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Old 06-10-2005, 05:56 PM   #1
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Unhappy Please Help ME

Hi everyone! I am not really sure how I found this website, but I think it is divine intervention! My name is Lauren. I am 5'8" and weigh 236lbs. The smallest I have ever been is 155 (and even then I still thought I was HUGE! Never could get rid of these thick legs and hips!) the largest I have been is 248. My whole life has been an up, down, up, down. I am so tired of it. I have tried everything - Slim Fast, Weight Watchers, LA Weight Loss, Lean Cuisines, bariatrics. I fail at ALL of them! I just can't stick to anything! LA Weight Loss seemed to really work - I lost about 50 lbs on it. But I just got so bored of the same food over and over again. I gave up on that one too. And I gained it all back except 10 pounds. I started LA before my wedding so I could get down to 155 again for my big day. I started at my heaviest (248) and lost down to about 202. And this was still a few months away from my wedding! I could have lost at least 20 more pounds - maybe more! But slowly but surely, I stopped following the plan. Why do I always do this? Why can't I ever stick to a plan? I AM SO DEPRESSED! Everyone says I am very pretty - and truth be known, I work for Lane Bryant and would love to model for them but I am even too big to model for them!! - but I have never felt pretty. Even when I was thin. All I feel is fat. And ever since I have been over 200 lbs, I feel even more disgusting. I really WANT to lose weight. Can anyone out there try to help me? Thank you for listening.
Here's a pic so ya'll know who you are talking to.
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Old 06-10-2005, 06:04 PM   #2
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Hey there --

I think most of us can identify with the way you feel right now -- we've all felt that way at one time or another, so you are certainly not alone.

When it comes to losing weight, I think those of us who are successful have a "click" -- we finally understand what it really means to change our habits and get to goal. What makes that click happen varies from person to person, but the good news is that the more you learn and look for it, the more likely you are to experience it. Sometimes you have to "fake it before you make it."

After a lifetime of being a LOT more overweight than you are, I finally had my clicks. A series of clicks, really. The first one was that whatever I did to lose weight is what I'd have to do for the rest of my life. This meant forgetting "diets" (even though I AM on a commercial program). It meant redefining what I saw as normal, and learning to like and prefer healthier eating and activity. It took a while, but that change in attitude was crucial. Whether you are a person who does best with drawing a line in the sand and staring a new way of eating 100% on Day One, or whether you do best with the "baby step" approach, it boils down to looking at this not as a deprivation you go through to lose weight, but a lifestyle makeover you undertake for its own sake, with weight loss being the byproduct.

I highly recommend reading the stickies in the Maintainers Board. I also highly recommend the book Thin for Life (and there's a discussion group on the Maintainers Board about that, too). Hang around those folks long enough, and you'll feel nothing can hold you back!

Don't worry about losing and regaining in the past, just concentrate on the future. All of those previous attempts and successes are just practice for what you want to do now. They were all learning experiences, so learn what you can from them, celebrate what you did right, and let go of the sense of failure. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you'll get there.
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Old 06-10-2005, 06:33 PM   #3
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Thank you so much for the reply! I am looking forward to becoming a regular participant on this site. Maybe this is the start of my "click"..........?
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Old 06-10-2005, 06:37 PM   #4
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Read Dr. Phil's Weightloss Solution book! He addresses the EMOTIONAL issues of being over weight first, and helps you learn to recognize your "triggers" for overeating and gives you ways to break your bad eating habits, then he goes into how to eat better without completely eliminating the foods you love. I deffinately recommend the book. I've lost 25 pounds in 3 months since reading his book and my life is so changed because I'm no longer controlled by food.
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Old 06-11-2005, 01:15 AM   #5
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First thing, hi, and welcome to these boards!

I've myself read both the "Thin For Life" and Dr Phil's book (7 keys to weight loss), and they've really helped me tons when it came to understand certain mechanisms of my overeating. I can only recommend them (and to be honest, Dr Phil's one was part of my "click"; even "only a book" can help in this!). The Dr Phil one can really help in isolating, understanding and correcting bad eating patterns, even though some of his suggestions don't work for everyone (for instance: when I'm alone at home, I can't eat without reading, else I'm too bored and don't enjoy my food; if it doesn't work, don't force it ). The Thin For Life will give you examples and tips & tricks from people who've maintained important weight losses through years.

Another thing I've understood so far is that the weight loss shouldn't be envisioned as a "what can I do to lose the weight now, I'll worry about the maintenance later on" problem, but as a "what will be good for me now and for the rest of my life". Eating plans can be a good way to give you a right start, but as you can't rely on them for years, it's good to experiment, try to control what you eat, identify your risky foods, etc. You may of course have to behave more drastically at first, after all, there IS a difference between losing and maintaining; the key is simply to not let way to all the negative talk or to illusory thoughts, such as "this is too hard, I'll never be able to have pleasure in eating anymore", or "when I'm thin I can eat 'like before' again". It's both about getting used to better, healthier eating habits, and learning moderation so that we can still allow ourselves "treats" here and there, *but* without overeating each time.

I'm not sure of what your exact problems are, but from what you mentioned in your post, it could be simply that indeed, "sticking to a plan for long" isn't the good solution for you (too discouraging, too hard, too deprivating...). Perhaps what would work best for you would be to initiate simple and gradual changes, such as starting with skim milk instead of whole, putting less fat in cooking, allowing yourself treats but in limited quantities (small packages instead of family-sized ones, even if it's more expensive comparatively), and slowly increasing exercise as well (this I can only recommend; I know that some say you can lose without exercising, however, it really helps tons, will make the slimming down results faster, and will also make you feel better, which is part, after all, of the "healthier lifestyle" thing).

In any case, I hope that the "click" will occur for you soon, and that you can find a way that suits you to lose the weight permanently.
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Old 06-11-2005, 05:31 AM   #6
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Hi there, most of us here share your story, always being bigger than the norm, trying everything to slim down but not being able to stick at a plan. This time, I'm doing it alone. I too have read Dr Phil (he is great - a bit annoying at times, and I have been known to yell at him whilst reading - but hey!)

Basically I eat sensibly and exercise a lot. There is masses of help out there, these gals and guys are fab and if you have a question there is inevitably someone who can help you out!

Everyone has said what I was going to say, that you need to get it, it needs to click, and then you are on your way and there is no stopping you. My big tip is, that you need to come from a point of positivity not self desperation. That you need to be doing this to become a better you not an acceptable you.

Despite whether you can see it or not, you are beautiful, I am envious of your hair and facial features and you upper body has great shape (I couldn't see your lower one so don't take that negatively!!!!!!!)

If you need a buddy just holler (I am in England so you will probably have a delayed response from me - as I am asleep when you are awake etc.)
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Old 06-11-2005, 06:20 AM   #7
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i have to agree with what the first responder said. i gave up on diets ages ago and realised that if i'm going to lose weight i need to follow something that's easy to stick to, has variety and that means a complete change in lifestyle.

so now i follow the rosemary Conley plan (www.rosemary-conley.co.uk) and i find i like it. all it means is less than 5% fat whic his so easy. you dont miss out cos you get a treat every day if you want it. and it does work. i've lost 3 stone so far though i've had a little break lately but am just getting back on to it and in to the exercise again.

sometimes it just takes one little thing to make you realise what you've been doing wrog. and it different for all of us. not everything suits everyone but i do think it's a lifestyl change rather than trying to follow a diet.
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Old 06-11-2005, 08:46 AM   #8
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First of you are very very pretty and sounds like you have a great head on the shoulders and just need some work on how you see yourself and just need to understand that there is a variety out there for food options you just need to learn about them and give them a try.
I would for a couple weeks write down everything you eat. protein calories fat,,, So you can see what and how much of it your eating.
Make it a point to make exersise a priorty like you do when you take a shower. Go work out and after about 5 minutes you will feel good that you took that time to work out.
Read all you can go to the library check out many diffrent books look thru many diffrent magazines and read up and learn about what the weight is doing to your body and what you can do to eliminate it from your life.
You will have to change your life and put yourself first. When you can do that things will happen. Slowly but surely. Keep on working at it and we all can understand where your coming from and can also lend a supportive note when you need it.
As for letting up on your life style change you are either stressed out, worried and not paying attention to yourself. Always put your self first and think do I need to eat or drink something now dont I have to hurry up with this task so I can go work out when im supposed to.
Stress will certainly cause a havioc on your days but you can get thru them stick to your plans and remember you are worth the effort.
Good Luck and Congrats.

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Old 06-11-2005, 11:28 AM   #9
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You've gotten a lot of good advice and all I can say after finally figureing out how to stay on a successful diet plan after years of failure is the key is finding a plan where you DON'T feel deprived. The only thing I really miss is Pizza Hut pepperoni lovers pan pizza. Everything else I've found an acceptable substitute for, or something else I love more which is healthy instead of fattening. If you feel deprived, you risk failure or a life of constant sacrifice which most people can't endure.

There are soooo many plans out there. Find one that works for you. If plans don't work (and they sometimes won't) you can do what I am doing. I have no "plan" yet I am losing weight more easily than I ever thought possible by simply eating delicious meals which I've prepared full of things that *I* want to eat. The only way I limit myself is by keeping the meals healthy, balanced (and most importantly) within my calorie range. I don't even plan my meals out for the week. I just keep a stock of healthy supplies in the kitchen and eat whatever I am in the mood for. In the end, I feel like I am eating as I always have and I don't feel like I am really dieting and so it's a shock to me everyime I get on the scale and realize I am losing. I've been going strong for a month (the longest I have EVER successfully "dieted" in my life) and I am not bored, or feeling like a martyre.
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Old 06-11-2005, 11:45 AM   #10
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i am currently reading a book by a person named jorge cruise. it talks about body image, both internal and external contributers..i just started to read it, but would recommend it as a great emotional tool to all, the book in entitled "8 minutes in the morning" . here's hoping for both of us..
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Old 06-14-2005, 10:12 AM   #11
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Hi everyone!!
Thank you SO very much for all of your responses! I am so happy to have found this site! Well, most people who are overweight have the problem of overeating. I - on the other hand - usually only eat one to two meals a day and don't snack. One problem is that the meals I do eat are usually fast food....chicken nuggets, french fries, etc......BAD BAD BAD. And I am also extremely lazy! (at least I actually admit it now!) I HATE to excercise. And I work all the time, so when I am not working, the last thing I want to do is excercise. I just don't know. My priorities are all out of wack, I guess. I have a horrible self image, I'm lazy - which means I hate to excercise and to cook..... I am just a recepie for weight loss disaster! I am going to try to get some of these books to see if they might help. But hopefully ya'lls advice and support will get me going in the right direction. By the way....how do you get the weight loss goal calculator at the bottom of your posts? I would love to be able to have that to help chart my progress (assuming that there is some!!) Thank you so much!
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Old 06-14-2005, 10:38 AM   #12
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I know having a fulltime job and trying to find a time to workout is very hard.
That was always my exscuse.
I always thought I dont have the time I have to work the midnight shift get up get the son from school feed him then clean this house and or do the lawn and then I have to head into work by the time Ive done what I needed to do. But I didnt do what i needed to do. My house comes second. And of course it shows inside. But no one comes over and I will get clean if need be.
My workout always comes first. I make it a point to get to that gym even if I dont want to go I go. Rain cold what ever Im there. And afterward I feel so much better for it. Instead of saying your lazy which your not you just have alot on the plate and you need to organize it a little more so you can make sure you get your workouts in. I can tell you I fight myself all the way up to the gym I will say im not working out like I noramlly do im taking it easy. But when I get up there and ive started on what ever I get into it and Im off and running and doing my thing like I always do sweating and working it good.
You need to be eating more then you are. Eat your larger meals ever 5 to six hours but in between eat your two snacks so your eating at least 5 times a day. Eating right and eating the right amounts does make a difference.
Your body needs that food for its energry which is where you might take it as being lazy and all it is is your body needed more fuel to keep you going and moving .
Cooking is something I hate to but when you learn some easy 15 minute or less cooking ideas that will help.
As for the tracker thingie id you go up to the top of the page and you can go to the USER CP which is your control panel
you will want to get into the signature area and you can find the link to make one and it will give you the code to copy and place in your signature and you will need to update it as you go along.
Hope this helps
Cin
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Old 06-14-2005, 10:54 AM   #13
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Hi Lauren-I'm new to the site also. I've been on all the same diets as you. I've been up and down so many times, it's crazy. Finally, I'm not following any "diet". I'm eating healthier and trying to exercise (mostly walking). I know how you feel. It's a scary, desperate, lonely feeling. I think that's why this board is great. It let's you know your not alone. I've read both books suggested. I've learned something from both. They are woth reading. Also the library is a great place to get books. The best thing I can recommend is to try to see what worked for you with every diet you've tried ,then put it all together. Like when I did LAWL I learned that protein really helps me stay satisfied. WW taught me how to balance my eating and that "bad" food is okay if you limit it and count it into your daily calorie needs. As far as exercise I have tapes but I really don't enjoy them. I seem to really stick with a walking plan. It's free too. Maybe you can find something you like and do it. As long as you're moving I think that's the most important thing about exercise. I know you said your lazy but I used to feel that way too. Sometimes still do, everyone does. Maybe when you change your diet a little bit you'll have more energy. I know that fast food sits like a rock and all the fat just slows me down. I like to eat out too, but maybe you could limit it to once a week, then once a month and so on. As far as not cooking there are lots of convenient things out now. I like lean cuisine's spa classics. I add extra veggies(frozen) and it's pretty good. There are so many helpful ideas on this site.
I think we think really terrible things about ourselves sometimes, because of something stupid we may have heard from someone else. It's really easy to do in a society that says you are weak, wothless, ugly, etc., etc. if you are overweight. Just remember you are beautiful no matter what you weigh. And you deserve to be healthy.Which doesn't mean you have to be skinny. Just healthy. And happy. I know you can do it. We all can. Don't give up.
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Old 06-14-2005, 10:59 AM   #14
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Hi!

I just wanted to say that all over the world (me, I'm in France), people are experiencing the same things you do, you are not alone.
That said, the best advice I can give you is start educating yourself on food and exercise issues, find out what works for you and what not. I know this isn't easy, but you might even find it fun to see what works for u.
Remember, we are all unique, and what works for one does not necessarily work for another, but there ARE basic rules. Start working from there.
You will also find real good advice on www.stumptuous.com, working out, eating, etc adapted to women. + explanations.

Hope this makes you feel better
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Old 06-14-2005, 11:02 AM   #15
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To get the weight tracker you go to user cp in the purple box above the threads. Then choose edit signature. Then you click on the weight tracker thing. and it will give yu the rest of the instructions. Hope that helps.
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