Ok, so I don't post here very often, but I do read the forums daily. For the last 3 months I have fallen off the wagon so to speak. So today I have decided to restart, and in that I need to unload and get everything out of the closet before I feel i can really trully start again.
I knew that things had to change when I was hovering around 260 lbs.(2003), but at that time I was so put off by the fact that i would need to lose around 100+ pounds. I had never been one for yo yo dieting, or really any sense of the word diet. After a bad break up a deep depression dropped me to around I guess 240-245 (2004) (I never owned a scale, only weighed myself at my moms). I realized I needed to get serious about it, but I had always used the excuse that I came from a large southern family, and not large as in the number of people. I just always believed that I would always be large because of them and I could never look the way I wanted to. I never took my weight when I began to lose weight in Jan. of 2005, but I started keeping a food diary and documenting my wieght in March (235lbs) by June I was down to 201..dreaming of onederland. Well thats when it all fell apart. I recognize my inner sabotour but have yet found the way to fight her off. Since about June I have hovered anywhere around 208 to 204. I have finally realized that I am scared to be in the 100's. I haven't been ther since mabye my freshman/sophmore year in high school. I have never known who that person is. I was just still a kid. Now as I slowly lose the weight I see a womans body emerging, I have never met her before and I don't know how to get comfortable with her. I am certain this is the reason that I have not pushed myself to drop below 200, and why I quit eating right and going to the gym. Well now I say bring it on. I am ready. I know my demons. Thanks to everyone for being an inspiration and a sounding board.