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"compliments" that aren't?

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Old 06-10-2005, 12:32 AM   #1
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Default "compliments" that aren't?

Does anyone else get these as you lose weight? I hate it! A friend of mine commented that I'd lost a little bit of weight. I can't really see it so I asked how he could tell, and he said "well your face is less puffy."

What am I supposed to say to that? I know that he meant well, he's just not very good at compliments. Still, isn't there a nicer way to say that? Perhaps, "it shows in your face" or something? Not "your face is less puffy."
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Old 06-10-2005, 12:51 AM   #2
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Eh, I think it's a guy thing. My guy friends insult me without knowing it constantly.

A guy I know said, "Wow.. You're like .. not fat and ugly anymore. You're hot," which kinda peeved me until he added the hot thing. My older brother, who lives to annoy me, said, "Wow! You only have ONE chin now!"
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Old 06-10-2005, 01:33 AM   #3
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I think the best way to think of it is that they didn't notice anything until your physical aspects change. They notise the contrast, I think.

My boyfriend once grabbed my butt and went "Whoa! It actually is firm now!" (oh the horrors..) I guess it was pretty squishy beforehand..haha, but at least (a) he noticed, and (b) it was in a good way.
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Old 06-10-2005, 04:19 AM   #4
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Men!!!! I am trying to teach the guys at my gym to give tactful compliments, with mixed success!!!!! Men just don't understand our hang-ups and they say stuff that to them sounds completely neutral, but to us is loaded and negative.

My boyfriend said to me the other week, oh your legs aren't nearly as bad now that you have started exercising - yeah, thanks for that!!! Oh and the classic, "oh my goodness you can see your pubes when you stand up, your stomach doesn't hang over them quite so much"

Sigh.......
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Old 06-10-2005, 05:14 AM   #5
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Oh good grief! Some of these comments are just plain pathetic! These guys really need some help!

I guess I'm luckier than I thought. My husband is living and working hours away from me, and has been for the last year. We talk on the phone in the evenings, and I see him about every other weekend. Sometimes, even at this distance he can really make me wonder WHAT I was thinking when I got together with him. But today he was lovely. I've just recently reached the weight I was when I met him, and I was telling him that I bought some clothes that fit me better and wore them out today and got tons of compliments and it made feel so good. He said, in this "well, duh!" voice, "That certainly doesn't surprise me! I've always thought you had a beautiful shape. In fact, even at your highest weight, you just looked plain GOOD to me." Wow! Sometimes he blows me away!

But he ain't seen nuthin' yet! I'm going to go the distance and really blow him away!
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Old 06-10-2005, 08:47 AM   #6
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eep! I definetly think it's a guy thing. Men have absolutely no tact, but if it makes you feel any better I think his heart was in the right place....still "puffy" is one adjective a man should *NEVER* use to describe a woman.
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Old 06-10-2005, 09:28 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kykaree
Oh and the classic, "oh my goodness you can see your pubes when you stand up, your stomach doesn't hang over them quite so much"

Sigh.......
HAHAHAHAHA!! I have never heard that but it gave me the funniest mental picture--I can't describe it, I might get kicked off the board. LOL Note to self--don't read 3FC board at work or you will frighten your office mates with bursts of uncontrollable laughter...
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Old 06-10-2005, 09:55 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by konstine
My boyfriend once grabbed my butt and went "Whoa! It actually is firm now!"
My boyfriend said almost the exact same thing to me! He was a little more tactful though, it was more like "Hey, your butt is getting pretty firm!" and said more in a "good job!" sort of way. He keeps telling me I should be careful not to get too pumped up or lose too much weight, because he likes my belly and arms and stuff to be soft! He was like "if you get your stomach all firm, I won't be able to use it for a pillow anymore!"
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Old 06-10-2005, 10:04 AM   #9
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There is no question about it, guys can be amazingly dense when it comes to complimenting women. However, we sometimes dig our own holes by fishing for more than we asked for (unintentionally, of course!). By asking how he could tell instead of ending with, "I have lost weight, thanks for noticing." you probably caught him of guard. He wasn't prepared to think past his own nose so he spurted out what he was REALLY thinking. Just remember, the important thing is that he noticed - not HOW he noticed.

Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying you did anything wrong. But after many years of marriage and having two sons, I've learned the hard way that there is ALWAYS risk in asking guys a loaded question (Do I look fat in these jeans?) LOL.
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Old 06-10-2005, 10:23 AM   #10
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I once weighed over 200 lbs.....and work in a large medical facility....I was writing at the counter by the nurse's station and one of the doctors yells across the clinic "WOW,YOU SURE HAVE LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT!!!!" Needless to say, there were about 15 people who heard him....I was mortified. He thought he was being complimentary....

So I walked up to him and said (quietly)..."Oh so you thought I was a fat pig before?"

he wound up bringing me starbucks every morning for a month or two.
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Old 06-10-2005, 10:25 AM   #11
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I'm going to agree with the "it's a guy thing" aspect and approach this from a different angle. I ran into an old high school buddy of mine about 3 years after high school. I was 132 when I left high school. I was over 160 when we met again. The first words out of his mouth were "Dang girl! What happened? You used to look GOOD in high school!" Followed by a quick and pathetic back peddle of "Uhhh, I mean, ummm, I didn't mean it that way!" All I could do was burst out laughing at how red his face was upon realizing how that had come out.

Now he saw me progress over the years to my highest weight up until I moved away. So when I went to visit the family back in September, I stopped in to see him. The first words out of his mouth were "Dang girl! You're TOO skinny!" He didn't back peddle on that one. LOL!
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Old 06-10-2005, 12:12 PM   #12
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Yep, it's guys!! My male best friend, ironically enough his name is Guy, told me yesterday..."Nan, you look SO much BETTER!". I just looked at him. I couldn't respond. So I smiled and walked away. He doesn't understand that I hear what he is saying as, "You used to look SO HORRIBLE!". I understand that I was a little heavier a month ago but I didn't think I look that terrible. Oh well, at least my husband understood that it was mean And he on the other hand always says THE MOST WONDERFUL things to me. He compliments me ALL of the time! The only thing he is bummed about are my boobs getting smaller
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Old 06-10-2005, 08:50 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by leannealise
The only thing he is bummed about are my boobs getting smaller
It's a guy thing.
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Old 06-11-2005, 05:13 AM   #14
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I for one can hardly wait til someone says something to me. Anything I dont care. I just want it to be noticable. Because when the day come when somebody says gee you've lost a lot of weight you look good now. I am going to stand tall and say "YEP!! I SURE DO!!!!" I will have worked hard for it and by golly I will have EARNED IT. You ladies be PROUD of your weight losses!!!!!!! You want them to notice, YOU HAVE EARNED IT!!!!!! They're MEN who cares how they say it, as long as they say it.
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Old 06-11-2005, 05:18 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jawsmom
Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying you did anything wrong. But after many years of marriage and having two sons, I've learned the hard way that there is ALWAYS risk in asking guys a loaded question (Do I look fat in these jeans?) LOL.
LOL I was walking with my dh in the city and walked passed a big window, I was wearing a slinky knit t-shirt which I didn't realise but made my bum too enormous. I said to dh "oh my goodness I didn't realise this top was so unflattering and makes my bum look huge", dh looks at me and says "you look no worse in that than you do in any of your other clothes"

I was completely devastated!!!! Until I realised he was trying to say "don't worry you look fine in whatever you wear" but it soooooooooooo didn't come out like that!!!!! My dh has been married twice before - you think he would have learnt something by now!!!!!
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