Have you ever had people tell you that you're an "inspiration" to them?
I was very close to 400lbs before I started losing weight and I got seriously dedicated fast and lost 30lbs quickly. People kept telling me how much an inspiration I was to them and how I motivated them to try to lose weight again. I am constantly getting asked for recipies, cooking ideas, ect. ect.
However, I'm having some health problems now that keep me from cooking my own meals or even shopping for food. There's no one else to cook or shop for me so I've pretty much been eating whatever can be delivered, which of course isn't healthy. I've made myself eat a lot less than I normally would so I am thankfully not re-gaining, but I am certainly not losing either.
(I am going to the Dr. today so hopefully this health issue will be resolved in the next few weeks)
The thing is, I feel like a real rat when people come to me and ask me how the "plan" is going, how much weight I've lost, and of course they look shocked and horrified to see me creep up to the snack machine to buy the only lunch I could manage for the day....
The point is, I'm really NOT enjoying the pressure of being other people's "inspiration"...it makes me feel like it's wrong for me to screw up...that I can't relax even when I'm sick because there are so many other people's NEEDS to meet.
I wonder if this is how that Jared Subway guy feels?
To some extent. Some of my coworkers fuss over how much weight I've lost fairly often. They always ask how much I've lost, and when I tell them, they shake their heads wondering and say "Man, I wish I could lose 30 pounds!" or whatever is that the number happened to be that day.
I don't mind that, but I feel sorta uncomfortable when they ask me how I've done it. Their faces look so hopeful, and I just *know* they are hoping I'll tell them about some wonderous new diet or pill that allowed the pounds to come off like magic. They always look so disapointed when I say "I eat less, and exercise more. In particular, I really stay away from fast food places these days."
Eat less and exercise more. No one wants to hear that. But, if losing weight were easy, no one would ever be fat.
Edit: In your place, I would just do my best to ignore the other people's needs and wants. You are dieting for you, not them. Repeat to yourself whenever you start feeling pressure from them "Its for me, not them". I hope this isn't too big of a deal for you!
Very interesting point Solus. It's like there's this added sense of responsibility now to be a positive role model and always be willing to share the secrets of your success at any given time. There have been times when I just didn't feel like talking about it, especially when I knew the person asking wasn't really "ready" to hear it yet. You know how you can just tell sometimes when a person is ready for some real life changes or not? There's also those times when you just feel like having something that's not on plan, which is perfectly fine and normal on occasion, but there's still that little twinge of guilt as you look around and wonder what others will think. Because you know damn well that some people will watch you like a hawk, just looking for any sign that you're returning to your old ways and may start putting on weight. Then they can justify why they're not taking care of themselves because, what's the point, it didn't work for you, right? So try not to let the pressure get to you because you just can't win with some people. I hope you'll be able concentrate on taking care of you right now because that is really what's most important here. So good luck and I hope your health issues are resolved very quickly. But in the meantime just know that you are not alone.
I haven't had that happen so much as I've had people who seem to be waiting for me to fail, particularly thinner family members. I saw one of my siblings a couple of weeks ago and she mentioned that I'd lost weight. We had pizza for dinner that night and I did eat a little more than I should have, but I didn't pig out by any means. I could just feel her watching though. It's like they expect me to blow right back up and gain it back. I'll show them, though.
I can understand why being told you're "an inspiration" would have the same weight and responsibility attached. It's not quite the same, being expected to "lead by example" and being expected to fail, but you still have this weight on you of what other people want from you.
I have no wise words, but I hope your health issues are taken care of so that you can get back to losing. You've done AWESOME so far and should be very proud. Forget being an inspiration, you just keep at it for yourself and if other people decide to follow in your footsteps and get healthy, they're welcome to it. Right?
Yes I hear it all the time , Wow how much have you lost? followed up by the how have you done it?
Sometimes I wanna just carry a card around so I dont have to keep telling everyone and just give them the card when they ask.
But then again some times it makes me feel good to know that people want to know what im doing because I have done something.
Losing weight is something almost anyone and everyone can at least at ont point in their life understand is something you have to work at and keep trying and trying. Its never changing. Just try to take it as a compliment that you have worked darn hard for you your worth it.
This is one of the issues I can wholeheartely understand. I've never, NEVER enjoyed being the center of attention (self-esteem issues, we'll get into that at a later time.... ). So I deal with the obvious comments on the weight loss, or "Girl, you look SOOO good, how do you do it??", or "You're looking so good, I'm never speaking to you again!!" (humorously said). Understand, I don't get angry or upset, I'm very appreciative of all the support I'm getting, but I don't take compliments well to begin with.
BUT, my major fear is that I will not be able to maintain the weight loss, and will look like a fool or failure. I've never been able to maintain a weight loss for any significant length of time, so this is a well-grounded fear of mine. But, I have to admit, this doesn't mean I won't at least try! Maybe I can put my fear to work in my own behalf...
I understand your feelings on this so well.. I work in a restaurant.. I'm surrounded by food all the time.. I have had a lot of people notice and asking how etc.. I feel like I can't blow it or stop losing or I will look like a failure.. It's like we had breakfast at the restaurant yesterday and the peer pressure "Made" me order something healthy.. So in some ways that pressure is good if it helps us stay on track.. I'm afraid too of looking like a failure so in that since I guess being an inspiration as much of a pain as it is is helping me to reach my goal.. Solus.. I hope you get your health issue resolved..
I hope this doesn't come out really negative, it isn't my intention. But I just had a different reaction in reading your post.
This reminds me of why weight wathers didn't work for me. The shame of the scale was not a big deal when it happend a couple weeks in a row. I just wasn't ready to lose after the initial big drop in the scale. So as I see it, you are kinda doing that self imposed shame that will get easier to swallow in time if you don't get back on track.
From reading your message, the thing that stood out to me was wondering if you are making an excuse. You cannot buy groceries, yet you can walk to a vending machine at work. Ask yourself how important the continued weight loss is to you and why you are uncomfortable with the sudden attention. Are you only sabotaging yourself because people are starting to notice? When we stay/are fat, people notice and say things...just not to us. Hearing the ohh's and ahh's in losing is easier to take than staying unhealthy and not hearing any concern from others.
If healthy food is essential for your weight loss (and it is for all of us), can we help you think of some strategies on how to get your groceries and not rely on vending machines and take out?
You cannot buy groceries, yet you can walk to a vending machine at work?
Vending Machine - walk there, put in money, grab a snack, walk back
Groceries - drive to store, walk across a crowded parking lot in the opressive heat, get a cart, push cart around while finding things on list, stand over bins while sorting to find the items that are freshest, compare items to find the best deal, keep a running tab in head to keep within the very strict budget, push cart (which is gradually getting heavier) isle to isle. Deal with people who like to stand in the way, screaming children, teens running helter-skelter around the store like a bunch of hooligans. Reach up to get things on higher shelves. Bend down to get things on lower shelves. Lift things that are heavier than 2lbs. Stand in line. Walk across crowded parking lot in opressive heat. Stand in opressive heat while performing trunk-tetris with heavy grocery bag. Drive home. Walk back and forth from car to house with heavy grocery bags in opressive heat. Sort groceries. Reach up to put groceries on shelves. Bend over to put groceries on lower shelves.....immediatly go to bed (without dinner) crying from pain and exhaustion.
These two things aren't even comparable. I'm not even going to bother going though why it's possible to pay a delivery guy but not cook a healthy meal.
You have no idea what my health problem is or what the effects are. How can you assume that my reasons are motivated from self-sabotage? At the moment, even simple things are virtually insurmountable tasks.
But to forestall any further questions, no there aren't any family or friends who can help, riding around in those little motorized carts is not an option, and I intend to leave local charity services for people more in need than myself.
There may be some healthy food delivery options in your area? Meals cooked delivered several at a time to be microwaved? Also, many grocery stores offer delivery service (at least in my area). Maybe check out what is on-line grocery shopping, I've seen it in advertised but don't know the details.
I'm sorry that you don't have anyone who can help you. I injured myself badly last year (broken bones) and couldn't carry a thing. My neighbors and friends knew I was alone and helped me for 3 months. I do the same if needed. I hope you feel better soon.
Vending Machine - walk there, put in money, grab a snack, walk back
Groceries - drive to store, walk across a crowded parking lot in the opressive heat, get a cart, push cart around while finding things on list, stand over bins while sorting to find the items that are freshest, compare items to find the best deal, keep a running tab in head to keep within the very strict budget, push cart (which is gradually getting heavier) isle to isle. Deal with people who like to stand in the way, screaming children, teens running helter-skelter around the store like a bunch of hooligans. Reach up to get things on higher shelves. Bend down to get things on lower shelves. Lift things that are heavier than 2lbs. Stand in line. Walk across crowded parking lot in opressive heat. Stand in opressive heat while performing trunk-tetris with heavy grocery bag. Drive home. Walk back and forth from car to house with heavy grocery bags in opressive heat. Sort groceries. Reach up to put groceries on shelves. Bend over to put groceries on lower shelves.....immediatly go to bed (without dinner) crying from pain and exhaustion.
These two things aren't even comparable. I'm not even going to bother going though why it's possible to pay a delivery guy but not cook a healthy meal.
You have no idea what my health problem is or what the effects are. How can you assume that my reasons are motivated from self-sabotage? At the moment, even simple things are virtually insurmountable tasks.
But to forestall any further questions, no there aren't any family or friends who can help, riding around in those little motorized carts is not an option, and I intend to leave local charity services for people more in need than myself.
How do you get yourself to work? Ask those that think of you as an inspiration for assistance. I would be happy to help you if we worked together and I knew how important your weight loss goals are.
Think of the grocery store as exercise. Hit the store early or late to avoid busy periods. Even skinny people find all those incidences you listed as annoyances. I can definitely sense your frustration. If you have no mobility or are physically unable, then you are in need of assistance...talk to your physician. You are 360 pounds and cannot buy or prepare food...if someone is in need of help, it is you!! Love yourself enough to be good to your body.
Burgie, when I read your last post I was was all full of angry retorts! How could someone be so insensitive?
But I forced myself to realize that it was lack of understanding rather than true insensitivity that motived your reply. You're trying to help, right? Wasn't it I, just a few short weeks ago who was happily going to the grocer 3x a week, getting up at the crack of dawn to go the gym, cooking 5 meals a day? If I'd never known life otherwise, or lived with this disease, would I have ever been able to understand that it's not always just that easy?
I want you to read something. It's a bit long, but I think it will help you grasp what I am talking about here...
It's not an injury we're talking about here, or even something that will ever go away. With medication I get better, and can almost lead a normal life...but the side effects always get worse over time and I have to go off the medicine and wait while my body readjusts till I can start the new one. After I start the new one then I get to spend several weeks yo-yo'ing dosages till I can find a ratio of level of side effects to medicine effectiveness that I can live with.
Going to the grocery isn't about inconvenience or irritation. Viewing it as "exercise" is laughable. It's about a thousand little tasks that in my current state are much much more than I can manage in a day. Just getting up in the morning, showering, getting dressed, these things sap what little reserves I have, leaving me exhausted and in pain.
Why don't I ask my co-workers for help? Firstly, they'd all make an excuse about how they'd love to help but they're much much to busy. Trust me when I tell you that these people are NOT all about being helpful to others... Aside from that, it would also mean even more exhaustive explanations to people who have no real understanding at all about how I can live, and not look sick, and manage to get to work, but can't manage to do little things for myself, like buy groceries and cook. And to be honest, I don't want to discuss the gritty details of this very personal disease to people I hardly know.
Anyway, in the long run, none of this matters. I start my new medication tomorrow...it's a new one...if I'm lucky the side-effects will be mild and tolerable and I won't have to spend weeks adjusting dosages or brands. Then I can go back to having days without the crippling pain, nausea, and bleeding.
Solus,
I don't know what your particular health problem is but I have Fibromyalgia and I can completely understand how awful the grocery store can be. When I'm in a flare I've been known to stand in the grocery and cry because it hurts and it's so overwhelming to even try and manage all the obstacles. It's not an expedition to be undertaken lightly on bad days! Not to mention cooking the stuff I've bought and cleaning up! I've been known to start cooking a meal and just turn the stove off and crawl up with exhaustion and pain without even eating. Fortunately I have a lot of help, which is a huge blessing. (although sometimes my honey and my friends get me treats cause I feel so crappy but that's a whole other story! LOL )
I think the thing with being an "inspiration" is that it doesn't mean that we are perfect. Some people seem to believe that it can only be done if one is perfect and that trip to the snack machine is morally offensive to this view of the weight loss process. It's okay to not be 100% on track every single minute of our lives!!
As far as your food choices go, I was going to suggest you could try some of the healthier take out /delivery choices (you are probably already doing this but just in case it's helpful). Like chinese food you can order steamed rice (rather than fried) and order dishes with light sauces and lots of veggies (yummy!), or you can stop by a subway drive through and get a sandwich (if you are driving to work), pizzas can also be ordered with sparse cheese and lots of veggies, etc. If drive through is an option you can also go for the salads available at fast food restaurants these days and add a baked potato or something not fried. While it's not ideal, you can continue to maintain and take care of yourself until you can resolve some of your health issues. You can ask your company to start stocking baked chips in the snack machines, or have the more nutritious stuff (LOL) like peanut butter crackers.
Overall, I think the fact that you are not gaining is something to be proud of. If you are comfortable discussing this, you could even tell those who ask for updates "I'm doing great! I'm maintaining my loss!" or tell them that you're having some issues right now with losing more but are still maintaining!
Being an inspiration doesn't mean you have to be accountable to everyone who asks! Sometimes it is okay to tell someone, thank you so much for your support but I'm not comfortable discussing this right now.
ok.. I have CFS.. possibly fibro.. degenerative disc disease, psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, ulcerative colitis, diviriticulitis, a hiatal hernia, planter facitis with heel spurs and raynaulds.
I spent a year on bed rest when I was first diagnosed with CFS after a bad bout with Mono.. This was diagnosed by an oncologist after they ruled out cancer and aids. They were at that time suspecting lupus and it has come up several times in my various testing.. thus far my ana is still negative.
I know the spoon theory link you posted very well.. I didn't need to click on it. It has been my life at times.. If it is Lupus that you suffer with, please pm me and I can give you some links to a few message boards that have been a Godsend to me and still are though I have not been diagnosed. There are some lovely women on these boards that can give you the support you need dealing with your illness.
I know when I first got sick it was all I could do to raise my head. I literally was so weak and fatigued I could barely walk. I gained over 80 lbs in 10 years since contracting CFS.. When I was able to return to work it was at first part time.. I would work a day then go home and sleep two..
I now have a great carreer.. I work full time.. there are still days when I go home and go straight to bed. There are days.. (like today) when I go to work with a fever and swollen glands.. but we do what we have to do. I will not let my collection of illnesses define who I am.
It has taken me 10 years to reach a point that I was willing to REALLY try excersizing & dieting again. I do ok for a few days then get hit with fatigue. I will not give up though and I know that while I have to take care of my self to stay healthy if I lose weight it will help to take a load off of my joints and back as well as help with my digestive problems and fatigue.
I am trying to eat sensibly, trying to watch my portions, trying to choose the best things I can.. No, I'm not trying, I'm DOING it..
It took a long time though for me to feel ready..
I've learned to conserve my energy when I am feeling sick.. to utilize it when I'm not.
I try to keep the house stocked so that if I'm not up to shopping there is still some lean cuisines or some kind of easy choice for me that doesn't require me throwing out my plan.
I don't know what you are suffering from and I certainly won't make judgements as there was a time when I literally could not walk to the mailbox.
Even when the food available is not good choices though, you can still monitor your portion sizes.. make little changes where you can..
I know it has been an issue for me to try to feed myself well.. If I don't feel well somehow in my head I think if I eat I will feel better or have more energy.. It doesn't work though..
Being an "inspiration" and it's inherent problems
). So I deal with the obvious comments on the weight loss, or "Girl, you look SOOO good, how do you do it??", or "You're looking so good, I'm never speaking to you again!!" (humorously said). Understand, I don't get angry or upset, I'm very appreciative of all the support I'm getting, but I don't take compliments well to begin with. 
)