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How Do I Handle People's Reaction to the New Me?

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Old 05-31-2005, 10:33 PM   #1
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Question How Do I Handle People's Reaction to the New Me?

I lost quite a bit of weight, but when I was larger I basically made myself invisible. People saw through me, they did not actually see me.

Now I am slimmer and look much better and I am getting people's attention. So, how do I handle this new found attention? My husband thinks I am hot, but he thought that when I was fat. He loved me when I was fat and he loves me still, just as I am.

But I am getting reaction from other males. Men approach me when I am grocery shopping, they approach me at work. Just today a man at work expressed interest in me! What is up with all this? The lady I work with laughs because she says I have no clue. I am so wrapped up in my husband I don't even notice when man comes on to me until someone says something. My kids, friends, co workers point it out and I am blindsided. I am just floored when man approaches me.

I don't know how to react. I never get flustered, but when this happens I am speechless! I don't know what to say or how to act. I just tend to smile, thank them for their comments (unless they are obnoxious, then I just walk quickly away) and say my husband agrees with them. I am totally loyal to him and have no desire to pursue anyone else. But I feel like I come off as totally dorky. They appreciate the fact that I love my husband and am loyal to him, but they laugh and make comments at how I blush, stammer and get flustered.

How do you handle the "new you?"
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Old 05-31-2005, 11:57 PM   #2
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WTG on the loss. acept the comments. glen
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Old 06-01-2005, 12:11 AM   #3
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I'm starting to have the same problem. Men staring at me all the time, comments, etc. I was pretty much "invisible" before, but I'm not any longer. I was freaked out the other night when I came home from a friend's house...I was walking along the sidewalk towards my front door and noticed 2 men walking towards me. When they got up to me, the one closest to me leaned towards me and said "hello" in a strange voice. I said nothing and I noticed that I didn't hear their footsteps anymore...they had stopped walking. I quickened my pace, through open the front door and locked everything. Even looked out the peephole. I mean, I was probably over-reacting, but still.

Why, 2 weeks ago, I was at my parents' house hanging out with my younger brother and some of his friends. I'm engaged, but my fiance didn't feel like being social that night. I walked in and one of my brother's friends, who I've known since he was 10 years old (he's 22 now), says to me, "You look great". I thanked him. Then he said, "You're hot!" I thanked him again. And THEN he said, "I'd sleep with you!". I was shocked. Talk about a compliment gone wild.

I don't know how to react or how to accept compliments and stuff either. Plus, how to deal with the unwanted attention and unwanted compliments.
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Old 06-01-2005, 12:30 AM   #4
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I know what you mean! It just blows me away! When I was thin, before I "blew up" I was accustomed to the attention. But as time wore on and I got comfortable and invisible I forgot how to handle it. My husband thinks it is great that men tell him he has a hot wife. I get embarrassed. My philosophy has been for so long that beauty can fade but you can only get smarter. I relied on my intelligence as my looks went south. Now I have looks and intelligence and I am apparently not smart enough to know what to do with them! Is this crazy or what?!

To Glen, thanks. I am trying to accept the compliments, but I just get so embarrassed and for some insane reason this seems to encourage the men and be more attractive to them! What is up with that?

I live in the south so many men down here treat women like property. When I lived up north I did not have men react to me in such a blatant fashion. I actually had a man in the grocery store parking lot the other night walk up to me and describe in explicit detail what he wanted to do to me! I mean, aren't there laws against that? I do not dress sexy or anything. I dress nice, but I am not inviting men to approach me. It just messes with my head.

Siren, I would have just died right there! I bet that blew your mind! How many shades of red did you turn?
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Old 06-01-2005, 01:25 AM   #5
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That is absolutley shocking Siren and Mrs P - it's sexual harassment (I don't know what the laws are like in the US but it certainly would be unacceptable here in Oz!). If it's an appreciative compliment that makes you feel good (if a little abashed) that's ok, but these incidents sound appalling and a bit frightening. Threaten to call the police if any stranger speaks to you like that, and if you know the person, tell them it's not a compliment to be spoken to in such a disrespectful way. I love it too that my DH is so thrilled to have a hot wife, but I won't be treated in a threatening or disrespectful way and you don't have to be either
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Old 06-01-2005, 09:32 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cemetarysiren25
And THEN he said, "I'd sleep with you!". I was shocked. Talk about a compliment gone wild.
That's not a complement. That's just vulgarity. And you can respond by telling him that wasn't appropriate.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Partridge
I live in the south so many men down here treat women like property. When I lived up north I did not have men react to me in such a blatant fashion.
I wasn't the only one noticed that? It's a southern thang I guess. Southern men are just a bit more, errr crude and blatant at times. Northern men are more laid back I guess. I was shocked when a guy actually whistled at me in a parking lot up north. First time for everything. He must've been from down south. LOL

Like Glen said though. If they're actual comments, and not just crude vulgarity, accept them. Heck, you can even beam about them, appreciate them. Doesn't mean you don't love your husband. I love my husband dearly, but getting whistled at by a stranger can leave me thinking "WAY TO GO!" It's acknowledgement of your accomplishment, a reminder of how hard you worked to get here. Look at it in that light and perhaps you'll have a more positive outlook on the next comment from a guy and will respond better just because you feel better about it.
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Old 06-01-2005, 10:21 AM   #7
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Back, a few months ago, a guy I was dating, one of his friends came up to me and started talking to me and stuff, and I didn't think anything of it. He gave me his phone number and I gave him mine. I'd never dated before the guy I was going out with at the time. Later that night, my b/f told me that his friend was only talking to me because he said I was "hot" and that he was going to "hook up" with me, and that's the only reason he wanted my number. I think it's like a bright light or something that when guys now find out that I've been in the True Love Waits program since I was practically born, they flock to me and you know why - they think there's something wrong with me for my wanting to remain a virgin til I marry. Like you guys, when I was much bigger, I was completely invisible to the opposite sex and had never dated til November of last year and I was 23. I am really new to the dating thing and I don't know how to react to things. Not that I was sheltered or anything like that, but I was always so busy with church, youth group, Spanish club, band, etc. in high school that I never had time for anything outside of school. I just try to never take my eyes off God and know that he's never going to lead me in the wrong direction.

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Old 06-01-2005, 12:08 PM   #8
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I get lots of comments about my weight loss, but not many compliments. I have some relatives who are heavy and I think they're jealous of me. My SIL told me I can't lose any more weight, and my aunt told me I was a brat for losing weight. My aunt was joking, but I still felt bad! I guess we'll just have to ignore the negativity and know that we're doing the right thing by losing weight.
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Old 06-02-2005, 08:39 AM   #9
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hi to all the barbie dolls. is that your picture mrs. p ? if it is you are cute. if you get un wanted comments tell him you'll call the police and charge him with harassment..
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Old 06-02-2005, 09:29 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cemetarysiren25
"You look great". I thanked him. Then he said, "You're hot!" I thanked him again. And THEN he said, "I'd sleep with you!". I was shocked. Talk about a compliment gone wild.
OK, my co-workers officially think I'm crazy for busting out laughing as they walked by my office.... Thanks for the chuckle!!

*EDIT* OK, after posting this I saw how many of you were offended by this comment--yes, it was vulgar, but understand it was a 22-yr-old guy hanging out with his other guy friends too. Guys that age aren't exactly subtle (coming from a 22-yr-old SOUTHERN gal here)...
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Old 06-02-2005, 12:40 PM   #11
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Oh, that comment wasn't offensive to me...I've known the kid for over 10 years now. I'm only 25 myself! But, yeah, it was just an unexpected thing coming from one of my brother's friends!!

The other stuff is what worries me....living in a city and having creepy guys stare at me and make comments. Not cool.
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Old 06-05-2005, 05:36 PM   #12
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Um ... I am native southerner and I find northern men MUCH more aggressive and crude.

As for the original question ... I would say your response of "my husband agrees" is just fine, regarless of how flustered you feel. Don't worry about coming off as a dork or whatever, if anyone judges your reaction that's their problem, not yours.
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