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Old 10-28-2004, 07:06 PM   #1
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Default Have you ever felt...........

Have you ever felt like people really do judge you by your weight? I know that people are discriminated against for their weight. I know that people are teased......I have never had any of that until now at my highest weight.

I really do feel like people don't want to do business with me or even talk to me because of my weight. As you can tell I work in the public eye. Lately I just can't seem to really talk to people that I don't know. My business is really starting to suffer because of this. I'm not afraid of a "no" answer. I do talk to people but I really do feel like I am avoided because of my weight.

I have a friend who has always been slim. We have talked about this and she tells me that I am a beautiful person inside and out. It really makes it hard on me because I see that people are falling over themselves to book and have parties with her and I am just not getting those results. My self esteem has really been down lately. I have really felt so empty inside and of course I turn to food. But there are times when even that won't fill me up!!!

Sorry for the pity party. I just really needed to get that out there. Thanks for listening!!!!




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Old 10-28-2004, 07:30 PM   #2
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How people judge you can be based on a lot of things. One of those can be weight, but a bigger one is almost unconcious. That is the sense of confidence a person throws off about themselves. In the case of overweight people sometimes it can be a catch-22. They feel people judge them for being overweight and so their self-esteem plummets and their confidence drops and they consiously or unconciously project a vibe that states "Don't look at me, don't talk to me, I'm fat and I am unworthy."

One of my best friends is overweight and she has been her whole life, but she is one of the most confident and outgoing, witty people I know and other people FLOCK to her in droves. It's got nothing to do with her size and everything to do with the way she sees herself and her place in the world. She projects that confidence and self-contentment that I am STILL trying to grow into even after having lost weight lol.

Conversely I know a lot of slim people who think they have the plague or leperosy because no one will talk to them, or they are always seemingly ingored.

So I dont know, I definitly think some people judge by size, but more often its the confidence factor that goes with it thats the more important issue. Be confident in yourself and people are drawn to you. At least thats what I have found.

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Old 10-29-2004, 11:02 AM   #3
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hmmm.. good discussion. I think people judge others by looks, that is just the way the world is. but i also firmly believe (agreeing with lyria) that there is something else involved, like what kind of vibes you give off. for awhile i felt like people wouldn't like me because i was overweight, so I kept to myself and was shy. People thought I was a stuck up b_t_h for the most part, but I really was just down on myself. I guess my point is that the way we feel about ourselves is reflected on the outside, as corny as it might sound. Now I really try to be outgoing with new people and not focus on my own issues and it has been working out.

of course, there are always going to be those people are prejudice and jerks, but who needs them anyway?
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Old 10-29-2004, 11:10 PM   #4
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The people that know and love us accept us as we are, and the better our attitude, the more we are accepted and liked. But as unfair as it may seem, many people who do not know us do judge fat people in a negative light -- first impressions and all. I have watched on tv programs dealing with people losing weight, "I lost it" in particular, on discovery health channel. Daily they tell the stories of 4 fat people who have lost weight over the course of the hour program. These people relate the all too numerous horrid things others have insulted them with. Of course thin people get insulted too, but generally its not about their bodies.

If you have been heavy from childhood, as I have been, you have probably heard taunts and cruel comments from other kids just hurled out at us just because we are heavy. No small wonder we dont trust strangers, think they are judging us, and perhaps act more reserved. And comedians dont help either -- fat people are still all too often the object of ridicule.

Its not fair at all, but I think its the truth. Having a perky attitude does help, but its not the whole story. There is indeed fat prejudice.

I saw a program once where the same woman wearing the 'same' clothes, went out onto the streets, first wearing a fat suit that made her appear about 160, then later being her natural thinner self. They put her in circumstances such as having a flat tire, or needing other assisistence from strangers, and in her thin form, people were falling all over themselves to help her, but as a larger woman, people just went right past her without helping. Eventually someone would help, but it was astonishing to watch this sad drama play out.

Jan
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Old 10-30-2004, 09:14 AM   #5
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Before I hit puberty, I was rail thin. A neighbor boy called my Pippy Long Stockings. My cousin weighed 95 pounds into her 30's. She's been hammered many times about it, but she has Grave's disease and couldn't gain weight. How many of us wear glasses (4 eyes) or braces (railroad tracks)?

Some people just feel the need to find a physical feature and blast it because of what's lacking within themselves. It's sad that anyone feels the need to put other people down about anything. But they do it because they're not totally happy with themselves. So if someone puts you down for looks, realize that they're inwardly putting themselves down. Every hurt they inflict gives them a temporary high. Then when it wears off, they wonder why they're still miserable. It's like a dieter's sugar rush.
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Old 10-30-2004, 06:31 PM   #6
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Thank you everyone. I have really been having a hard week. Which of course I have been making it really hard on those that know and love me. It is really hard for me to talk to anyone about my weight. Even my husband. I know that even he would like to see me lose some weight. I myself would love to lose 100 pounds and be thin again. I was not overweight until I had my children. After the birth of my twins (by c-section) I did lose the weight but then it all came rushing back on and hasn't gone away since. (they will be 10 in January!!!).

I do try to be a happy person, some days it is harder than others. Actually that is what I have been struggling with this week. I see myself going out and being "happy" with my friends and family and then at night I just feel so down. I know that I am not truly "happy" with my self. I am trying my best to stay on program with weight watchers. I know that I can do this. I have been on other programs and I know that WW is the best for me. To tell me that I can't have carbs or something else just of course makes me want it more.

Thank you so much for letting me vent!!!

Jodi Riddle
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Old 10-30-2004, 07:12 PM   #7
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Hi Jodi, Vent all you want. Sometimes in our lives we do feel down. There is nothing wrong or unnatural about that. What is unnatural is thinking we should be up and happy all the time. Feeling bad is like dark clouds passing by with a storm. It may seem dark but eventually they will pass too.

And of course you can do this. We all can. Just put one foot in front of the other each and every day, and you will make progress. Of course there will be set-backs too. That too is normal, but as long as there are more + days than - days, in the end you will be the thinner winner.

Progress, not perfection.

Jan
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Old 10-30-2004, 07:45 PM   #8
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Yes I do think people judge you on how much you weight or how you look. Sometimes people that you are lazy if you are over weight but that isnt the case at all for a lot of ppl. I am in highschool an dI know most of the people judge me on the way I look before they even get to know me.
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Old 10-30-2004, 10:12 PM   #9
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Hi MaryKay lady,

I had twins via c-section too! I was thin before I had my second daughter, I had her vaginally, then I had my identical twin girls 10 mos later. I cried when I got home from the hospital and saw my "new body". Nobody ever really warns you about what happens to your abs after twins. (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH) Not to mention what your abs look like after having a c-section with twins!

My husband and I had issues through our marriage about weight. When he married me, I was a lot smaller, and what I thought to be more attractive. He always felt more comfortable with me having weight on. He thought that would keep me "safe", and other men wouldn't look at me. WOW! Did I ever have issues from this! We ended up splitting up for a while. When we split up, I felt awesome. I didn't care about my weight (then hovering between 190-200lbs, size 16/18,). I felt hot! I didn't care about anything. I just felt free. I am the type to have my hair, make-up, nails, you name it done when we go out. My best friend and I did a test one night. She is really pretty with big boobs and all. I am much flatter chested than she is. One night she was kind of acting shy, and not out going at all. And I was being just the opposite. I was so tired of feeling not pretty because of my weight. What a joke! Guys were totally hitting on me, and not my friend!

I think looks are an attitude thing. You can be hot at any size. I've come across more people who don't notice that I am fat. (I feel like it is a secret that people haven't caught on to yet!) At stores, people are VERY attentive to me.

I feel so much better when I am thin though. But is that what makes people notice? I don't think so. Personality, the way you treat others, the way you expect to be treated, and style is always attractive.

I think we need to encourage each other to feel better.

Oh. My husband and I got back together. We are doing awesome now. He now respects me as his wife, mother of our children, his friend, and a valuable person in society. Weight had nothing to do with it.
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Old 11-06-2004, 06:38 PM   #10
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Hey there MaryKayLady,

I know what you mean, too... I'm very self-conscious because I am the biggest girl in my office. I always feel that people are watching what I am eating or how much I am eating, etc. It's probably not even true. I tend to make fun of myself, which I know isn't a good thing. One day, several of the attorneys were in one of the offices across the hall talking about this girl who went on a boat ride with one of them. They were talking about how big she was and how the boat would move faster if she had fallen overboard and how she finally had to get asked to move to the front. I left the office because the conversation upset me so much.

I am trying really hard to get past that, though. I am who I am and I'm trying very hard to change the physical me. I do the best I can with what I've got, but yes, I feel on nearly a daily basis that people judge me for what I look like on the outside and not the inside.

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Old 11-07-2004, 10:02 AM   #11
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Aileen, theat is upsetting. I do have to admit, I do get a little edgy when people talk about other's weight. Ya, you can play it off like things don't bother you, but for me I do (secretly) feel insecure about my weight.

I think insecurity at any weight is bad. But it does seem to be more obvious when someone seems to have what the world considers to be a flaw. I know some people are jerks, no matter what. Men. How come its ok for a man to be overweight, (usually nobody really says much) but women... OH NO!
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Old 11-07-2004, 10:13 PM   #12
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In 1975 a friend of mine applied for a data entry job at JC Penney and was rejected. The HR person actually told her she would not be hired because she was overweight. At the time she weighed maybe 160.

Things have changed--at least prospective employers no longer tell people that to their face.

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Old 11-08-2004, 12:31 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jansan

And of course you can do this. We all can. Just put one foot in front of the other each and every day, and you will make progress. Of course there will be set-backs too. That too is normal, but as long as there are more + days than - days, in the end you will be the thinner winner.

Progress, not perfection.

Jan
What a great quote!

MaryKayLady, when I had started my program but felt down about my weight, it always helped to focus that I WAS actually doing something about it...you are doing WW, which is great!! Take it day by day...or even hour by hour...you can do it!!

MarineTubaMom, what a bunch of jerks to make fun of that woman. And this is horrible, but my own sister made fun of our dad in the same way! We had rented a boat while on vacation together...afterwards she snickered how the boat sank in the water when Dad was in it. I should have pushed her into Lake George, and held her under I can NOT understand how people can be so cruel...she was totally skinny until her 20's, and now is at least 50 lbs. overweight. I wonder how she would feel if someone was as cruel to her.

UggaMugga4, I love your Barbie avatar
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