3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > Weight Loss Support

Weight Loss Support Give and get support here!

Does any else get annoyed by comments?

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 11-28-2005, 05:43 PM   #1
Senior Member
 
icedragon6669's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 417

Default Does any else get annoyed by comments?

I am a little frustrated today, it is starting to happen and I feel annoyed, which wants to make me throw in the towel!
I like getting compliments! that is nice, but i am starting to get snidy remarks, and they make me soooo mad!

for instance, my best friends neighbour whom i pass 2-3 times a day keep saying to me yesterday "don't lose any more weight" she said it 2-3 times each time i saw her!. I know she is not being mean, but geez enough already.
Then i went to pick my DD from a friends and the mother started in on it "oh god you've lost more weight... blah blah, I am trying to lose, i want to lose.... but i need to see a gastrologist.... blah blah"
They weren't negative, but the intent behind them gets to me! I get tired of hearing it from EVERYONE! these are not too bad, but it is the start and usually i can only put up with it for a week or 2, until i give up and say i cannot handle it anymore!
My SIL will start saying... she needs to start excercising , running, dieting...
Then my MIL will say, how the **** can i lose weight.. she has tried... this and that....
Then the mothers at school start on.... WOW you look good! (but you know that behind your back they are probably saying... gee how long till she gains it back)
They are not blatent out right mean, but after hearing it 2-3 times every day it wears me out, if I want to lose weight and be "normal" i should be able to without everybody butting their noses in and commenting. Everyone seems to know everything about me and my weight! Can't they say stuff like "gee you look good" and leave it at that, no they have to start on how, why, where, when!!!!!!!


Ok I am getting close to my goal, but I want my BMI to be 24.9 or less (i just want to get in the normal range) but everyone starts on my case even when I start getting close to it?

My mother is coming up on Sunday ! (and i need to brace myself for it) she thinks at 200 pounds I am looking too skinny!!!!!!! at 190 she thinks i am anorexic! I don't know how to cope with it all the time!

Everytime i get here i get so angry at people i just start grabbing at the food again!

Anyone have this!!!!!!!!
__________________


HW - 286!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (somewhere over 130kg as thats as high as the scale i had went. )
175.5 - 18/4/2011... LAST 10 POUNDS
GW - 172 (78k)
icedragon6669 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2005, 06:23 PM   #2
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 1,123

Default

Yeah, it seems to be a common phenomenon. There are all kinds of reasons for it, some positive some negative. I just stopped trying to figure out WHY they were doing it, 'cause it doesn't matter. I went through a period where I was REALLY annoyed or even uncomfortable, but as time as gone on I've learned to just let it roll off my back.
funniegrrl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2005, 10:32 PM   #3
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,343

Default

I learned to roll with it. I found it helped to give people the benefit of the doubt. There is no question that there will be people who make sugar coated insults out of jealousy but they are few and far between. Most people are just astounded by what you have accomplished (everyone knows how hard it is to lose weight, even people who just need to shed 10 pounds). I am sure they are making an honest effort to compliment you even if their words lack tact. As for people like your mom, well, I am sure she has your best interests at heart. Moms will always be moms, after all.

The flip side of all of this is that people will eventually stop commenting on your weight. And you will meet new people who have no idea you were ever heavy to begin with. For me, that was just a bothersome. What always annoyed me about people's recaction to my weight loss was that it practically took over who I was. Part of the reason I began losing was that I didn't want my weight to define me anymore. Then, all of a sudden, it was ALL people defined me by (or so it seemed). I've been hanging around 135 for a while now and the "new" has worn off and I only get comments from people who haven't seen me in a while. I've got to say that I miss them a little bit. All that fuss about not wanting to be defined by my weight and, as it turns out, it really is a big part of who I am. In hindsight, I wish I had relished all of those compliments (even the misguided ones) a little more while they lasted!
__________________
Lucky

lucky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2005, 10:36 PM   #4
Senior Member
 
Universityprincess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Oregon
Posts: 253

Default

I havent experinced this yet, but my mother has. In total she has lost 150 lbs over the years and now she is working on it some more and she'll get comments from SOME people telling her not to lose anymore. I think it's jealousy and/or fear. Fear that you will become something different...maybe more outgoing...possibly competition to them in dating...
__________________
Mini goal #1: Get into non stretch size 20 jeans

Mini goal #2: Get back into prom dress

Mini goal #3: Fit a normal size 18

[B]Ultimate Goal:[/b]



I can do this! Why? Because with God, all things are possible!
Universityprincess is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2005, 10:47 PM   #5
Senior Member
 
Jewelz76's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 181

Default

I also get those remarks. Just the other day I was told I looked anorexic and if I lost any more weight I was going to look very unhealthy. Go figure? Course it hurts my feelings.. but, I honestly believe what my dad said to me. People are forgetting what a healthy weight was 30-40 years ago.

__________________
Highest weight ~ 230 lbs
Starting weight ~ 190 lbs
Calorie Intake ~ 1400
Current weight
~ 138 lbs
Goal weight - 128lbs
5'3"


Jewelz76 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2005, 11:21 PM   #6
Member
 
Gitterdone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 55

Default

I actually thought that this was written with the comments from here as the intention....and I was going to agree.

Sometimes, I feel that I don't get recognized or responses from some people who's goals are more challenging than mine. It gets frusterating, I have the same problem as some of you!....I can't lose weight! And for some of you, you have lost more weight in one month vs what I have lost in one year! Props to that!!!!!!!! I just don't want to be discriminated against because my goal is shorter, because its just as hard for me to "get going" as the rest of you. My goal may be shorter, but I don't look at it as being any easier. I
__________________
Goal Weight


Short Term Goal:


A little dance for every 5lbs lost!
Gitterdone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2005, 11:42 PM   #7
Doing what it takes!
 
RocksAnn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Clemmons, North Carolina
Posts: 13

Exclamation

I really don't give a _____ what others think. I'm losing this weight for me and me only!

I've heard that I'll never lose enough weight to look that good. Well.....I say, "I may be ugly on the outside but, you are ugly on the inside and the outside!!"
__________________

Judy
Age: 41
Height: 5'9"

Healthy weight: 135-162 lbs.
Healthy range!!!!
RocksAnn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2005, 12:05 PM   #8
geeky pagan chick
 
Tani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Western Washington
Posts: 882

S/C/G: 265/136/150

Default

I had a really irritating weight loss related "compliment" yesterday. A guy came up to me and said "You look like you went back on your diet" Argh. Maybe it's just me, but I found this really irritating. I just smiled politely, though and mumbled something about having added more exercise to my daily routine.

I try to understand that the masses don't understand what a four letter loaded word (heh) diet is. This poor guy doesn't know that "dieting" is what made my weight spiral up in the first place.

But then I took back my benefit of the doubt, as he started to tell me how he's been trying so hard to get his adult daughter to lose weight. How he knows she's a big girl and will never "be a ballerina" but that she really needs to lose a few pounds. Arrrrrghhhhhh Through gritted teeth I suggested that perhaps worrying about someone eles weight wasn't the most productive use of his time.
__________________
HW:265
Original Goal:150 met 9/05
Currently maintaining 135-140

before and after
Tani is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2005, 12:25 PM   #9
Miles
 
blues4miles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Southern California
Posts: 676

S/C/G: 176/168/135

Height: 5'4"

Default

Icedragon I know what you mean. I think the hardest for me, is that it is some degree of jealousy. This has been okay for me coming from some people, but from others I can't stand it. In the case of those who wish that they too could drop down to my weight, then they tell me I should stop losing, I think to myself that if they were my weight they'd want to take off a few more lbs too. So yes it's frustrating when you consider that if they were losing weight, they'd be just as ambitious. Then the others who I can't take it from are those who are skinnier than me. Like a coworker of mine who weighs about 110 lbs and was complaining that if she went back on the bc pill she might gain 5 or 10 lbs, or that when she decides to have kids she might 'balloon up to 135 lbs.' I just had to laugh at her. Her telling me I shouldn't worry so much about losing anymore, but what must all these people really be thinking? I think the worst of it is, it's not a compliment that makes you feel good about yourself or good about what you've done, they always make me feel worse in the end.
__________________
Miles
Christmas Mini-Goal:


"What would you try if you knew you couldn't fail?"
blues4miles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2005, 12:33 PM   #10
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Bell
Posts: 45

Default

Icedragon,

You are not alone in thinking of giving up. I have thought about it, but have never given up my diet. I'm a male and I even get jealous remarks form women. Especially older women who I think care for my health and think that I'm not eating enough. It's even tougher for a guy to deal with this because you hardly see a guy slimming down so much, and so they try to stop you. Comments do hurt or affect you even when they are not said with bad intentions. My negativity tries to find a way to see the underlying message of that something someone said. I even start thinking that maybe people (mostly women) who compliment me start talking sh*$ once I exit the breakroom.
However, you have to start thinking that you are doing this for you and you only. This is my second time at losing weight and so I know that the comments tend to diminish. As another postee said, you start missing them. I have even been told I look anorexic when I'm 30 to 35 pounds overweight.
As I lose more weight, the comments are a bit harsher too. But all you have to focus on is how people will treat you once you reach your goal. You will meet people who will see you thin and never would have imagined that you had lost weight.
It's hard to keep the momentum, but at this point, it's too late to turn back now. Don't give up. I'm very weakminded, but I will not let that derail me. I have goals and dreams as an "anorexic" looking male, but I will not allow anyone to hinder them. It's your body and your life and only you have control of it. Good luck!
Psychego is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2005, 01:04 PM   #11
Junior Member
 
Brania's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: TEXAS
Posts: 5

S/C/G: 250/230/140

Default

It never ceases to amaze me what some people feel they have a right to comment on. I am disabled and I am in severe pain. I let that play a major factor in gaining the majority of the weight I've put on. Well I'm fighting back and trying to lose the weight so I can become healthier and in turn hopefully my pain will lessen in the process. I was at a major function that required a substantial amount of walking and stairs of which I am unable to do. I have a power chair for such events. Riding in a crowded elevator a women looked down at me and asked in a very rude tone-"Well, What are YOU recovering from?" The elevator grew quiet as everyone waited for my answer. I was in shock. I stuttered out an answer. I am so mad at myself. I can never think of a quick comeback. I've thought of a million since then. I am so tired of people trying to make me fell less or undeserving. My family does this so I do recognize it. This has bugged me. People, even strangers that don't even know you get some sort of perverse pleasure in embarassing or debasing you using the guise of concern when they are being down right nosey or rude. There is a meaness in their character. It is meant to hurt, don't let it fool you.
__________________
For EVERY 5 POUNDS LOST I GET & WANT AN ENCORE :

Brania is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2005, 02:41 PM   #12
Senior Member
 
Tealeaf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,206

Default

I've gotten nothing but what appear to be genuine compliments to my face. What goes on behind my back, of course, I don't know about. But even though I do like being told how good I look now, there is a nagging sense about it. I'm still a good 60 to 70 pounds overweight. I still look fat. If I look "good" now, how in the world were these people seeing me before? It's not a good feeling, at all.

I can only echo what others have said in this thread. You are losing for yourself, not for the benefit of others. It doesn't really matter what they say or do, you're still responsible for yourself. If you go on a binge because you are mad at others, you will only be hurting your own efforts, while rewarding theirs to shoot you down.

I did not change my whole life to make other jealous. If they become so, that is their choice.
__________________
I'm Tealeaf, and I approve of this message.





My weight loss site, with blog, before and after pics, recipes, tips, charts, and stuff. Annie Takes Off
Tealeaf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2005, 09:48 PM   #13
Senior Member
 
icedragon6669's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 417

Default

Thanks everyone.

I know i cannot take it to heart! but sometimes it does eat away at me mentally!
i said to my best friend that her neighbour s**ts me! and she laughed and said "by god you look good!, don't let that crone get to you!"
And i did have a guy admit to having a perv, when i stopped to face him! (he was about to lock up his shop but waited to see if i was going in! when i didn't he said oh well , it was worth the wait, to have a perv!) that i take as a compliment.

Jawsmum. YES! it does feel like it is all about my weight , not who i am! I was sick of being just the "fat" person, that was all i was, now i am just the one who lost lots of weight. One day i hope to be just ME!
I realise once i maintain a lower weight for a while, it will all go away, and i am waiting for that day! I just need to think up some wise crack replies! instead of hanging my head and just saying "yes, sure"

I know about naturally skinny people complaining about 5-10 pounds as well! one neighbour of mine was whinging her 10 year old jeans(size 8) were a little tight! I felt like running up to my cupboard and pulling out my size 24 and saying "maybe these will fit then!" LOL

Gitterdone - i think anyone here making an effort to a healthier life is amazing, some people do lose weight easily without too much extra work, just like some people are naturally skinny, no matter what they eat! some struggle at losing 1 pound at a time. I guarantee after i get to my goal this is a forum i need to stay with! sometimes you can forget the struggle, and start turning to old comfortable ways, and the reminder that this is for life! Not just a "diet" but a whole change of habits, and change of emotions, this is something that i need to keep with. I cheer everyone on! i think just by being on 3FC means that you are postive about making some changes.

On Monday i just felt like sticking a sign on my forehead, saying YES i have lost weight, and i plan to lose a little more... SO WHAT!!!!!!! GET OVER IT!

Brania that is horrible! I am glad you are still postive, i am sure you can suceed! Maybe if some of these other people had some disability they will see that it is not just an excuse. And comments like that are what would lead me to a full plate of food! it is a big vicious circle. I find it hard when my kids (9 and 6 ) sometimes ask me "why has that man only got one leg?" right in front of him. But i try to be honest and not rude!I say maybe he had a car accident, maybe he was born with a disability, but look it doesn't stop him going out and doing the things he wants to do! isn't that great. Sometimes people are that narrow minded they need to debase someone else to make themselves feel better!

Good luck everyone!
__________________


HW - 286!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (somewhere over 130kg as thats as high as the scale i had went. )
175.5 - 18/4/2011... LAST 10 POUNDS
GW - 172 (78k)
icedragon6669 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-30-2005, 01:36 PM   #14
Senior Member
 
Tealeaf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,206

Default

I know it can be a little annoying for those of us who have had to deal with being significantly overweight to hear from our friends who are much closer to a healthier weight complain about gaining 5 or 10 pounds. Still, I don't think that they are doing anything wrong. If someone is gaining weight and are unhappy about where they are at, they are unhappy with their weight, period. It doesn't matter if were talking 10 pounds or 110 pounds. Gaining weight is hard on the ego regardless of the size you started at or are at now, really.

I know this isn't the main focus of this thread, but I do sense a bit of the feeling of "Oh how rude of you to talk to me about your weight unless you are fat as me!" going on. And really, I think that's a bit oversensitive and misplaced.
__________________
I'm Tealeaf, and I approve of this message.





My weight loss site, with blog, before and after pics, recipes, tips, charts, and stuff. Annie Takes Off
Tealeaf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-30-2005, 03:22 PM   #15
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,343

Default

I just wanted to tack another thought onto what Tealeaf said.

I agree that those of us who have struggled with our weight (myself included) tend to be oversensitive to other people's comments. In my opinion, a big part of the problem is that we can't know exactly HOW other people see us and so we often assume that they are coming from an "she is/was too fat" attitude. For example, it used to drive me CRAZY when my sister (whose "fat" clothes are an 8) would complain about needing to lose 5 pounds and then say that I looked fine. It wasn't until I opened up to her about my weight, including telling her what my starting weight was, that I realized she had been being sincere. She honest to goodness did not see me as fat. She recognized that I was overweight but since she looked at me as a person and not a size or shape it never really occured to her that her comments might have seemed insensitive to me.

Even people who aren't close friends or family didn't see me as fat as I was. Sometimes it takes losing weight for people to realize how heavy we were to begin with . That often leads to a "shocked" reaction when we see someone for the first time in a while. I have a friend who had her teeth whitened. There was a HUGE difference - but I never noticed that they were discolored in the first place. So, I am sure my reaction to her smile was much like what some of us are getting because of our weight loss. And, I can assure you, that none of the compliments I paid her were intended as anything but just that, compliments.

On top of that, it is also impossible to know how these people see themselves. I have not been overweight all of my life. But, for as long as I can remember I have struggled with my weight. At 115 pounds I felt as fat as when I was 214. Being fat isn't just a number on the scale - it is a mentality. So, I think we have to be careful when interpreting what people have to say about our weight loss, especially if that person is what we consider thin.

All in all, I honestly believe that other people don't put nearly as much stock into our weight as we think they do. So, it is important that we not put too much stock into what they have to say about it. It is much easier to maintain a positive attitude about our weight loss if we assume those who notice it and comment have good intentions.

Finally, I will say this. I am nearing my goal weight - I'm not where I want to be yet but I can pass for fit and trim (with my clothes on anyway!). I still have plenty of friends who are obese and, like it or not, the dynamic between us has changed. It has been a real eye-opener to experience life on this side of the scale. There is no secret club of thin people who are constantly judging our weights. More often than not we are judging ourselves and, therefore, assume that everyone else is too.
__________________
Lucky

lucky is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:24 AM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2