Frightened to lose weight

[Smilla]

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[kykaree]

You've just told my story, except that my mother waited til I was 14 to stick me on Weight Watchers.

I'm 33 now, and something just clicked in my head late 2004, and I decided it just had to be done. I have gone it alone, for many of the reasons you state in your post. I hate weigh ins, I hate being judged by the scale, and I don't like being told what to eat.

My parents are in Australia and I have moved to England, and that's helped - drastic I know!!! But for the first time I feel like I can deal with my weight issues without the old family pressure.

If you haven't already read it, Dr Phil's Weight Loss Solution with the keys to weight loss, is very good and deals with some of those issues you have talked about.

You can break out of your bad habits, and stop being that p****ed off kid inside, you need to be your own parent and set your own rules.

Good luck!

[princess197113]

I totally agree w/Kykaree. It sounds to me that you are silently screaming to your family that you want to be accepted and loved at the weight you are now. Not that you don't want to lose it and get healthy. But you are probably rebelling against them. I don't blame you. But remember that your are actually hurting yourself. Although, you may think about confronting them and asking them to not bring up your loss or weight period. Insight is always the first step to getting better! Good luck!

[OBsMama]

Are you staying fat just for them?You know that is crazy.

If you feel uncomfortable about disclosing that you are losing weight, lie. When they ask you say no. Keep them guessing. Don't feel beholden to anyones approval or disapproval.

It sound like your relationship with your family as far as your weightloss is concerned is fairly toxic. I suggest keeping your space and distance until you have accomplished some goals. That way when you do see them you are armed with your success and things they say will just bounce right off of you.

When it comes to serious weightloss in a predominantly obeses family, misery loves company. Alot of the time they don't like to see you succeed because they are reminded of their failures.

Good luck,
Amanda

[futuresurferchick]

I struggle with the same fear of losing weight. I think that it is especially common among those of us who have been overweight since childhood, because our identities have been strongly influenced by being overweight, and it has dictated how people treat us and it has influenced the opportunities we have had. Sometimes I worry that my friends won't like me if I'm thin, or my family, or whatever. I know what you mean about hating comments... sometimes I don't like it when people notice.
Anyway, I have decided to proceed despite the fear. Only you can make that decision, to let the fear not hold you back.

[Smilla]

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[kykaree]

Sounds like you are making a good start. The easiest part of losing weight is eating less and moving more, the hardest bit is dealing with all the head stuff (many of us on here call it the "inner fat chick")

It's your inner fat chick who tells you you will never do this, that no matter what weight you are you will never be good enough, you will never lose enough to make your family proud of you..........yada yada yada

My mother especially always made me feel like a fat freak. And you know what, this year, she said to me "you know I love you no matter how much you weigh" - which was lovely, but kinda 20 years too late!!!

it's been really hard learning to love myself, and learning that I deserve to eat healthily, I deserve to have fun at the gym, and I deserve my weight loss. I have had so much help along the way, and you will too. Keep reaching out. If you want a buddy, I'm here!!!

[DaisyBug08004]

You know - at some point we have to just decide that WE make the decisions here! I mean - who is the boss here right? YOU are Sweetie - you are. Not your father or your mother or your cousin or your brother's best friend's sister... only you. It is all you.

There is only one simple question for you: ARe you happy and content where you are right now - today? If your answer is no then decide what you must change - and get 'er done!

And let me assure you - it is scary as ****. For several reasons: First like it or not - it is your identity. And let me tell you - when you run from the Fat Girl - you have quite a race on your hands. She is brutal. SHe will laugh at you when you start to feel successful. SHe will do everything in her power to make you stop - Don't you listen to her. You tell that wench to go lay down by her dish - she's fired. BTW - she is pretty lazy. So if you decide to go for a walk - she likely won't want to come along... LOL...

As you lose weight you may feel like you are disapearing - which you are - but not in any real way - just in the amount of space you are occupying. It is scary - but know this: it will be okay. you seriously can not disapear altogether. DOn't worry about it.

The one thing that was and IS the hardest for me was changing my relationship with food. Once I decided that I would no longer use food as medicine or a drug of any kind - I learned the hard way that I had to feel things. Big things, little things. ANd when you don't have food to cushion that - Holy [email protected]#! It is intense and terrifying. And raw. The good news is that the more you do it - the better you get at it.

The best news of all is that you have options for help and support. I have always found that message boards are a wonderful outlet for support because they still afford you a certain amount of annonimity. You have everyone here for you - but you don't have to have the stress of being "out there" with everyone...

Bottom line: This is all about you. AND it is all up to you. With a little help from your friends... You can do anything. Try. And don't quit.

[emerald dragonfly]

You know, I used to think that way. I would wonder " If I lost all my weight, what do I have to look forward too everyday?" Silly, but true. Losing weight is scary but exciting! I look forward to losing my last 5 pounds!!

Stay strong!

emerald dragonfly