First, I'm sorry you had such a cruddy day yesterday
. And second, I can definitely relate to resorting to food when things get tough. I have a LONG history of doing that -- going all the way back to seventh grade when I went home everyday feeling really depressed and made myself 2 bagels with loads of butter and garlic. That was everyday for a YEAR. And the habit continued into college. Fight with my boyfriend? Eat a bag of Doritos. When I was a teacher...hideous day at work? Order a whole large pepperoni pizza and eat it myself in about 10 minutes flat.
I've found that breaking my EMOTIONAL bond with food has been the absolute toughest thing (even tougher than getting on the evil elliptical 3 days a week). I find that when I'm depressed, sad, lonely, or tired, the urge to eat bucket-loads of horrendous foods is worse.
It happened to me last night, actually (must have been the full moon because we BOTH felt that way
). But the strangest thing was that I wasn't depressed/lonely/tired...I think I was just BORED. I was sitting on the couch watching a movie thinking, "I wanna eat something." But I wasn't hungry!
And yet I ate, the whole time thinking, "What am I DOING?" It started with baby carrots and then spiralled into about five 100 Calorie packs of Cheez-Its. NOT good.
I'm babbling now...but the point is that I can relate. The emotional "need" to eat for me is sometimes absolutely overpowering. I've won the battle more often than not by talking myself out of it...but I still have what I consider binges from time to time. And honestly, I think it's just sheer WILL that we need to cling to. It is SO hard. Sometimes you'll give in, sometimes you won't; but hopefully the times you win will begin to be more frequent.
As for what you ate yesterday, it's over. Done. Forget it even happened. If you start beating yourself up about it, you'll get discouraged. And being discouraged is a very dangerous place to be when you're fighting the war on food.
Good luck -- you can do this, Emily!