Totally a guy thing
I can not post how I was refered about my weight loss in my stomach area as it is just to bad.
but yes the butt not to big thing,, or dont lose it in the chest ... I can now poke your belly button..... ( Like I want you to any how ).... You have less flab under your arms now... Yeah i have heard a bunch.. Men can be real morons sometimes but getting them trying to make up for their big mouths can also be worth it when your getting dinner made and roses and all the other perks called BIG MOUTH PERK
I WISH it was just a guy thing. My own MOTHER said this to me: "I'm glad you're losing weight, you were starting to look raunchy. You look SOO much better NOW"
That, of course, was probably when I weighed about 150lbs less than I do know. At the time I thought...My own MOTHER thinks I'm ugly? I MUST be disgusting!! I was still an insecure teen at the time so it totally devastated me. I won't blame my mother, because she didn't force the food in my mouth, but at the time I spiraled into a terrible depression and gained about 30lbs right away.
It's funny, NOW I am sooo much more confident even though I am soooo much fatter. I don't give a rats arse what OTHER people think of my looks. I'm not doing this for anyone but myself and my health.
I think it really is a guy thing. And really I AM glad that someone noticed. Thankfully this was not my husband. He's well trained and has cheered me on every step and ounce of the way so far. He tells me that I'm even hotter now and compliments me often. He is a wonderful inspiration. So at least I have hope that my son will know how to compliment properly .
jawsmom, I completely understand your point. I probably did catch him off guard a little bit. He caught me off guard too! I hadn't been able to see any change at all up to that point. I am starting to notice a little bit now, which is exciting. It's not that big a deal really. I've been friends with this guy longer than I've known my husband so I know that he really did mean well, and that makes me feel better. Plus, as you said, what matters is that he noticed at all.
Hehe, that's funny.... it's not solely guy territory, though. My (girl) friend saw me at the gym the other day and said "Wow, you look great!! You're getting so skinny, wow.....I mean, not that you were like a total pig before or anything, I just mean you look great!!"
It sounds like your future daughter in law is going to be in good hands. And you are lucky to have your husband behind you 100%. I know I could never have made it as far as I have without the support of mine. Bless his heart. He compliments me so sincerely and in such a nice manner. It is the conversation AFTER his compliments that go awry and that is ALWAYS my fault.
I have never told my husband how much I weighed. I mentioned the other day that once I get to my goal weight I want him to guess how much I weighed when I started. Oh, the look of horror on this poor man's face. He has flat out refused to participate and I can't say that I blame him! On second thought I agreed with him that it was a bad idea. I'd probably be offended if he guessed correctly!
Men - I guess they think that if we ask them a question we want to hear the TRUTH! LOL.
Of course I have some of my own to add. At a friend of mine's wedding a couple of years ago an older gentleman that I had not seen for a while approached me and said "Wow girl you have really been packing it on since I last saw you." I just looked at him and said "You know that really wasn't nice." Oh well what are ya gonna do.
I work with nearly all men and one of them said to me that I was looking really nice and asked how much weight I had lost so I told him and then said that I was looking to lose about another 35 lbs and he said "Do you have enough weight on your frame to lose that much more? What are you trying to do get back to what you weighed in high school?" I told him no I would have to lose another 65 lbs to be at my high school weight. God Bless him, I felt so good after he said that.
My favorite non weight loss "compliment" is when a guy would come up to me and say "Hey you're not too bad lookin' for a redhead." to which my response would be "Really, you're not too bad lookin' for an ******* either!"
Bwahahaha! "Not too bad lookin for an a-hole", I love it!
I hate to pick on the guys (well, not really ) but have you ever noticed how they interact with each other? I have heard my hubby and his best friends saying things to each other that, if my best friend had said to me, I'd cry or kick her a**! One of his buddies came over and said to him, "Dude, she's feedin you real good, huh." and smacked him on the gut. Then they just laughed. WTH?
oh, here's an even better example. I noticed that every time my hubby would talk on the phone to one of his friends (one he's had since childhood), he'd be like, "Hey, cap'n hook, whatcha doin" the same way I'd say to my best friend, "hey chick, whatcha doin". So after awhile of course I HAD to ask why he was nicknamed "captain hook". He told me his friend had a very crooked, er, part, and they had always picked on him about it since elementary. Huh? If my best friend made a cute nickname out of one of my flaws... wahhh!
Yet another friend he calls "FatJoe', like that, all in one word. They have always called him that. He doesn't mind, doesn't even seem to notice. Like it was his actual name.
I guess most guys are less inclined to... take physical attributes as seriously as we do. They don't sit there and pick apart every word someone says. They didn't spend buttloads of time and energy in high school trying to interpret every comment someone made about their physical appearance. I did. Now the only person's comments I pick apart are my husband's.
The worst one he gave me was, I had just bought a pair of size 11/12 jeans, and i have not been able to get in that size jeans for 12 years. I had been busting my butt with diet and exercise, and finally saw a tiny fruit of my labor. They didn't look great, but they did fit, and I was basking in the glory of just that, until.... da-da-da-daaaa! Along comes Chris and says, "Wow! once you get rid of that roll right there (actually points to it) those will look perfect!"
Of course he didn't understand why that made me cry.
Last edited by FerretNose; 06-12-2005 at 11:24 PM.
HeHe, I like this tread! My fiancee doesn't really give me any complients.. he's more like "I don't want you to loss anymore, I like you the way you are. Want to go eat Mcdonalds??"
I did get one bad complient tho, a girl from work said "wow, you gut is getting a little smaller" I kno she meant well, but the wording wasn't quite right.
I know I'm going against the grain here, but I don't really see what is wrong with most of these compliments. I'm fat. I know that by the standards of this culture, I don't look as good as someone who is of healthy weight. Yes, I have a large gut, and double chin, and puffy face.
As I go through the process of losing weight, I'm *hoping* that someone notices that the above are gone! I'm certainly not going to look for ways to be offended when people compliment me for looking better than I did before.
I'm not trying to be hostile here, but I really don't see what the complaint is here.
tealeaf, I think you raise a good question. I guess for me, the issue is not so much whether or not I have a gut, or double chin, or a puffy face, it's that I think there's a nicer way to compliment than to point out that I have those things. Does that make any sense? Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that my friend noticed. I just think that there's a nicer way for him to say he noticed than to point out that yes, I really am fat and have a puffy face. I know I do, he knows I do, but that doesn't mean I want to hear about it when I'm trying to stay motivated to change that. KWIM?
My main complaint is that there is a nice way to say something and a not so nice way to say something. I personally would rather be told that I look really good vs being told that I don't look like such a fat pig anymore. Call me crazy but a compliment should be just that...a COMPLIMENT. I don't want to feel worse after getting one, I would rather feel better.
For me, it's kind of like the time in 5th grade when I was struggling really hard to keep my math grade up. I mean really hard. All my other grades were great, but that one. I studied and practiced till my brain was going to explode and my eyeballs were falling out, for weeks.
Then I finally got my report card. On the bus ride home I was so happy it made me giddy. I had gotten a high C, which brought up my grade from a high F! yay me! Then I run inside to show the card to my daddy, who I thought the sun rose and set upon... and I hear "Well that's okay, hon, but I'll be really impressed when it's an A." Be impressed now! Didn't you notice how hard I worked?
I can honestly overlook less than glowing compliments from an aquaintance, coworker, whatever. But when it's coming from someone whose opinion truly has an impact on my self-esteem,(parents, husband, child, younger cousins who look up to me, best friends) it can be a huge letdown, making me feel like I'll never get there, and I'm just going to fail and fail.
I know some people can take a compliment and enjoy it, no matter what angle it comes from. I would like to feel that way as well, and I have been working for years to take people more at their word. It's a smidgen of co-dependency, when it comes to my husband. I let his (perceived on my part) behavior dictate my self-esteem sometimes. Used to be all the time, but he told me it was unfair to him and to myself that the burden of my emotional well being rest on him alone. He made a rule in which there is no putting down on myself or my body in our household. He has banished what he calls the "itty bitty shitty committee". I'm not cured yet, but I'm much better.
Damn, that man is wise for being only 37 years old. Lost of men would turn such a weakness to their advantage!
Okay Val (Mom of 3), I cracked up when I read your post: "you don't look bad for an *******" I didn't even realize it was you at first! Here I am on a completely different thread, and you are still cracking me up! You are the greatest!
By the way, that reminds me of a story from years ago. I was in a play and was helping work on the set and I was wearing my glasses, which I didn't do very often then. It was contacts most of the time. Anyway,this guy I had only met a few days before (a dancer and a carpenter for the theater) comes up to me, and right in front of a bunch of other people I was just getting to know, says, "Wow! You look so much more intelligent with your glasses on." For the first (and probably only) time in my life, I actually had an instant and perfect response. I turned to him and said, "Really? Well, that's interesting, because, you know...you don't look ANY more intelligent when I have my glasses on!" He was stunned for a moment, and then started laughing and said, "Touche'!" We became friends after that, although later that year I had to chastise him privately for telling a mutual friend that he thought he'd really like to be in a relationship with me if I just lost a little weight. Um...I weighed like 135-140 lbs at that time and looked pretty darned good. Hard to please and a jerk. Not my type.
Me and my friend from work have both been dieting and she has pretty good sized breasts, anyway, one of our team leads comes over to talk to us and he's staring at her chest and she's like "what are you looking at?" and he's like "you've been lossing weight!" Now, there's a man for ya!
It hurts, it all hurts, but I'm too the point where I'm just numb. My grandma recently was talking to me about weight loss and I told her I had been bulimic for 2 years (hoping that she could realize some of my food issues...) and she lit up and said "oh does that work? I've been thinking of trying that, of course my weight has never been as serious a problem as yours...." ouch. what do you say to that?
... I can now poke your belly button..... ( Like I want you to any how ).... You have less flab under your arms now... Yeah i have heard a bunch.. Men can be real morons sometimes but getting them trying to make up for their big mouths can also be worth it when your getting dinner made and roses and all the other perks called BIG MOUTH PERK 
and has cheered me on every step and ounce of the way so far. He tells me that I'm even hotter now and compliments me often. He is a wonderful inspiration. So at least I have hope that my son will know how to compliment properly 
) but have you ever noticed how they interact with each other? I have heard my hubby and his best friends saying things to each other that, if my best friend had said to me, I'd cry or kick her a**! One of his buddies came over and said to him, "Dude, she's feedin you real good, huh." and smacked him on the gut. Then they just laughed. WTH? 
Be impressed now! Didn't you notice how hard I worked?
He was stunned for a moment, and then started laughing and said, "Touche'!" We became friends after that, although later that year I had to chastise him privately for telling a mutual friend that he thought he'd really like to be in a relationship with me if I just lost a little weight. 
Um...I weighed like 135-140 lbs at that time and looked pretty darned good. 
Hard to please and a jerk. Not my type.
