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another attempt to sabotage myself.

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Old 12-08-2005, 02:05 AM   #1
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Exclamation another attempt to sabotage myself.

Maybe I need someone to make me realize how stupid my thougths are. I have now lost a total of 82 pounds, with 25 more to go. Recently, I guess I want to talk myself out of dieting and go back to the comfort zone of eating what I desire. It has not happenned though. I try to fight listening to these crazy thoughts. No, I'm not schizophrenic, but I guess it's part of having been on a diet for so long and seeing that success is near. It's the fear of living in a new body I worked so hard for. Your replies will benefit me and may benefit others who could have these same depressing thoughts:
Recently I've been thinking why I want to lose weight. Why do I want to please myself? Why do I want a better health? Why do I want a higher self-esteem, a higher quality of life, and be more attractive? Why not stay in that same body that has brought me suffering? After all, I'm used to all this things. Why not live in misery? Why would I want a better social life? Why would I want more attention? Why be happy? Why the desire to no longer hear fat jokes? Why would I want to avoid diabetes, hypertension, heart attacks if eventually they may show up later in life nevertheless? Why not be part of those 2/3 of obese Americans? Why be thin? Why not comform to the way life is? Why wanting to be the best one can be? Why maximizing the chances to be loved by someone else? Why enjoy life? Why do I deserve this? Why do I want what's best for myself? Who even cares? Why do I even care? I'm going to die anyways. - I'm just too crazy and naive.

These are mind-boggling questions that I have tried battling not to have, but from time to time they pop up, but not have managed to derail me. I don't want them to have an impact on my plans, but then again the mind is quite powerful. Any responses?

Last edited by Psychego : 12-08-2005 at 02:14 AM.
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Old 12-08-2005, 04:24 AM   #2
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I think if you read that back you'll see your own answers. The big question in all that is 'why do I deserve this?' My question to you is...considering you've worked SO hard and done so much why don't you? What's so wrong with you?

Hopefully you'll see the answer is..nothing..and that you deserve to live a long, happy and healthy life. Don't give up now, you DO deserve this.

Also, what's holding you back here is fear of what you will become and what reactions you will get. You're gonna be no different..just thinner! Don't let fear beat you.

Claire x
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Old 12-08-2005, 05:10 AM   #3
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Your subject line says it all.
We do this to ourselves. I know where your coming from and those thoughts as well. They are normal and they happen.
So your just fine. But really try to remember where you came from and what you have went thru to get where your at.
I was sitting at a heart attack waiting to happen. I was sitting at feeling like my body was the most horrible thing I ever saw and felt. I was sitting at hating what I looked like. I was feeling like I didnt exist. I was feeling like I didnt desearve love,kindness or the comfort of man in my life to love me back.
Of course none of that is true but we can convince ourselves because we let it happen. We let ourselves start to believe those thoughts.
The only thing I can say is that fight the thoughts and tell yourself your worth more than what you have neen thinking. The only person in the world who can hurt us the most is ourselves.
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Old 12-08-2005, 08:09 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Psychego
Recently I've been thinking why I want to lose weight. Why do I want to please myself? Why do I want a better health? Why do I want a higher self-esteem, a higher quality of life, and be more attractive? Why not stay in that same body that has brought me suffering? After all, I'm used to all this things. Why not live in misery? Why would I want a better social life? Why would I want more attention? Why be happy? Why the desire to no longer hear fat jokes? Why would I want to avoid diabetes, hypertension, heart attacks if eventually they may show up later in life nevertheless? Why not be part of those 2/3 of obese Americans? Why be thin? Why not comform to the way life is? Why wanting to be the best one can be? Why maximizing the chances to be loved by someone else? Why enjoy life? Why do I deserve this? Why do I want what's best for myself? Who even cares? Why do I even care? I'm going to die anyways. - I'm just too crazy and naive.
Only you can answers these questions. Because only your own answers will be the ones that make sense to you. And the ones that will mean something.

We've all had these thoughts, you're not alone. I too have sat back and thought to myself, "Oh poo on this! I'm just gonna go back to the way I was before!"

But then I think hard about the way I was before. I remember how hard it was not even enjoying going out in public because I didn't want people to look at me. And how I used to have to sit on the 'sidelines' somewhere while my son was playing because I was too fat to get down there and roll around with him. And how I used to have to use nearby furniture as crutches just to pull myself up off the floor. And the fat clothes I had to float around in. And hating even having to look at myself in the mirror in the morning. The self-consciousness, that was the worst of all.

Then I begin thinking about NOW. And how I feel about myself. That I can toss on a pair of jeans and bounce out the door and feel confident that people aren't looking at me thinking what a big fat blob I am. I can now roll around with my son without becoming winded. I can sit on the floor Indian style and jump right back up WITHOUT having to use nearby furniture to help me. I feel better. I look better. My blood pressure is down. My cholesterol is down. And you know what? The most important thing is how I feel about myself. Not how everyone else feels about me. But how *I* feel about me. I feel good about myself for the first time in YEARS. And there's only one person that can take that away from me.

Me.

There's also only one person that can continue to give myself the gift of self-confidence.

Me.

Same with you. Only you can give that to yourself and only you can take it back away. It's your choice. But I'll tell you something, sweetie, I've learned one thing if nothing else - food is NOT worth hating yourself over.

No food, no matter how good it is, is worth that.

Think about that
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Old 12-08-2005, 09:06 AM   #5
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I know all about sabotage. I think I may have invented it. I think one of the main things though is re-training your thinking. As overweight people we've trained our thoughts with all those negative things like you mentioned. Feeling like we don't deserve things or that we're not worthy. But see, you aren't that person anymore and along with losing the weight, you have to change the way you think which means replacing that negative thoughts with positive ones. Even if you have to right them down and stick them on your bathroom mirror or on a wall. Look at the list everyday, repeat it out loud and soon those thoughts will permeate your brain and the negative ones will become fewer and fewer. Oh, those bad boys will still try to pop up from time to time, but now you'll have positive thoughts all lined up to combat them and take them suckers down.
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Old 12-08-2005, 12:25 PM   #6
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It boils down to this: Change -- even positive change -- is hard. Human beings as a whole resist change, period.

The only way to get over it is to do it anyway, recognzing that your new reality will eventually become more comfortable. You can help it along by reminding yourself not of the work you've done, but the benefits. You can also take a long hard look at how you lived as a fat person -- not only the issues related to your size, but what a dark place being addicted to unhealthy living is.

You've come out of the dark into the light. Right now the dark still seems more comfortable, the light is blinding. But once your eyes adjust, you'll not want to go back. You just have to give yourself time to adjust.
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Old 12-08-2005, 02:04 PM   #7
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82 pounds is a lot to lose and it didn't happen overnight. But, it may well have happened faster than you could mentally and emotionally accept such a tremendous change. Plus, maybe you are just a little burned out by the whole process. Have you considered taking a maintainece break? Maybe a month or so of eating healthily and living well but without the intention of losing weight. Perhaps it would give you an opprotunity to appreciate how far you've come. In addition, it would give you a little time off from the stress that comes with the expectiations and hopes of having lost weight each week.

Maintainence breaks aren't for everyone. But, there is nothing wrong with taking a little time to evaluate your progress, formulate a new plan for the last few pounds and, as funniegrrl described it, let your eyes adjust. Of course, that doesn't mean going back to your old lifestyle and eating everything and anything you want. It means living exactly as you are now only with a few more calories a day and not worrying whether or not number on the scale got any smaller.

I've taken a couple a long the way and they really helped my outlook. They gave me the perspective I needed to reach my goal.
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Old 12-08-2005, 02:09 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Psychego
:I have now lost a total of 82 pounds, with 25 more to go.
First off... WOW! Congrats on losing the 82 pounds. That's VERY GOOD.

Second, other people here have givin you great advice.

Depression is a VERY common side-effect of weight loss. We try to talk ourselves out of it, because it is annoying and usually quite slow. I know. I went from 210 pounds to 174 and then I let myself go back to my normal eating habits. I am currently up to 195 - 200 pounds again!

I allowed these thoughts to get to me and destroy what I had worked so hard to do. I have since learned several tricks to banish negative thoughts.

One very simple one is... When you are having these thoughts, call a friend or family member and just talk to them about their day, and what's new in both of your lives. Try to make sure that they are somewhat positive people though. By the time you are done with the conversation, those thoughts should have gone away.

I also like the idea that was mentioned about writing down positive statements and putting them on your mirror That works!

The trick is to distract your mind.

Hang in there and you will notice that these thoughts slowly get less and less.

P.S. Hello all! I'm new here and just wanted to add my thoughts.
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Old 12-08-2005, 02:11 PM   #9
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Since she is already having problems, I don't know that taking a break is a good idea - that break may not end. Perhaps sitting down with paper and pen and answering your questions in writing might help you get it into perspective. Everyone deserves to be healthy and look their best. Being fat is not a punishment, it is a result of bad choices along the way.
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Old 12-08-2005, 09:43 PM   #10
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Thanks to everybody for replying. Losing weight really spurts a mental battle. I will continue and not let anything derail me. A break is always good, but I don't know if it is a good idea for me because as someone else said, it may never end. I may not have the same drive I do now if I stop for a while. But anything for being thin. Everybody..I wish you success.
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