Hi, ladies! Just a reminder to everyone not to let people's rude comments get us down.
When I moved to France, I was walking around exploring my new city the first night I got there, and some guy behind me started making OINKING noises! I couldn't believe it and it made me feel so bad. People who do these things just feel bad about themselves; I know it's an old rationale, but it's true. It's kind of like how people who really have a lot of money never feel the need to flaunt it; people who feel good about themselves wouldn't say these things.
It hurts so much when people say things like this for no reason, but just push it out of your head and don't let it ruin the wonderful progress we're making! Like the other members said, we can lose weight but they'll always be ugly! Here's a good comeback for you if someone pulls an idiotic stunt like that again: "You know why I'm fat? Because my mama's fat. It's the same reason you're ugly, because your mama's ugly!"
Ya know, I have a different take on all of this (as usual). Coming up with clever comebacks, dreaming up karmic justice scenarios, or analyzing why they might have said whatever is a waste of my time and energy. Some people say hurtful things because they are miserable themselves, sure. But some people are just bullies -- arrogant, judgemental, and nasty. Either way, they are not worth a single second of thought on my part.
The truth is that if you feel good enough about yourself, the random cruel comments of a stranger just roll off your back. Rather than agonizing about how mean they were or explaining to them that "I'm losing weight, honest!" the way to peace of mind is to just roll your eyes and shake your head and move on.
I'm not advocating bottling up your feelings -- that's what made a lot of us overweight in the first place. So, I don't blame someone for standing up for themselves and telling such a person they're out of line; I would if I were in the mood. But getting into a "yo mama" game with them or trying to convince them of how wrong they are is pointless. At best they are simply not going to change their opinion of you, and at worst you only give them ammunition. It might be different if the comment is merely thoughtless, or if the person is someone you know that you will have future contact with. But a deliberate insult from a perfect stranger? Please! You only get yourself worked up by responding.
People only hurt you if you GIVE them the power to hurt you. If you think you are less than a human being because you are overweight, then being stung to the point of tears about any comment to that effect simply voices what you already think about yourself. Work on your own positive self-talk and acknowledgement of your worth, and the comments won't hurt.
Last edited by funniegrrl; 09-09-2005 at 10:06 PM.
I agree with funniegrrl (as usual). Anyone who would intentionally insult or be mean to a complete stranger lives a life devoid of sensitivity, compassion, and empathy. What a sad existence - much sadder than the one I lived at my highest weight. So, while their comments might be hurtful they are certainly not worth any more time/energy than what it takes to shrug them off.
Sometimes it isn't really that someone is cruel that REALLY bothers us. Anytime one of my kids has been picked on or called a name and gotten upset about it I ask them one question: "Do you think that is true?" The answer is ALWAYS "no". Even at their young ages they realize that the insults have no power if they aren't true.
I think what happens is that we often let our weight define us. So, if someone speaks rudely to us it hurts because we believe their comments to be true. If someone made oinking noises at me at my highest weight I wouldn't have been upset because they noticed I was fat, I was afterall. Instead, the sting would have been because being fat was a huge reason I felt bad about myself and by making fun of my weight they would have made fun of my person.
The REAL truth, though, is that our weight only defines us IF WE LET IT. And, like funniegrrl said, positive self talk arms us to handle with ease the jerks of the world. Almost as soon as I started losing weight I began to feel really good about myself. It took a long time before I liked how I looked but in no time at all I felt a sense of accomplishment, control, and worth. As soon as I realized that being fat was a physical attribute and not a character flaw I was able to ignore just about anything someone could dish out (weight related or otherwise). At that point if someone teased me about my weight I would have thought, "Yeah, I'm fat, SO WHAT?" and then moved on.
It is a waste of time to worry about why some people have no tact. Unless there is a grain of truth to their comment my reaction to them is "WHATEVER". If I feel bad about something someone says to me then I examine whether or not there might be some truth behind their opinion. Just because there might have been a nicer way for them to criticize me doesn't mean that they don't have a point. If they do then it is an opportunity for me to better myself overall.
If someone made oinking noises at me at my highest weight I wouldn't have been upset because they noticed I was fat, I was after all. Instead, the sting would have been because being fat was a huge reason I felt bad about myself and by making fun of my weight they would have made fun of my person.
Stick it to the naysayers!
