I have been going on nice long walks lately as part of my exercise. Two of the three walks I've had since I started this last week, someone has made some remark to me. Okay, I realize I weigh 300lbs, I'm an easy target. But , people! One guy asked me while I was sitting on a rock on a hiking path (after walking 2 miles on a treacherous path, mind you) if I was "having fun." I said I was having a great time. He said, "Yeah, right, just keep trying to convince me of that." I whipped around and said, "Well I think after two miles on this path every hiker knows is a hard one, I don't need to convince you of s**t." He looked at me funny and walked on. UGH. Then today while hiking another trail, I had someone look at me and say, "Don't worry, you've only got another two miles of this trail left. Hope you can make it!" And then laughed. Let me just say that I did not appear at all like I was struggling or anything. Because well, I wasn't struggling (until I had an asthma attack but that was much further down the trail). What, because I'm fat I automatically am not going to be able to anything? I suppose if it was up to these people, I'd be bedridden and placed out of society permanently.
I've also had total strangers ask me why I'm so fat. I've had people who I was having perfectly innocent conversations with about my professional field ask how it is that someone can work in the medical profession and still be fat. As I was searching for a response, they even went on to ask me if I even "bother" to eat better and exercise!!! I was about to punch that little but my name was called, as it was my turn AT THE SALON! Yes, a simple Fantastic Sams appointment brought about this stimulating dialogue.
I've had punk teenage boys yell "Fat ***!" and "fat *****!" to me more times than I can count.
I don't get it. I don't even LOOK at people anymore and give them the chance to speak to me. I don't make small talk anymore because i'm afraid it'll just lead to another insult. When someone attempts to chat me up in a line somewhere, I ignore them. I hate to be a ***** like that, but I'm completely defensive after putting up with years of crappy remarks.
I hate how being this size in this society makes me feel and the kind of person it turns me into. I don't want to be withdrawn, antisocial, and bitter towards people. It's not me... not the me that's buried under 300lbs of fat anyway.
Now I just feel like not even going out to walk again. Another side of me, who has a very " YOU! I'LL SHOW YOU! type of attitude wants to do them more, get this weight off me, and not have to live with the abuse anymore. On any given day, either one has a 50/50 chance of being my attitude.
Now that I have vented to you poor people, can anyone relate?