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Old 02-10-2006, 10:21 PM   #1
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Question Do you ever wonder....

to yourself, when you are sitting there looking at your ticker, and you have been making changes, and working out, and wanting so badly to be smaller than you are...

Why did I do this to myself? Why did I get so out of control?

I don't neccesarily mean in the sense that cutie clothes don't fit, but the whole package. The aspect of health, the self image issues that have so many of us with a low self esteem- and ironically enough has had us running to food for comfort.

It's like I sat here and since I decided to get serious and break this cycle, I can't believe I ever let myself get so out of shape and uncomfortable in my own flesh. And unhealthy to boot.
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Old 02-10-2006, 10:42 PM   #2
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Yeah. I think about that all the time. Because when I was in my 20's, I worked out regulary. I couldn't even go to sleep at night until I'd had my workout. I used to wander around in skin-tight mini dresses. And tight jeans. And I used to use bandanas as shirts. Yes, that's right, bandanas. I could take a bandana and fold it into a "V" and tie it around myself. That was my top.

Where, how and why I let myself go is a mystery to me to this day. Especially when I think back about what my attitude used to be. Like I said, I couldn't even sleep at night until I got my workout in for the day. The next thing I knew I was 220 pounds. I didn't even see it happening.
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Old 02-10-2006, 11:13 PM   #3
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I think about it a lot as I had previously gotten down to 130 (so close to goal!) and then let myself get all the way back up to 154, only 4 lbs within my starting weight. It took me over 6 months to lose all that weight and now I feel like I'll spend another 6 months just trying to catch up with where I was. It was so easy to let slip my weight and get up there, twice now. I think maybe in this point in history we forget to treat ourselves, and pay attention to our physical needs. We are pretty good at over-treating our emotions (or at least, thinking about it even if we don't really take the time for it) and hopefully getting ourselves in better physical condition (as a society) will follow as well.
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Old 02-10-2006, 11:14 PM   #4
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I feel like you. I used to be very small when I got married. I was in my early twenties at the time, I gained the weight fast.I worked in a casino and my job required me to wear a skimpy revealing uniform. Within 5 years I have just... ballooned.

I had a real "moment" over here the other night. It was on the do you not feel fat thread. At first I was emphatically thinkg, why yes, I have always been aware of my weight gain... but in fact this is a denial. I knew I grew, but it hasn't been until this week when I cracked the whip that I started to reveal things to myself for the first time. It's like I've had this issue crammed in a closet and couldn't face how it has affected my life.


I have really looked deep into how I see myself and how others see me. Especially my husband. It is really sad. It really makes me want to break free from this weight to please us both, but I am beginning to wonder... when I do, what will his attitude towards me be? I don't think I will appreciate special attention that I get skinny that I didn't get when I was overweight. I would be insulted. For example, he is very unaffectionate. I believe in my heart it is because he is not attracted to me anymore. He was really affectionate when I was a smaller size. Plus he says he is so afraid I will find someone else when I lose this weight. What makes him think I couldn't do that now? Because skinny does not equal beauty. I am the same woman on the inside, but admittingly with more frustration because I am sorry I have let myself go. It makes me angry.At him, but at me too because I allowed myself to gain so much weight somewhere along the line... but I thought love was unconditional. If I have to be a size 5 to be shown affection, I think there will be a problem. Of course it hasn't happened yet, so I don't know for sure. I am just guessing as to why things have changed, and in my mind the weight is why.
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Old 02-11-2006, 12:08 PM   #5
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AQUACHICK-
You know sometimes after being married for sometime, you just get stuck in a rut. Dealing with all that life has to offer and sometimes the romantic side of our boyfriends leave and then they turn into husbands!! You know I went through this saying you must not love me anymore you are not showing me like you used to! Just the little things they used to do. My husband and I have been married for 7 years w/ 2 kids, so sometimes we just get busy, but we do try to make a little time for ourselves aswell!
You know I felt the same way about the being bigger issue, he didnt find me attractive. I also felt he didnt want me to lose weight, he would always want to mess up my diets tempting me with our favorite foods!
So you know we are still doing good after we talked about it, you know he tried a little more here and there, but we just arent dating anymore!!
Now he's gained and trying to lose with me!!!
So it could just be something like this!
Hope this help you a little,
Amy
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Old 02-11-2006, 12:48 PM   #6
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I never really had to think about that. I have always been overweight, and I didn't DO anything about it, and that's how I ballooned up to 350 pounds! I didn't care about life, or anyone about 3 years ago...didn't care about ANYTHING, including myself. I have since had a wakeup call, and am starting to get this weight off!
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Old 02-11-2006, 12:50 PM   #7
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Maybe that's it Amy.

I know it is easy to let the mind go on and on when you feel unhappy with yourself... you know, the whole idea that "maybe he doesn't like me anymore because he isn't attracted to me." But, you might be on to the right idea. I have three kids, have had 4 surgeries since our marriage, two of them left really big scars accross my belly. It wears on your self esteem to have this many changes, but it feels better to think it is marriage, and this is normal "wear and tear".

Thank you Amy, you are probably right.
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Old 02-11-2006, 01:00 PM   #8
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I felt that way when I started losing weight. Now I think, "I'll never let it happen again."
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Old 02-11-2006, 01:03 PM   #9
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AQUA- Good luck to you!
Yeah, maybe just let him know what your feeling! I had to share since I have felt the same in the past!
Amy
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Old 02-11-2006, 01:06 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kayleystar
I never really had to think about that. I have always been overweight, and I didn't DO anything about it, and that's how I ballooned up to 350 pounds! I didn't care about life, or anyone about 3 years ago...didn't care about ANYTHING, including myself. I have since had a wakeup call, and am starting to get this weight off!

You are having some great results with your weight loss!
Keep it up and You have to already be feeling better!
You have to be strong and have the willpower to be losing this weight.
I wish I had lost this much weight! What plan are you following?
Good luck to you!
Amy
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Old 02-11-2006, 02:42 PM   #11
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Thank you josie4, AmyC and kaleystar. I feel a lot better after hearing from all of you. I appreciate your advice and words of experience.
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Old 02-11-2006, 02:51 PM   #12
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Absolutely! Last year at about this time I was 119 lbs for a couple of days. If I had eaten right and exercised instead of what I did do (oi) ... I'd be awesome looking right now and strong and ..... sigh ...
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Old 02-11-2006, 02:58 PM   #13
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Oh... I wish I was 119 pounds!!!! Where's the magic lamp when you need it?


lol... there's only one way, and no genie can fix it. I ate my way into making my ticker look like that, so now I have to do what it takes to bring the ticker back down.
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Old 02-11-2006, 06:01 PM   #14
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I didn't "let" it happen. It just happened. Slowly, over years of time. A little heavier, then a little heavier still. A desk job did not help.

But I was actively exercising during those years. I can't tell you how many aerobics classes, martial arts classes, gym memberships, bicycle rides, jogs around the track, etc. etc. I did through those years. A little heavier... then a little heavier still...

So along the way, my metabolism changed. That's all I can figure. But my eating habits did not. I realize now that I can't "eat normally"--whatever that is. I can't figure it out. I ate like everyone else, it seemed, but everyone else isn't my size. Some are, but not all. In my late 20s, I weighed 130. Now, 30 years later, I'm around 180. Highest weight was 198.

So now I'm trying to learn and understand how I can eat, and how I can exercise, and mostly how I can get up enough gumption to keep on keeping on until I get the weight off.

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Old 02-11-2006, 06:23 PM   #15
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Congratulations to you JayEll on learning that the perfect programme for you is verrrry verrrry individual. We can go on and on about the statistics, averages, theories .... 8 minutes of this and 20-40 minutes of that ... But when push comes to shove .... You have to learn the unique fine-tuning of your machine.
You are miles ahead of the game since you already know that.
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