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Old 11-28-2005, 06:47 PM   #1
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Unhappy Lets get real here.

I've been trying to pretend I'm 329.0 I haven't been that since I started starving myself (gastric bypass diet without the surgery. Don't talk about it. I want to forget it.) I "accidently" forgot I don't do diets anymore. They lead to heartache.
Anyway, I just weighed myself and my real weight is 338. I'll take it. It's not in the 20s anymore, but its still not 340.0.

As for the rest of my life. I have a lot to be depressed about. Mainly I don't have a kitchen, period. There is no fridge, no counter top, no table, no stove, no microwave. You get the idea. I'm trying to stay upbeat. Hey at least I got my tree up right? At least I haven't thrown up any water I've drank today. There is no date for the kitchen to be even remotely fixed so until then we have to run upstairs and eat. I'm not happy. The is no insulation. Porter has gotten sick from the breeze in our living room. The furnace almost blew the house up along with my son and I. Its now replaced and it only cost me 500.00...It shouldn't have passed inspection. We have a fireplace but it needs to be clean. Everything has been maxed out so for Christmas I have 3.00 to my name. (Please don't think this is a shot for pitty or money. It's not. I'm purely venting.) On an up side Porter's first Christmas tree is up and is prettier then I had hoped. This is my (own) first tree as well. I decided to go red and gold.
For lunch I had 4 pieces of pizza and 7 white chocolate chip cookies *Mother's* brand. It was good, but I knew it was bad. I don't even have a freaking can opener.
Okay I'm going now. There is laundry to do, decorations to finish, bottles to wash and tears that need to be shed.
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Ashley, proud mommy.
100 pounds to lose.
I'm scared to fail and succeed
start wt: 347
Crnt wt: 336
ST goals: 333
LT Goal: 299

Each represents a 5lb loss


Small goal, 5 pounds.
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Old 11-28-2005, 06:55 PM   #2
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Ashley,

It seems like you could really use one.

What is it about things right now??? It seems like nearly everyone is having a hard time this year, kind of like Murphy's Law has gone overboard or something.
Vent all you want, I'm here to "listen". PM me if you'd like, It may make you feel a little better just to get things off your chest

I'm sending good vibes your way and another
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Old 11-28-2005, 07:12 PM   #3
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awwww... I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time right now. I know it doesn't seem like it now but it'll get better. Just keep looking at the smiling face on your son - that's what it's all about. You can also PM me if you need an extra shoulder, we're all here for each other!
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Old 11-28-2005, 08:57 PM   #4
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I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. Just keep thinking... things WILL get better! I promise!! PsycoPhat is right though... we are all here for eachother. Just think of the good things in life.. like your son, and focus on staying healthy. I've been there.. it is rough.. Best of luck and you are in my thoughts and prayers!! PM me if you need an extra shoulder... I am a good listener!! Keep Smilin'
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----------------------------------------------------
*When you cry be sure to dry your eyes
'Cause better days are sure to come
And when you smile be sure to smile wide
And don't let them know that they have won
And when you walk, walk with pride
Don't show the hurt inside
Because the pain will soon be gone
And when you dream, dream big*
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Old 11-28-2005, 09:02 PM   #5
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I really don't know what to say, except that I'm here if you ever need me. I don't post all that much, but I'm here. If you want some advice, thoughts, or opinions, PM me, I don't judge, I promise. Otherwise, I'm glad to see that Porter has someone so caring in his life hug:
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Old 11-29-2005, 05:59 PM   #6
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Thanks guys. Today is better. Not in the eating dept, but my mood is slowly coming back up. Tomorrow is my evaluation to get back on meds (for my panic disorder and OCD) Everyone is thrilled about it.

Looks like there is a date for the fridge...before 12/25. I know, I want to roll my eyes too, but at least I know when I WILL have it.
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Ashley, proud mommy.
100 pounds to lose.
I'm scared to fail and succeed
start wt: 347
Crnt wt: 336
ST goals: 333
LT Goal: 299

Each represents a 5lb loss


Small goal, 5 pounds.
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Old 11-29-2005, 08:14 PM   #7
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First of all, congrats on your weight already lost, that's wonderful

But I want to say one thing here - we need food for nourishment. And to keep us alive. That's a given. But when food gets in our way and literally destroys our lives, it's not worth it. No food is worth that.

Yep, I love to eat. And I personally don't want to lose that desire and that 'relationship' I have with food. I've just learned to control the food instead of letting the food control me. Huge difference there. Do I love food? Sure I do. But I like being thin and healthy even more.

Don't let it control your life.
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Old 11-30-2005, 04:04 AM   #8
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Things are so tight around here to that if I sneezed I would blow the doors off. These are those times we really need to focus on ourselves and we dont.
Theres a lot of things you have on your plate and you need to figure out.
Will they get taken care of. and eventully they all do. So just try and not let them get to you. And at times we all have been thru these moments where things just felt like they were all crashing in on us.
I know I kind of feel like that this year to.
You know and we all know diets dont work.
A more healthy life style is what we need to be working on.
You have to change things now for you and for your family.
You are a wonderful person whom I like to see around here posting and letting us know how much closer your getting to a more healthy you.
Love yourself as much as you love everyone else.
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Old 11-30-2005, 07:26 AM   #9
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A moving target is always hard to hit, but it's much easier when you keep the bullseye in sight. You're doing a terrific job! One thing I try to keep in mind during my everyday life (dieting aside) is that I can't do it all. If I can accomplish one thing that is important than I have moved a step ahead, which is better than moving backwards. And if I am unable to make progress because of things out of my control it doesn't mean I have failed...I may be standing in the same spot as yesterday but at least it's not all the way back at the beginning.
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Old 11-30-2005, 03:29 PM   #10
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Talking

Hun, im so proud of you. You've lost so much weight already. What an accompishment! Ok, here comes the advice. Want to know somethin, i too suffer from panic attacks and ocd. Get back on meds that is why your so down. You have a chemical embalance,you cant fix it on your own. Next, i want you to give this a try. Next time you post here, instead of ranting the bad things that are happening in your life, brag and i mean really brag about the great things. Even if its a tiny thing. After you have typed your message read it out loud to yourself. Because your listing all the great things in your life, your focused on the positives. Try talking about your beautiful baby son. You are sure to get happy. Another trick. If you have space on a closet door(when you get a fridge you can put it there) take sticky notes, and on each write one thing that is so absolutely great about your life. If you want you can post them around your house. Remember take life one day at a time. I know you can succeed and be the person you want to be. I am here for you, i feel your pain. LOL corny i know. But i do really understand!
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