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Old 02-24-2006, 03:12 PM   #1
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Unhappy How To Get Husband to See Reason

Hey All:

My husband thinks I am falling into what he calls an "anorexic mindset." He is therefore insisting that I eat more than I have been eating and has threatened to take apart my exercise machines if I don't eat at least 2100 calories each day.

I am two pounds shy of my goal weight of 130, and I eat approximately 1300-1500 calories a day. I exercise six days a week for an hour to an hour and a half a day. My calorie intake is based on a maintenance intake of approximately 1900 calories a day, which I intend to eat once I have reached my goal.

Can anyone here give me some advice on how to tell my husband that he has nothing to worry about as far as my having an eating disorder and that I am eating a healthy amount and am losing weight extremely slowly and healthfully.

Thanks in advance
~Silvervixen
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Old 02-24-2006, 03:38 PM   #2
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Is he controlling in other areas of your life too? How does he know how many calories you eat? If my dh ever threatened to take apart or away something that was important to me, he would get a swift boot to the backside.
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Old 02-24-2006, 03:42 PM   #3
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I agree with midwife on the boot in the tush. But maybe he just sees how much dedication you have to this and is feeling a little bit jealous. Try showing him some 'extra' attention and I'll bet he calms down.
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Old 02-24-2006, 03:44 PM   #4
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Husbands aren't my favorite subject this week.

Honey, I am not sure of the exact situation - but I would try to be of a cool mind and say look, I have come x far. I am 2 pounds away from my goal, an ideal weight for me. 1 pound of human fat is 3500 calories, so I have to limit the calories, meaning eat less, and workout more to make them go away.

I would make it clear you are educated on what you are doing and that if he takes apart your stuff he is singlehandedly destroying something you were striving for.
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Old 02-24-2006, 03:53 PM   #5
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i would agree with both posters so far. i don't know how much you talk to your dh about your diet, but he would probably nag you less if you talked about it less and in vague terms (excluding calorie counts, specific foods, etc.) as long as you don't talk about it much and don't look all bony, he'll probably lay off. might help to go out for ice cream or something like that with him too (ok i assume, since you're a calorie counter.. no forbidden foods). this would not be to conceal anything, of course.. it would just set him more at ease. my dh was alarmed at certain aspects of my gw and daily calorie goals too at first, and had similar concerns. many people, including a lot of men, don't understand a serious and effective diet -- because most people, including many women, don't diet seriously (or succeed). congrats on your success! hope your dh learns to relax, and love and trust the new, healthy you!
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Old 02-24-2006, 03:55 PM   #6
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Thanks for all the great responses!

He isn't controlling at all. He is just worried about me right now because he thinks I don't eat enough for the activity I do. I want to educate him about what it takes to maintain and lose weight so that he stops worrying that I have or will have an eating disorder.

I am a bit obsessive right now about weight, (being soooo close to my goal )and I talk about it a lot, and that might play a part in his concerns. (Some good advice here about talking less about it with him sounds like a plan!)

Thanks again!

~Silvervixen
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Old 02-24-2006, 03:57 PM   #7
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Maybe you could go to the doctor with him and have the doc explain to him that you are not anorexic.
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Old 02-24-2006, 03:59 PM   #8
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It has to be an obsession, or perhaps passion is a better word. That is how we keep from reverting to the days when we didn't care and got fat. We have to maintain awareness because we know what kind of damage we are capable of.

For people that haven't been on a diet before it probably looks totally nuts. It does take some understanding on their part.

I would give him hard facts about weight loss, and I would also tell him how you felt emotionally and pysically when you were bigger and how you feel now as you come close to your personal success.
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Old 02-24-2006, 04:10 PM   #9
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Two possible routes of approach:

1.) Key points in understanding weight loss are knowing the basics, such as what exactly a calorie is and what "maintainance intake" means etc... Then comes the understanding that 3500 calories = ~1lb of fat and that by keeping your intake lower than your maintainance, you can drop the pounds healthily through caloric defecit. While you're doing that, you can also deepen his education of eating disorders so as to give him some kind of counterpoint. (teach him healthy management, then teach him unhealthy management)

2.) Do like Cad says

Some of us gents like to be informed/taught, others like to not hear about things we don't understand so they're easier to ignore. (then some are on-the-fence and like to know everything just so we know exactly what it is we're ignoring )

From your posts above it sounds like he's concerned, I'd hit him with some learnin, perhaps over that ice-cream mentioned above.
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Old 02-24-2006, 04:22 PM   #10
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Maybe I have a different swing on this...

your dh is scared...that was my first impression. He doesnt want you to go too far with all this. Too far being anorexia.

my second thought was....you're only 2lbs away from goal, offer to up your calories a bit, and educate him on exactly what you are doing. Show him your food diary or fitday so he can see that you are eating, and actually eating quite a bit. I know showing dh my fitday, helps him see what Im doing.

You said he wasnt controlling at all....so Im thinking he's really scared and is doing his best to take care of you. They like to do that

Well, thats my 2 cents anyway...let us know how it goes.
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Old 02-24-2006, 04:37 PM   #11
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I have to say that I agree with Robin. I know for me my husband gets scared that I get too obsessed with the whole dieting thing. I've been with my husband for the past 15 years and he has seen the diet world simply control me. I agree that if you educate him he might back off a little.
Congradulations on you weight lose accomplishment and Good Luck with the last 2 pounds.
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Old 02-24-2006, 04:44 PM   #12
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yes- bf always is like... dont starve yourself! isnt that a bit extreme! lol they just worry about us.

they only thing i have a problem with is him setting your cal # or taking apart your excercise machine. thats YOUR decision!

tell him you appreciate the concern BUT you will decide whats best for you thank you very much!
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Old 02-24-2006, 04:54 PM   #13
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I agree with Robin, & I'm not too far from agreeing with your husband, actually. You are two pounds off your goal weight. You're exercising 60 - 90 minutes a day, & I'm guessing it's pretty heavy exercise. And yet you're eating no more than 1500 a day? That is pretty low for your weight & activity level. I think "anorexic mindset" is a bit alarmist, but he's the one with you every day, so he's in a position to know if you're getting obsessive.
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Old 02-24-2006, 05:00 PM   #14
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I'd just agree with him, thank him for his concern and tell him you'll modify what you eat. And then do what you want. Back off from the 'diet talk' so he does too and live your life. You know what feels good and what you need for fuel, you don't have to explain your body to anyone else and tyou don't have to justify yourself. Live your healthiest life and that's YOU not a prescribed formula from the media or diet world or what someone else thinks. You've put together a weight loss plan that's working and soon you'll be working on a maintainance plan. Work it out and be happy.
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Goal 2:165 lbs-Toss out 'fat clothes' - Dec 26
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Old 02-24-2006, 05:15 PM   #15
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I think your exercise, calories, and goal (unless you are tall or very young) are reasonable. With only two pounds to goal, maybe it's time to start upping your calories and practice maintaining skills. A lot of folks have a hard time transitioning out of the losing phase into maintenance and find that they keep losing past their goal because they are afraid to start adding more food or cut back on the cardio. (I have to admit, that was never a problem that I faced, but others have posted about it! )

I know that when I was in my initial losing phase and whenever I've really tightened up my nutrition after a gain, I get very obsessive. I will avoid social situations that I'm not wild about and use the food temptation as an excuse. Turns out (almost five years later) my husband was very upset about that and it worried him and put a damper on his life, too. Maybe you are doing something like that and he's interpreting your behavior as anorexic? I've since learned how to manage my behavior in social situations involving food rather than avoiding them. The same goes for constantly talking about weight loss, food eaten, not eaten, exercise, etc.

Congratulations on being sooooo close! Come join us at the Maintainers Forum. Your journey has only begun

Mel
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