[todaystheday]

Ok have been dieting for about 6 months now. I have always lost weight and never gained a pound I lost. I started at 450 and now I am 380 and today he descides to tell me he is embarrised by me.

I don't know what to do. I am lost The person who I thought loved me no matter what just kicked me in the teeth. I don't know where else to turn with this. I am going to go cry for a while now. This is just so hard.

[Zapphire]

What?!With all the weight you have lost? I'm sorry.I've never been married but it must feel like the worst thing in the world.Hugs to you.

[Wisertime]

I'm so sorry for what your husband said. That was incredibly hurtful and insensitive.

But you have lost 70 pounds in 6 months!! 70 POUNDS! Does he realize this? You are obviously dedicated to losing weight and you are well on your way. I know this sounds easier said than done but don't let this be a setback for you. Whatever you are doing is working - keep doing it.

Lynn

[BellaLumina]

Oh wow! Ouch! How incredibly painful! You have accomplished so much and you should be super proud of yourself!

If I were in your shoes I would talk to him about how hurtful that comment was and how it seems like if anyone should be supportive, it should be him!
If he is making that comment at this point in the game, it seems like there might be other stuff going on. Perhaps a counselor might be able to help work through these issues if that is within the realm of the possible for you.

Just keep in mind that you have done wonderfully well! You have lost a significant amount of weight and you have every right to feel proud of yourself! Don't let anyone bring you down!

[famograham]

Well, unfortunately I know EXACTLY how you feel.
I can't offer advice, but I can share my own experience.
I normally post on the 100 pound club...a most wonderful place, but your post caught my eye tonight.

Almost three years ago, my husband told me that he had a hard time being sexually attracted to me...and that he just couldn't "take it" anymore. I was somewhere around 230 lbs. at that time.
I went into our bedroom and screamed into my pillow ...he'd ripped my heart out.
Strange thing is..I had begun losing weight at that time too..

I cried for weeks...I was destroyed. I promptly lost 40 pounds in three months..out of sheer terror of losing him. The night that he uttered those words changed our marriage forver...I told him I was leaving in a fit of rage and sadness.
I never left, but things between us have never been the same.

He couldn't understand why I was hurt by his "use" of the computer for sexual purposes after he told me those things. My self esteem was lower than ever...he just couldn't see why that would hurt me as it had nothing to do with me...hah.

I have had a GREAT deal of therapy since then. I gained all that weight back (it can't be done out of fear, or for someone else, I found!) and have recently started my weight-loss journey again. I've lost 25 pounds since April 19th and am very proud of myself. I'm 205 today and going down.

Through that therapy, I learned to love myself again. I've realized that I am extremely worthy of being loved and that there are men out there in this world who would love me just as I am. I told my husband over a year ago, that he was free to leave if he could not love me for who and what I am...and agree to certain boundaries on my part.

I'm not sure what he feels these days, but he never left and has followed those boundaries as far as I know.

I am much more reserved with my feelings these days when it comes to my marriage.
I'm not an open book about my emotions and I doubt everything he says now.
Of course he's apologized a million times for uttering those fateful words...but it's just not something you can EVER take back or erase. I felt just the same as you..."How can I love myself, or think I'm beautiful, if the one person in the world who is supposed to love me the most..doesn't?" I felt like every nice thing he EVER said to me was a lie.

The good news is that my choice to lose this weight this time has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with him, or his opinion of me....this is for ME, and me only.
My husband is now a wildland firefighter..and away for long periods of time. I have learned that I am very good at..and comfortable with being a single Mom...running this house and our lives without my husband. I do miss him..he's worked hard at changing things for us. BUT, I now know that I don't need him to take care of me and the kids..I can do that on my own if need be, AND be happy..not miserable

I think this may be the reason he decided to stay in the first place..less pressure on him to be my knight in shining armor. He has failed there..I now know he is mortal..and flawed. I also think he senses my newfound confidence, and is either attracted to it..or afraid that I might actually leave him...LOL.

All I know is, once I stopped relying on him to fulfill me and learned to love myself..things have been much better for me. I can't claim to know what's going to happen to our marriage in the future...but the one thing I do know is that I'll be just fine, regardless of what happens. And I really don't care one way or the other what he thinks of me physically...if he's not happy..he knows where the door is, and I'd rather he use it that ever tell me something like that again!

I truly know how you feel...your post hit me right in the gut.
You'll get through this, hang in there...you've done an awesome job..do this for YOU, not for him...and you'll be OK.
(((((HUGS)))))
Linda

[colsnanny]

I am so sorry to hear that.
Just try and forget him, remember you are doing this for yourself not him.
I wish I could come over and slap him for you.
I hope to hear that you are still working hard.
I also agree that maybe you need to talk to a professional with your husband.
Have you ever thought maybe he's jealous of your success??? Maybe the attention you are getting?
I have found that my mom and sister have tried to sabotage my weight loss because they are both bigger and have not been successful.
I hope you feel better soon.
Please keep us all updated.
xoxo

[midwife]

Yowsers! I agree that it is interesting that he mentions it now, when you have been doing so amazing! I won't even pretend to know what goes through men's minds...

I just wanted to say congratulations on your fantastic accomplishments up to now, and best of luck to keep on truckin' (even through this!). I think you must be a very strong and amazing person.



jen

[gray eyed girl]

I am SO sorry. A comment like that is hurtful enough when it doesn't come from someone you love. I am so sorry that he said that to you.

You really have done an awesome job so far. 70 pounds is AMAZING. Please keep going, you're doing so well. As much as it hurts, don't let his comment set you back. You are doing an amazing job with your weight loss and you should be proud of it whether he is or not.

[BBWonwheels]

WOW! I'm sorry but what is his problem? You suppose to be your wife backbone not a hater! Girl don't let what he said get to you. You are doing a good job. If he don't like it tell him to get the heck out and thats the bottom line. OOOO he better be glad im not you, he will be getting him clothes and stuff out of trees, trash and the street. How dare he! I want my boyfriend to tell me some stuff like that...........ill be calling 911 and tell them they might want to come arrest me because im finna kick my boyfriend butt...

[Meldiggety]

Keep doing what you are doing to be the best you can be, regardless of what your husband says. However, I would mention to him that it does no good for him to make you feel miserable about yourself, especially when you are working so hard at it! Ask him if he wants you to gain all the weight you've lost back....if he says "no", then say "well, you'd better be supportive of me and my weight loss goals - you better be cheering me on instead of tearing me down"!

Bottom line is this...........you have a ton of people here supporting you, and your husband, who's committed his life to you, should be even more supportive than all of us combined. He needs to know that. And you need to know how much your worth whether or not he is being selfish in what he says.

Big Hugs,
Melanie

[MorticiaAddams]

Tell him to go reread his wedding vows then when he wants to grow up and act like a husband and be supportive then he can come talk to you.
Otherwise tell him to get the papers and you will take half of everything and maybe a little more why stick around now. All he had to do was be a supportive husband and help you thru your trials. Thats life thats a marriage you cant pick and choose your good days and bad days.

[boiaby]

Men can be such pigs! Frankly, I don't know why we even bother with them sometimes. There's a quote that I read recently that seems applicable here, "If he cares what you look like when you're intimate, he shouldn't be intimate with you in the first place." You've gotten some good, sound advice here. Kudos to famograham for not being willing to take that s**t anymore, you go girl! Just remember, you are worth so much more than that! You have to do this for you and no one else, so go ahead and prove to yourself that you are stronger than you ever thought possible. And to all those who work to bring you down? I say screw em, who needs em anyway?!

Beverly

[srmb60]

Men don't think. I'm sorry if that's a generalization but I've found it to be true. They just don't think. I'm sure when you told your husband that he'd really hurt your feelings he was quite surprised. He probably figured that you are embarassed by your size and he is too, so .....?
There's two ways this can go. Either he is an a$$hole, as has been demonstrated above, or he's a good guy who just doesn't know nuthin' bout nice talkin'.
Talk it out. Keep in mind that a lot of ordinary fellas can't pretty up the words they say. Be careful what you ask because he might just answer. I seriously hope you come to a happy agreement.

[Dinahgirl]

I believe that men are terrified of change. They want everything to stay exactly the way it is, day after day, week after week, year after year.

Another difference between them and us is that we work on ourselves. We take care of our bodies, our hair, our clothes. We diet, we exercise. When we're in a funk or a depression, we're more likely to seek help.

So, when they see us doing work and changing for the better, they get really scared. They're afraid that the next change we make will be about THEM.

I quit smoking last winter, started exercising, and began eating in a healthy way, and my husband just can't take it. I've told him none of this has to do with him and I've invited him to join me, but to him, change is bad.

So what can we do? Keep doing what we're doing. Feel bad for them. But keep working on our own stuff.

Dinah

[DawsonCreekGirl]

I can only imagine how this comment must have ripped your heart out! But you are doing awesome. Keep up the good work and do this for YOU!! Make him eat his words!! I lost 87 pounds in 8 months and my now EX was stunned to say the least! YOU GO GIRL!!!!