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Old 11-16-2005, 06:13 PM   #1
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Unhappy Help me I need support I feel like dying

Hi my name is amy
I am 14 going to be 15 next week but i need help!!!!
you may think oo shes just another teenager unhappy with herself but thats true but not. i am 15 and 180 something pounds i am depreesssed and sick with myself i need help. i need support. i wanna lose 50 lbs or more. i am soo unhealthy and i am killing myself inside. i have a journal where i write bad things about my self and how much i cant stand me and how ugly i think i am and im literally killing myself. i dont have an eating disorder never have and never will but i cant stand it it sickens me when i see myself in the mirror i cant be happy i cant even buy the jeans like everyone else beacuse dont dont fit me and i cant take it and i need a buddy to talk to and be kind and supportive. i cant talk to my best friend shes 105 lbs and wouldnt understand, if anyone can suggest a diet or help me in sugesting excersices i would be in love. all i want is to be a normal teenager and be happy but i cant right now. all i want is someone to hug me and tell me im beautiful everyday.

i wanna be a fashion desinger and go to school in europe but a fat girl has no chance you need to be in shape and atracctive. i have a very pretty face and brownish red long hair its just my body is so disgusting.
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Old 11-16-2005, 06:48 PM   #2
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Amy-
I read your post and my heart goes out to you. I'm 27 now but I was also heavier when I was a teenager as were many of the ladies here. We all know how it feels. Please don't despair. There are lots of people here to support you. Believe me it is hard for most everyone here. You are not alone. Do you have any family support? My best friend now who was also my best friend at your age is also very thin. Your best friend may not understand but maybe she could at least listen and support you. Please don't write or say bad things about yourself, you don't deserve that. Make a list of all your good qualities and start saying nice things to yourself. If your anything like I was when I was a teenager you probably watch T.V. and listen to music etc. Please don't compare yourself to those people. It's not real life. I think there is a forum here where teens post with each other too. But you are welcome anywhere here. You might want to try weight watchers if you are looking for a program. A lot of people really like it. Also walking is great for you physically and mentally. Please be kind to yourself. You are not ugly or a bad person if you are overweight. You can still be a fashion designer if your overweight also. Who says you have to design for a skinny-minny? There are lots of average and overweight people who need fashionable clothing.
Please don't give up. We are all works in progress. Keep posting we will help you any way we can.
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Old 11-16-2005, 07:02 PM   #3
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I completely agree with rdhdgrl1.

I was overweight when I was your age as well and had the same kinds of thoughts/feelings as you have now. I also kept a journal where I said a lot of awful things about myself, so I know where you are coming from.

If you have the money to do it, you may want to go with weight watchers, you can eat whatever you want and it's nice to have a way to stay accountable (the weekly weigh ins). If you don't, I'd suggest to start counting calories and incorporate exercise into your daily routine. I currently eat about 1200 calories a day and try to do a 45min to an hour of cardio, 5 times a week (I usually do it on the elliptical, but you could even just start taking walks). If you start watching your food and incorporate exercise in, you will start losing. You don't have to feel like this, being overweight does not mean being unhappy. It also may be wise to see if you can talk with a therapist to talk about some of the issues that you have with your body. I have found it very helpful to have someone to talk to about what you're going through. You're not alone in this. There are so many people that can help you with everything you have going on. If you need anything, just ask, and I'll try to help you as best I can.
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Old 11-16-2005, 07:07 PM   #4
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Let me be the first (well actually the 4th by now) to give you a big and tell you that you are spectacular. I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I remember what it is like being in high school and being overweight. I felt the exact same way as you do and even now have to fight those feelings. People are always telling you to be positive, it's only what's inside that counts, but those people really have no idea how painful it is. I wish more people could understand what it's like to be overweight as a young woman. Fat takes all the fun out of dating, shopping for clothes, just trying to fit in.

But let me tell you it does get better. College was a relief from high school. People are more open minded and you get to break out of your shell. But while you're still in high school it might help you to channel your energy into things that you're good at. Get involved in social service clubs, or volunteering. Helping other people will help you will feel good about yourself

As for dieting I really recommend Weight Watchers. They have a great healthy organized eating plan, and an awesome support group where you can vent about what's on your mind. Also if there is none in your area, there is an online program at reduced cost.

Sweetie I also beg you to talk to someone about the dark thoughts your having. If you can't talk to your parents or friends, try telling a teacher you trust. Don't be embarrassed about asking for help, we all need support at some time. You don't have to deal with this on your own.
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Old 11-16-2005, 07:16 PM   #5
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I'm 23 now, but when I was 15, I weighed over 200 pounds. I know how hard it can be, but you've got to realize that your body isn't the center of the universe. It seems like it's so important right now, but I promise it isn't as big a deal as you think. At least you're trying to do something to improve yourself now instead of waiting until you're completely out of control--coming here was an awesome first step. As others have said, just try to incorporate some sort of exercise into your daily life. You don't have to kill yourself in the gym for hours on end--just go out walking, do a workout video at home, join a community sport...anything to get yourself moving a bit. You also don't have to starve yourself. I know it's hard because at this point, you probably have no control over most of your food (parents cooking meals, school lunch, quick breakfasts, etc.), but maybe when you eat out, order veggies instead of fries, grab fruit for snacks instead of junk food, andm aybe even carry around something easy in your backpack or purse (like a protein bar, apple, even a peanut butter sandwich on whole-grain bread) for those times when you have no healthy choices around.

BTW, I have seen some pretty hideous-looking designers--that's why they are the designers and not the models I'm sure you'll do fabulously in the fashion industry no matter what size you are!
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Old 11-16-2005, 07:27 PM   #6
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I've been there. I went on my first diet at age 13 I joined weight watchers and managed to go from 170 to 145. If you can join weight watchers, I think an organized plan could help.

Try not to let your weight get you down. You should be enjoying your teenaged years, don't kill yourself with worry about your weight. I hid inside myself in high school (180lbs) and never dated and have always regreted that. Girls heavier then me dated all the time. The difference was how we saw ourselves. Those heavier popular girls saw their personal strengths, and didn't focus on their physical flaws. College was so much better because I finally loved me for me, no matter what my weight (185-205lbs).

Remember that you are wonderful just the way you are, and be yourself so that others see that too.
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Old 11-16-2005, 07:53 PM   #7
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When I was 15, I weighed 155 lbs, but when I was 13, I weighted 225 lbs, and when I was 18, I weighed 250 lbs, and now I am 368 lbs, and trying to lose weight desperately because of health problems.

At every size, I was a wonderful, intelligent person, and so are you, exactly as you are. I'm not trying you to discourage you from losing weight, but right now that isn't your biggest concern, your self-esteem is. Eat healthier, because a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent young woman diserves the very best for her attractive body.

Sometimes when we don't quite fit society's current standard, we find we have fewer friends and dates than the popular people, but you don't need quantity, you need quality.


In some centuries, it would be your friend who would be pining for the perfect body like yours. Don't let what is popular now convince you that you aren't absolutely
amazing! When you have pride in how fabulous you are, others will see it.

Spend some time checking out plus-size models (most are about your weight), checking out classic paintings like thouse by Rubens, and reading some size acceptance books like Emme's autobiography (the first plus-size super model).

You don't have to be satisfied with your weight, to love yourself. You don't have to hate yourself or your body for not living up to your dreams for yourself.

By society's standards, I am supposed to hate myself, and my body. But, you know what? I don't, and never did. Sure, some people treated me like crap, and most people ignored me, but a few people have been my great friends and teachers. My husband is a big guy too (though I've dated thin guys who thought I was pretty amazing too) and we are trying to get healthy, but except for health problems our lives are pretty amazing. If other people don't realize that we're smart, funny, capable, and damn sexy, that's their problem.

Not to lecture, but choose the path you want your life to take, and go for it. And love yourself every minute of it. Easier said than done? Of course, but I know you can do it. And here is a perfect place to start, with alot of friends of all ages/sizes on the same journey.

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Old 11-16-2005, 08:02 PM   #8
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wow my eyes are watering seeing how all of these strangers care there are great pepole in the world. i try to excersice but i have a busy scheduale and im not going to give up on my dreams cause of my image i just wanna be happy im stuck in this teenage depression. yeah i want to boyfriend but i feel like no one would wanna be with me cause im too ugly and there guy friends would laugh and thats why im soo down to on my self. i live in florida and hate the beach vccause of the way i look in a swim suit and i just hate the sand. im taking classes online so i can graduate earlier and be done with the B.S. of high school and work for a year then i want to go to paris and italy fashion schools with my best friend ( the thin one ) shes going to pursue modeling she tells me i should do plus size modeling but i woulnt. i dont photograph well and i dont have enough confidence to carry myself. i just want this horror of teenage years to be over. i want to be happy and not be killing myself over this and its hard but i need to make a change more than anything. your right no one can imagaine how hard it is to be me or a teen in my postion. i just wish someone other than my family and friends someone special loved me for me not if i was skinny or sexy just for my personality. i have an awsome sponaneous spunky personality but if i show it i feel werid beacause i feel im ugly and thell just laugh at me. i have such negative feelings i have imagined what life would be like for my family or friends if i just was kidnapped or died. im sick and trajic i know and need help but you ppl are the only ones i feel i can talk to about this.
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Old 11-16-2005, 11:31 PM   #9
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Hi Amy,

First of all, you must learn to accept yourself for the wonderful, unique person that you are! It does not matter what size you are - you need to be happy in your skin. Don't forget, there are many, many, very thin people who are NOT happy at all! Being thin is not a passport to happiness.

The best reason for losing weight is for your health - now and in the future. If you can learn to eat a healthy diet now and do a little exercise (start with just 10 mins. at a time and build up) it will pay off when you are older as you will have less health problems caused by a lifetime of bad food choices.

Exercise is a good way to feel better as it gives you a natural "high". Everyone can fit in a little exercise if they really want to. You have to make a commitment to yourself to do this for YOU and YOU alone, not to please anyone else.

You can do this if you set your mind to it. I highly recommend keeping a list of everything you eat - don't change anything just yet, just list everything so you are aware of what you are eating. (This will be a lot more fun than keeping a journal criticizing yourself and will help you feel more in control of your food instead of vice versa). We often eat on "autopilot" and don't realize how many calories we are eating. Even cutting out 300 calories a day will result in weight loss. Each pound of fat is made up of 3,500 calories, so you can see how easy it is to gain weight if we are eating just 300 calories too many. You can buy a calorie counter in most grocery stores, or book shops for a few dollars.

Just try baby-steps at first. Don't try to change your whole life in one go, you'll just be disappointed and give up if you can't keep it up. Maybe one week try giving up soda or one other thing that is not a healthy food and then when you are comfortable with that, substitute a piece of fresh fruit for a candy bar, etc.

Believe me, crash diets don't work for the long haul! Make sure to keep your metabolism burning by eating enough calories - at least 1400 - 1500 per day. This way, you won't feel so deprived and starving. In order to keep the weight off you need a lifestyle change not just a quickie diet.

You'll find lots of support and good information here at 3FC.

I'll keep you in my prayers. Hang in there and don't be down on yourself - you CAN do it!
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Old 11-16-2005, 11:44 PM   #10
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Hey Amy!
Do you have maybe a parent or an aunt or uncle or a minister, priest or rabbi, or school counselor or teacher that you could talk to about these issues? You must have someone that you can trust with your deep concerns. It will help to talk to them. Not just about the weight and depression, but about life in general. I promise you that it will help you and make you feel better. Find someone that you love and talk to them, let them share the load and they will be glad to help.
Wishing you all the best,
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Old 11-17-2005, 03:37 PM   #11
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wow im beggining to feel better already. im soo happy for all of the support i cant thank you enough for everyones comments it make me feel better especially colleen you made me realize why my diets dont work or last there all fads thank you. ill keeep everyone update on how im feeling
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Old 11-17-2005, 04:03 PM   #12
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Hey Amy,

I'm glad you're starting to feel a little better! Boy, you brought my highschool days back to mind in a rush. I'll never understand why that time is supposed to be the best of your life. It certainly wasn't for me, or anyone I know.

Try to get out there and live your life a little. Start with some faked confidence and you'll be amazed at how it will turn into real confidence. Get out and do the stuff you love and try not to overanalyze how other people are thinking about you. People are mostly worried about themselves and how *they* look and don't have as much energy left over to judge other people as you might expect

On the weightloss front, I'd suggest finding some kind of exercise that you enjoy and doing a little every day. You can find the time if it's important to you. I'm amazed how much it helps with my mood, not just burning calories.
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Old 11-17-2005, 04:07 PM   #13
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amy have you asked your parents abot joining a ww youth group?
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Old 11-17-2005, 07:37 PM   #14
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Imagine another person that you care about very much. You want that person to be as happy as possible. Maybe the person you are imagining is a child, or your best friend.

Now imagine that you are completely in charge of that other person. Whatever you decide is best, that is what that person will do. Study hard to do well in school, make good friends and avoid bad ones, have fun doing positive things.

What would you feed that person? Nothing but candybars and soda? Or lots of vegetables and home-cooked meals? Remember, this person's life depends on you, and you get to decide what they eat... Would you feed them pizza every day, or maybe just once a month? A two-liter bottle of soda all the time, or maybe just a little soda at the movies? You would make sure that this person ate a lot of healthy food, and only a little bad food, right?

Now think of yourself as that person. You want yourself to be as healthy as possible, right? And you're in control over what you do, right? So now make good decisions, as best you can.
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Old 11-18-2005, 03:56 AM   #15
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Make sure you are talking over how you feel with your family.
I have a sister who seems to think we dont care but in all actually I would give her the world if I could.
This is completly understandable and nothing is wrong with those feelings but they can be overcome.
You are trying to reach out for change and thats a great start.Changing your lifestyle can not happen overnight. But with many small changes it can happen. First you have to understand that a change in your eating habits is not only a very good thing but it will help in in so many ways. More energy better skin and a new attitude about yourself when you feel the changes eating better can do for you.
And then comes exersise, this is the change you must make if you want to lose some weight.
When you start to love who you are and the things about yourself that make you the incredible you that you are you will want to learn to eat better and get out and move more.
You must learn about the foods you are eating. You need to understand what the contents and the portion sizes mean on the labels.
You have the internet at your hands and Im sure you have a local library.
As you start to make changes like drinking plenty of water and no sodas or juices and start to go for walks either in the neighborhood or local mall.
These changes will push you forward to bigger changes.
Another good thing to adapt to is writing in a notebook or a journal on what your eating so you can see how much and what time your eating.
Depending on how much sweets,soda or just bad snacks or food you typically eat your body might go thru some withdrawls or a headache but this is something you want to dicuss with your parents and maybe a doctor so you can share any plan you come up with to change your lifestyle.
Diets do not work and dont last. You must make heathy choices for your body and know what your limits should be.
Again bring in your family , your mom or a dad or a aunt so they know you are serious about making changes in your life to help you be all that you want to be. Dont sit on those hurt feelings. We can all tell you that they all lead to a bag of chips or cookies or some ice cream or something that just is all wrong for you. And thats where they end up some where on you.
Get positive about yourself love yourself and see that you are a a great person who deserves the world and everyone else will to.
Keep your head up there kid , I cant tell you how many times I drowened my sorrows with myself in a pizza and a pop.
P.S Let us know how your doing because we do care that you are alright!!!!
Cindy
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