[Solus]

I don't know which is worse...

The fact that I had a diet "snafu" last night or that my "binge" was so utterly pathetic.

I was upset yesterday morning because I was up a pound when I stepped on the scale. I stayed good most of the day but late in the evening I was feeling irritated and grumpy. I was making lunch for my fiancée and put in it the last few slices of full-fat cheese that existed in the house. There was one slice left after I made his lunch. I took a small bite and was like..."oh my GOD that's GOOD!" and then snarfed the whole thing. (5g fat!) Then I said, "Screw it, I need an off day" so....I ate about 2 cups of low-fat croûtons. Then to be really rebellious, I ditched water and drank a glass big glass of ORANGE JUICE.

Oh, will the sin never cease?

Man, where are the tostitos and cheese-dip when you NEED them, eh?

So, I didn't break down and melt dark chocolate, honey, peanut butter and graham crackers in a big bowl like I SERIOUSLY considered doing. But...only because that would have been too much work.

Well, I guess it could have been worse. I DID go well over my calorie and fat limits for the day. I didn't even bother getting on the scale this morning. (coward) The thing is, if I was going to cheat, why couldn't I have cheated with a steak?

...and what bothers me about the whole thing is that I felt all angry and rebellious while I was doing it. I was thinking "Yeah, what do you think of THAT, huh?" (munch munch)

But who was I rebelling against? It was MY choice to lose weight.
Who was I punishing? The world at large? Myself, for gaining a pound? (cause eating is a GREAT way to punish oneself for gaining weight)

And I realized, I know this. I've been here before. I've intentionally done self-destructive things to myself in more ways than just in diet with an a sense of angry satisfaction. Like hurting myself was getting back at someone who'd wronged me.

But....I don't know who I am getting back AT!

Oh...I am sooo screwed up.

[jillybean720]

You're not "so screwed up." I do the same thing. Frustration is one of the main emotions that leads to overeating. It doesn't make sense if you stop and think about it--I gain weight, get mad, and eat more! But it happens. I think we've all been there.

Are you weighing yourself every day? If you are--CEASE AND DESIST! Also, DON'T weigh yourself the day after a binge (even if your binge does only consist of cheese, oj, and croutons). Any deviation from your plan could cause you to retain more water, which causes you to weigh more, but it's not actually fat you've gained. It should disappear after a few days of being back on plan. Weighing yourself every day is a recipe for disaster--entirely too many factors take part in your weight besides whether or not you are actually gaining or losing (hormones, TOM, water/sodium, muscle, etc.). I know most people here weigh themselves once a week. Some "experts" say that is even too frequent, that once every other week or once a month will give you a better idea of your actual progress.

Also, have you tried measuring yourself? Once every 6 weeks or so, get the measuring tape out. Sometimes, even if you've only maintained and not actually lost weight, you could have transformed some of your fat into muscle, which will be smaller. Therefore, you could be shrinkning a little bit without necessarily losing weight (hard to imagine sometimes, but true nonetheless).

In any case, don't let a splurge get you down. Don't splurge today just because you are down about having splurged yesterday--don't get stuck in that cycle! Instead, know that every day is a new day, and you can do everything in your power to make up today for what happened yesterday and to prevent it from happening again. On the brighter side, I bet yesterday's "splurge" of cheese, oj, and croutons was still a lot healthier than a ton of junk food you could have eaten, ya know? Chin up, and keep moving forward!

[Laurmom]

You know what? That is a hard place to come to. Where you really GET that you aren't being PUNISHED. That this is a CHOICE. It is very recent to me. This is my CHOICE. I CHOSE to eat this way. If I CHOSE to pig out, then it's my CHOICE. I am ONLY doing harm to ME. Being pissed off at my dh and eating because of it shows him exactly... oh yeah... NOTHING.
And I can SO relate to binging on STUPID FOOD. Uh... yeah... why don't I just pig out on oh I dunno... soy chips? PLEASE!!!! What a bunch of crap.

Anyway, all this to say, I completely understand. Hang in there. Today is a new day. All new choices ahead of you.

You can just call me Rebecca... you know... of Sunnybrook Farms?