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I'm scared I'll never find my way out.

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Old 11-04-2005, 12:02 AM   #1
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Default I'm scared I'll never find my way out.

Sorry in advanced from the scatter brained thoughts.

I'm numb with pain from the fat surrounding me. I have 100 pounds to lose and no where to turn. I don't want surgery. Is there any other way? I tried to go on an extreme diet that had "layers" the beginning was insane. I didn't make it through the first week.
As I write this I am full of cereal, a hamburger, cottage cheese, doritos, and french toast (all within the last 4 hours.) Do I have any chance?
I know I'm addict. How do you save yourself from something that is harmful yet keeps you alive.

I'm scared.

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Old 11-04-2005, 12:18 AM   #2
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You DO have somewhere to turn! I have found a great deal of support here at 3FC. Check around all the boards to get an idea what other people are doing to change their lifestyles. I like to read the "Success Stories" they are full of inspiration.

First of all, I would not recommend a drastic low calorie diet. Most people can lose a steady 1 lb. a week on 1500 - 1600 calories per day (perhaps more in the beginning when you'll lose a lot of water weight). What's needed is a lifestyle change and that means eating healthy foods for the rest of your life. You didn't gain the weight overnight and it won't come off in a few months. It may take a year or two or even longer.

If you develop good eating habits that you can live with it will make it much more likely that you can keep the weight off when you reach your goal. Very few people who do crash diets keep the weight off in the long run.

Find a healthy way of eating that you can live with. Maybe just make small changes at first and when you are comfortable with them, change something else. Try to do a little exercise - even if it's just 10 minutes or so at first. Once you start losing, you will get more energy and you'll enjoy being more active.

Finally, do not be scared of your food! We must eat to live and that doesn't mean food cannot be enjoyable and healthy at the same time. Perhaps you could try logging your meals on Fitday (it's free) or some other type of food log. That way, you know exactly how much you've eaten and you'll feel that you are controlling your food and not the other way around!

I wish you every success in your new lifestyle - you CAN do it!
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Old 11-04-2005, 12:23 AM   #3
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Dear Numb,

Please just take one day at a time. I had 145 pounds to lose when I started this on September 21. I now have 125 pounds to lose. It's a big accomplishment for me. Twenty pounds just doesn't sound like much when you have 145 pounds to lose, but I just look at each pound and each day at a time.

Every day I eat healthy, I know that is one day closer to my goal. How I let myself get over 300 pounds is beyond me, but I did it. Now it's time to take it off. You CAN do this. But don't look at the whole picture. It's too overwhelming. You can PM me anytime you need some help or support. I'll try to help you.

Good Luck.
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Old 11-04-2005, 12:52 AM   #4
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Breathe deep and take things one small step at a time. I lost 120 lbs without surgery, just by changing my lifestyle bit by bit. You can do this. Avoid making extreme changes that you can't live with in the long term. And don't stare at the big number too much. I found it most helpful to always be thinking about the next 10 lb mark, not the big picture.
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Old 11-04-2005, 01:00 AM   #5
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Thank you all for your comments. I'm in shock reading the few stories on here that I have. More then one has lost an amazing amount of weight without surgery.
How do I start? What do I change first?
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Old 11-04-2005, 01:04 AM   #6
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Great advice in this forum. I find it helpful to set small goals. Focus on loosing 5 or 10 pounds to begin with. I find it helpful to count calories at http://fitday.com It hold me accountable for what I eat.

Good luck. You'll find great support here!
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Old 11-04-2005, 01:21 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by numb
Thank you all for your comments. I'm in shock reading the few stories on here that I have. More then one has lost an amazing amount of weight without surgery.
How do I start? What do I change first?
I can only tell you what worked for me. I think it's very important for each person to determine what is right for them.

In July 2004, I weighed close to 200 lbs. I was desperately unhappy. I dreamed all the time about losing weight. I half-heartedly started "diets" that lasted 1 day or 2 days. In the past, on 2 separate occasions I had lost a lot of weight and had regained it all back and more. I didn't think I could ever lose weight.

Several triggers happened, and one day I decided to just do it. It was like I flicked a switch - no turning back, ever from that day. My goal was not to reach any particular goal weight, but to be healthy, to use food to be as healthy as possible. I read this great book called Super Foods: 14 Foods that Can Change Your Life and based everything I did around that book.

I decided to keep a food journal. I decided to actually see what I was eating. I decided to eat as many whole foods as possible and avoid packaged foods. I decided to start planning meals, planning healthy snacks. I decided to try to eat 5 servings of vegetables every day, at least 2 servings of fruit, switch from white carbs to better carbs (brown rice, whole wheat pasta, whole wheat tortillas, oatmeal) and tons and tons of green tea . I cut out fast food, packaged baked goods and sugary soda and haven't touched any of that since July 2004. I made my house a completely junk free zone.

I had read a little about calories and the starvation effect, I didn't want to sabotage myself by hitting my goal weight with a wrecked metabolism and an urge to binge. I tried to keep my calories between 1500 and 1700 and never went below 1200. I ate foods I liked, I ate every 2 hours, I never binged, never "cheated."

I looked at the foods I ate and made changes so I could stick with it forever. I planned in advance for how I would maintain the weight loss. Now that I am maintaining, I do exactly the same thing, except I allow myself more calories per day (and occasional treats).

My tastes changed. I love the foods I eat. I would rather have a fresh mango than a brownie. I feel wonderful - I used to be sleepy every afternoon, I used to have a hard time waking up in the morning. It's hard to explain how huge the changes have been. I went from a tight size 18 to a comfy size 10 (sometimes 8), my skin looks great and I feel amazing.

In a way, once I decided to do it, it was the easiest thing I have ever done. It's just science - calories in vs calories out, eat healthy food, limit junk and make sure you have a plan as often as possible.

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http://gloriana.myphotoalbum.com/vie...umName=album02
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Old 11-04-2005, 06:49 AM   #8
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Hi Numb!

I'd just chime in with the notion that if you figure out why you put the weight on in the first place then it'll be easier to lose it. For me it was issues in my past and the weight is/was a way to feel safe. It may be something completely different for you but knowing what that is will help you along the way.

Keeping a track of calories really really helps. You'd be amazed when you started reading labels how many calories things have! I was and I thought I knew it all. Turns out I was underestimating a lot! Online calculators help and can actually be fun in an weird way!

Otherwise just know you can do it. You can!

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Old 11-04-2005, 07:23 AM   #9
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Oh, numb, don't feel alone or hopeless! There is so much support, information, and motivation here at 3FC. I started with 160 pounds to lose and stil have over 100 to lose, but I'm certainly moving in the right direction, so I know it can be done.

Like others have said, don't just keep saying you've got 100 pounds to lose. That sounds so impossible! Just think about losing 10 or so pounds at a time. Every little bit helps and makes you both smaller and healthier, so focus on little goals instead of just the big picture.

I'm not sure if you've had a chance to browse around the site, but there's actually a group of people who have 100+ pounds to lose. They're a great group--very motivating and helpful. You can find them here: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/100-lb-club-55/

Everyone has to start somewhere, and coming here is an excellent first step, so congratulations and
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Old 11-04-2005, 10:14 AM   #10
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have you tried ww?
also, have you done research on something called binge eating disorder? based on your post i think you may have it if you ate all of that in 4 hrs.
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Old 11-04-2005, 10:53 AM   #11
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Hi numb.

I used to weigh 240 at my highest about 105 lbs over what I should weigh. I am finally down to 210. It's been a struggle between exercising, drinking enough water, staying away from junk food, to even giving up regular soda. I never thought that I would be able to give it up because diet soda is gross. Tastes nasty. I have to say that I don't miss it at all. I have found many a diet soda that I can drink and it is very satisfying. I usually only have one a week compared to atleast one or more regular soda. It's all about making changes to improve our health. Baby steps.. a little at a time.

I have to say I agree with everyone else. You just need to take it a day at a time. Definitely don't look at the bigger picture of needing to lose over 100 lbs. Break it down to smaller mini goals. Start with trying to lose 10 lbs. Keeping a journal can be very beneficial. See what you are putting into your body each day can help you see the bigger picture. Slowly try to eliminate certain foods and start adding more fruit and veggies. Portion control sounds like a big issue.

Don't feel hopeless. We all stuggle to lose weight and then maintain it when we get there. It's a lifestyle change. One that we have to maintain well after reaching our goal weights. Just try to believe that you can do it. There is so much information and support that you will find here at 3FC. Keep up the good work.
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Old 11-04-2005, 11:11 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by numb
Thank you all for your comments. I'm in shock reading the few stories on here that I have. More then one has lost an amazing amount of weight without surgery.
How do I start? What do I change first?
Are you getting any exercise? If not, I'd start by getting out and taking a walk around the block every day. Not only will this burn a few calories, it can also really help your mood. (At least this is the case for me)

The other thing I would recommend right off the bat is to start a food diary and figure out how many calories you're taking in on average a day. Fitday.com is a nice easy way to do this. In the end it comes down to calories in vs. calories out. Figure out what it takes to maintain your present weight. Subtract 500 calories a week and you should see about a pound per week loss.

Everybody is different and you'll need to find what works for you. Some people really like programs like Weight Watchers or TOPS for support. Some people have success limiting carbs. Others like me just count calories and get our bodies moving. The key is to find what works for you.

Good Luck! You can totally do this
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Old 11-04-2005, 11:29 AM   #13
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I am a compulsive overeater, have been overweight all my life. I had given up trying to lose anything for many years, resigned myself to always being overweight, and gained more and more every year. I just decided there was no way out and this was who I was. Finally about 4 years ago I came to the conclusion that I wanted to be healthier. I did not pin my hopes on getting to some idea weight, I just wanted to get down to my lowest adult weight, which was about 215. I decided that if I could do that, and lead a healthy lifestyle and maintain it, I would be content.

I've lost 172 pounds, and am within 5 pounds of that "recommended weight range for my height." There are a lot of people here who advocate the "one small step at a time" approach, gradually cutting out and cutting down. I applaud them for that, because I think that's a healthy approach.; if that appeals to you, then by all means give it a try. That would never work for me, though. I had to draw a line in the sand and step over it into my new life. In a lot of ways it's hard, but in some ways it's easier because it's more clear-cut. So, I joined Jenny Craig. Another excellent program is Weight Watchers. What these two programs share is a sane, balanced, healthy food plan and lots of tools to deal with some of the mental stuff you'll have to deal with. The others are right, you do not want to drastically reduce calories, that can boomerang on you. On Jenny Craig I'm guessing that you would be assigned at least 1700 calories to start, then be stepped down as you lose weight. I also liked JC because it offered one-on-one consultations; I really needed some ME time every week that didn't involve group meetings. If you want to learn more about the program, send me a private message and I'll fill in the details for you.

All seriously overweight people are in spiritual pain from their weight and the overeating itself. It is our drug, it is our best friend, our solace, our entertainment, our hobby. It is also our prison. The weight is just a manifestation of that. When you understand that, and when you decide that you want OUT of prison more than you want all the other things that food provides, then you can start to find your way out.
I am not a member of Overeaters Anonymous; I don't necessarily advocate "abstinence" and the 12 steps for everyone in that boat, but I have found a lot of insight for myself in learning about compulsive overeating, and I recommend that you do so as well. There is a board here called "Chicks in Control" that has a lot of info on compulsive overeating, please take a look.

The bottom line is that there IS a way out, but no one can take you by the hand and lead you to it. It's slightly different for all of us. While some people describe a switch flipping BEFORE they start their program, for others the switch finally flips after a lot of work, exploration, and hanging on by fingernails. If there is one central key lesson I could impart, it's that if you depend on "motivation" to carry you through, you will never find that door out. You have to simply DECIDE that this is what you're going to do. Acknowledge that it will be hard -- in some ways it will be the hardest thing you'll do in your entire life. Acknowledge that there will be times when you don't "feel like" avoiding that cake or eating those vegetables, there will be times when you are tired and frustrated and the nearest drive through seems like a good idea "just this once." Make peace with the fact that your life will be turned upside down because you are giving up your drug of choice, and that the pull of that drug will always be with you. Then, let all of this knowledge fuel you, inform your choices, give you the courage you need to just do whatever it is you need to do even if you aren't "motivated."

Finally, let me suggest a few books that really helped me decide to try to lose weight and made me feel it could be done. I recommend these books a LOT on these boards, but I really think they are invaluable:

Thin for Life : 10 Keys to Success from People Who Have Lost Weight and Kept It Off by Anne Fletcher
This is out in a NEW revised edition, I'd recommend getting it rather than an older one, although the older one is fine. This is the book that made me think that maybe, just maybe I could lose at least some weight and keep it off, and there are strategies here that I use to this day. Discussed at length in the Maintainer's Library on these boards.

The Thin Books: Daily Strategies & Meditations for Fat-Free, Guilt-Free, Binge-Free Living by Jean Eddy Westin
This is the BIBLE for understanding and recovering from compulsive overeating.

Fattitudes: Beat Self-Defeat and Win Your War With Weight by Jeffrey Wilbert, Norean K. Wilbert

The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom by Phil McGraw
Overall I'm not a Dr. Phil fan but this book pretty much hits the nail on the head.

Stop the Insanity by Susan Powter
Overall it's very inspiring and has some good factual info about why oxygen is important in fat burning, that it's OK to modify exercises when you can't keep up with the aerobics instructor, etc. But some of her practical advice is misguided (i.e., about how much fat to eat), and she DOES have a thing about men due to her past. But, I got a huge kick and a lot of good inspiration from reading it.

Fat Chat With Tamara: How I Lost 100 Pounds and You Can Too by Tamara Hill, Maryann Brinley

Passing for Thin : Losing Half My Weight and Finding My Self by Frances Kuffel
You may not completely identify with Kuffel, and obviously we are not all 12-steppers, but her story is compelling and insightful.
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Old 11-04-2005, 01:36 PM   #14
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Precious Numb,

I think losing weight just may be one of the most difficult things to do. I applaud those who have had so much success! I have quit a lot of bad habits and addictions (trust me on that) and while I have never been morbidly obese I have struggle with weight since having my beautiful daughter 26 years ago. It is a constant battle but recently I quit smoking and it was like "look out food here I come!" I have gained 35 pounds since March!!! I am wearing my husbands pants...

My son is a personal trainer and is trying to help me but he lives 200 miles away and I habe had no will power. I think I may have found it on this site with all of you beautiful ladies (I say beautiful because I have read your caring notes to one another).

One thing about exercise that Jason has taught me is that while it is 25% (generally speaking) of a good weight loss plan it also helps reduce depression and while you are doing it keeps you from eating that next snack you may have reached for.

Good luck to you Numb, there is lots of good advice here...take it!
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Old 11-04-2005, 02:07 PM   #15
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You've gotten a lot of great advice here. This is such a hard journey, but so important. Have you thought about Overeater's Anonymous? I don't know that much about their philosophies, but maybe someone else can fill that in. I wish I had more to offer, but know that I'm thinking of you.

My stats are similar to Annies- my first weigh-in at Weight Watchers was 238.6 on 9/29. I'm now officially 10.4 pounds down, thanks to their Core plan. I've had a lot of failures, but this time I'm determined not to let one backward step turn into 20 backward steps.

Good luck to you.
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