You know - at some point we have to just decide that WE make the decisions here! I mean - who is the boss here right? YOU are Sweetie - you are. Not your father or your mother or your cousin or your brother's best friend's sister... only you. It is all you.
There is only one simple question for you: ARe you happy and content where you are right now - today? If your answer is no then decide what you must change - and get 'er done!
And let me assure you - it is scary as ****. For several reasons: First like it or not - it is your identity. And let me tell you - when you run from the Fat Girl - you have quite a race on your hands. She is brutal. SHe will laugh at you when you start to feel successful. SHe will do everything in her power to make you stop - Don't you listen to her. You tell that wench to go lay down by her dish - she's fired. BTW - she is pretty lazy. So if you decide to go for a walk - she likely won't want to come along... LOL...
As you lose weight you may feel like you are disapearing - which you are - but not in any real way - just in the amount of space you are occupying. It is scary - but know this: it will be okay. you seriously can not disapear altogether. DOn't worry about it.
The one thing that was and IS the hardest for me was changing my relationship with food. Once I decided that I would no longer use food as medicine or a drug of any kind - I learned the hard way that I had to feel things. Big things, little things. ANd when you don't have food to cushion that - Holy
[email protected]#! It is intense and terrifying. And raw. The good news is that the more you do it - the better you get at it.
The best news of all is that you have options for help and support. I have always found that message boards are a wonderful outlet for support because they still afford you a certain amount of annonimity. You have everyone here for you - but you don't have to have the stress of being "out there" with everyone...
Bottom line: This is all about you. AND it is all up to you. With a little help from your friends... You can do anything. Try. And don't quit.