I spent 5 years miserable at 192 lbs without losing any significant amount of weight. I daydreamed about losing weight - fantasized about being thin like some people fantasize about winning the lottery. I obsessively read every diet book and weight loss scheme. I made half-hearted efforts to lose weight which generally amounted to a day of wild excitement/crazy plans of how I was going to only eat THIS THIS and THIS and how I was going to keep a food journal and work out EVERY DAY. These attempts would last 2-3 days before I just gave up and reverted to apathetic daydreaming.
I'm really not sure what changed to allow me to be successful. I did have a "click" moment - I went to sit down in a movie theatre bathroom and cut the outside of my thigh on a sharp-edged metal trash receptacle. My thigh bled and I cried, thinking that I had reached a point where I was "too fat" for a normal bathroom. In my head, all I could think of was a sad future of seatbelt extenders in airplanes and shopping in Lane Bryant for the rest of my life.
I had that feeling of "I must change something" when I read this book called Superfoods Rx: 14 Foods that Will Change Your Life http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006...Fencoding=UTF8
. I picked it up at a Borders (I was always obsessed with diet/weight loss books, especially successful "after" stories like in Shape magazine) and flipped through it. I don't know how to describe it - it was like grabbing an electric fence.
Everything became very clear. How/why my previous unsuccessful weight loss attempts had been doomed to failure, what it would take to lose weight and keep it off. It was a transcendent moment of epiphany and my life changed forever on that day - I started that day and I haven't stopped, thought about stppping, longed for my old, self-destructive eating habits ever again.
What I did ended up being so beautifully simple - I quit eating foods that weren't good for me and started eating foods that were good for me. I try to exercise. That's it. So simple.
So, I talked too much, I wish I could bottle the feeling and give it to anyone that struggled like I struggled for so long. I wish I could go back to the 20 year old me, who thought I was "fat" (a little heavy, but definitely NOT fat) and prevent 15 years of yo-yo dieting, restriction and feelings of worthlessness and defeat.
Your post strikes a real chord with me, since I lived that same unhappiness for so long. I really do wish you the best of luck in your weight loss journey.