Please Help!
 

Hello,

I just joined the forum. I really need help, I've been overweight all my life and was bulimic a long time ago. I lost 70 lbs that way and now I've regained them all back. I know it sounds terrible. When I met my husband I was slim and now that I weigh 40 lbs more, he told me he is not attracted to me anymore. There is nothing like hearing those words from your husband to get you going. I skipped dinner last night and worked out for 2 hours at the Y. I want to do this the right way and I know that skipping meals is not good for my metabolism.

It seems like all of you ladies are on Thin for Life diet book? I am very motivated but I don't know where to start. I tried LA Weightloss last year and lost 25 lbs, but gained it all back. I want to save my marriage. Does anyone have any suggestions on where to start. I am so confused about dieting. I went to bookstore and there are like a million books telling you what to eat and what not to eat. I'm just looking for some advice on a diet or a book. Please reply with any suggestions. Thanks.

Dissappointed but optimistic.

Hello and welcome to 3fc :wave:

My first suggestion is to go see your doctor for medical advice before you start any plan and to see if he/she can suggest a plan for you.

My second suggestion is to sit down and write down a list of healthy foods you do like to eat and what you will not eat (ie. I can't eat egg white so a plan with a 3-egg white omelet for breakfast is not doable :p ).

Thirdly: Think about your lifestyle. Do you have time to attend a meeting once per week?(i.e. Weight Watchers) Can you weigh in more than once a week? (L.A. Weightloss) Do you need a support group (Tops, WW etc?) Is there a facility near you? Can you afford to pay a fee every week? Are you better at flying solo (on-line WW or other group).

Do some research on several different plans. Check out a few books from the library or read about the plans on-line - check what kind of food is available, do you have to buy special food for a program or can you just shop at the grocery store for regular food? Are there menu suggestions and recipes provided in the book and if so are they easy to follow and simple to make? Do you have time to cook? Do you even like to cook? Are they meals that can be adapted for the rest of your family (cooking 2-3 meals gets very tiring and frustrating).

I find that I need to follow a plan that will go well with my lifestyle or I can't stick to it.

Will your husband support you with your weight loss? Have you talked about it with him. Also I know that you must have felt awful when he told you what he did but you have to lose the weight for you - no one else. :grouphug:

A couple of plans that I have tried -

Suzanne Somers : I liked the food and recipes overall but just couldn't stick to the food combining. :shrug:

Weight Watchers: I have had some success with this and have kept 15 lbs off but still need to reach my weight loss goal. This is the most flexible plan I have tried and it teaches you how to eat proper, well balanced meals and to exercise. You can eat from any food group and can enjoy eating out and an occasional treat and still stay on plan - but you have to do the work. The support from the leader and my group has been terrific.

South Beach Diet: I really liked this plan as well. It is more of a better carb rather than low carb diet. It encourages you to eat a lot of veggies, fish and lean meat, as well as whole wheat products over processed or heavily refined foods. The approach to eating fresh is great! :) phase 1 is difficult but Phase 2 introduces more food choices and more fruit.

I have been combining SBD and WW off and on for at least 6 months and although the scale is moving slowly I am noticing a difference in inches, my clothes are getting more loose and my general overall health has improved. :D

I have not done Dr.Phil's plan but have read his book. It was a good read and the plan seems pretty good overall. There is a Dr. Phil Group, a WW group and a South Beach Group (Fat Chicks on the Beach) on this forum if you want to check them out.

I have never done the thin for life program so I am afraid I can't give any input on that:(

I hope this helps you a bit. :)

Hi just me, mauvaisroux is right, you need to lose the weight for you. You should have a talk with hubby and tell him that you want to do this for yourself but you will need his support. I have been following the South Beach and have lost 6 pounds in the last three weeks. I post over on Fat chicks on the Beach. Check out all the info over there to see if it a plan that you could follow. Good luck.

Welcome to 3FC :)

I think a LOT of us have been where you are right now. I know I have! Losing and regaining weight...I've done that, believe me.

If you cruise around, you'll find that folks here are on a LOT of different programs and plans. You're seeing a lot about Thin for Life (which is not a 'diet' per se) because currently in our Maintainers Forum, Meg (who is maintaining a 120 lb weight loss!) is running a reader's group on this book. DEFINITELY worth a look - because what a lot of us maintainers and soon-to-be maintainers have found, it's not about a 'diet' that you follow for "X" amount of days/weeks/months, it's about a total lifestyle change - making PERMANENT changes in your nutrition and exercise, in a way that works for YOU.

Like I said...I'd totally recommend checking out Thin for Life (your library probably has it!) and hang out here at 3FC...you will learn SO much...and HAVE HOPE, because I'm LIVING proof that yes you CAN lose weight and keep it off PERMANENTLY!

You can SO do this!!!

Help
 

First, I want to congratulate you on being willing to even see that your weight is a problem for you. For my self I was unwilling to even look at the scale, denile is not as they say just a river in Egypt.
Second, I want to let you know that permanent weight loss IS achieveable, in a healthy and safe manner. I have had a weight issue for ALL of my life and after some serious health issues within my family I realized that I was not willing to be unhealthy anymore. It was/is so much more than an issue of loosing weight as it is an issue of total health. Including mental health which is the ability to love yourself enough to take time out for you. Currently I follow WW and will for the rest of my life. It works for me, even if this is the third time that I have followed the program. It is the only way that I have ever been able to lose weight safely. Currently I am 54#'s down and have about 45 more to go, but I am confident that I will achieve and maintain my goal because I am totally committed to my health.
Do not give up. Keep searching till you find the answer for what works for you. One major piece of advice that you probably already know is that there is no easy way out, you must exercise and eat right to lose weight. And no crazy unrealistic method is sustainable.
Onmiway2005

I'd like to second what everyone else has said: you can do this, and don't be afraid to ask for help. Your doctor is a great resource. Many medical plans offer some sort of weight-loss education program that can get you started. Also check out the Library for good reading material. You might consider joining a group like Weight Watchers. Their plan is designed to teach you all you need to know about healthy eating and exercise.

My other thought, if you don't mind my saying, is that if you're doing this to "save your marriage," as you say...if your marriage is really dependant on you losing weight, it might be the marriage more than the weight that needs some losing.

Amen to that one. My thoughts exactly. A marriage isn't based on just physical attraction...or shouldn't be. And I hope that you can talk with him and that he wasn't meaning it to hurt you, but you need to let him know that it does hurt, and probably does more to keep you from losing weight than it does to help you. You need support and a positive attitude, not a negative one. And what he said is very negative.

I'm sorry...but your husband...is pathetic. I really don't mean to sound so harsh...but he needs to grow up, a husband should love you unconditionally...

re. "I'm sorry...but your husband...is pathetic. I really don't mean to sound so harsh...but he needs to grow up, a husband should love you unconditionally..."

I know what you mean, but ... but the fact that he has been honest that he doesn't find her attractive anymore doesn't mean he doesn't love her.

In my own case, I have been blessed with a husband who found me sexy at 185 or 190 (which is where I was when we met), but - he can't deny that he finds me even more attractive now. He is very diplomatic & supportive (I really am lucky), but one day I said to him (when he was trying to give me a compliment without having it sound like "you look better now"), was "I KNOW I look better now, and I feel sexier now, so please don't feel that you have to pretend any different". (on the flip side, my husband has a gorgeous bod, but if he gained 80 pounds I'd love him just as much, but I don't doubt I wouldn't have quite the same reaction when I look at him now, which is "what a hottie!" ;)

And the other thing is, while it may be different for some people, when I am heavy and out of shape I simply don't feel like a truly attractive person most of the time. Often, I've gotten that way because I'm not feeling so great anyway, and the weight just compounds those negative emotions, and I take less good care of myself, and therefore the bottom line is that I really am not as attractive, physically or mentally. I know some people are different, some bloom at higher weights and take pride in themselves (I sure don't), but I think there are lots of others who kind of lose that spark. (okay, I'm babbling now).

cheerio,
Sue

Thanks to everyone for your input. My husband is really a nice man, I know he loves me regardless, I just feel unattractive myself. I'm sure he'll be more supportive. When we met I was 138, now I'm 185. I know I need to lose weight for myself, but I want to feel sexy for him.

I'm doing good with working out, I don't mind that at all. In fact, I find it takes the stress of the day off. It's the food that I'm struggling with. Because my metabolism is so slow, anything I eat right now makes me gain weight. I only eat about 1000 calories a day. I don't drink or eat desserts. I will definitely look into different diets because I just cannot figure it out on my own.

Thanks again for all your help. I am SO glad that I found this website and I don't have to do this on my own. I am looking forward to summer, hopefully I can look slim and tanned then. That's the goal!

If you are doing exercise often and only eating 1000 calories & still gaining, I would seek medical attention. 1000 calories is not enough for even daily (non-exercise) maintenance for your body, so maybe there is something else going on. Also, how are you tracking your calories? I find that unless I use a program to log every single bite I take, I wind up over or under estimating.
best of luck to you! Sue