. I know how hurtful comments like that can be. Phooey on him for saying that!

Take heart and don't let his boorishness ruin your day any more than it already has. You've lost twelve pounds already and it won't be long before that wedding band will be too big for your finger.

((((hugs))))))

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Old 02-25-2006, 09:14 PM   #15
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Thanks SilverVixen.

I'm feeling a little better now.

You all are so nice, thank you for your responses and comfort. It really helped me.
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