Hi all,

More than once I have self-sabotaged when someone has noticed my wl and commented upon it. Last time I got to 180something and 2 people in two consequtive days asked if I was loosing, and the very next day I was eating again. This has happened in the past more than once. I dont believe it is a coincidence.

I love my privacy and plump anonymity and apparently love the feeling of safety and security my extra weight gives me. I guess I fear my life will have to change if I lose. I will have to do the things I think I should, behave the way thin people do, etc. Of course I know this is not true, and my life does not have to change at all when I lose. I just gotta convience my subconscious of that and break this lose/gain reaction.

I also hate it when someone says 'oh, you look so good now'. What I hear is 'Oh, you looked so bad before.'. Arghhhhh! Why cant people mind their own business about my body?

Anyone else identify with this?

Jan 250/214/206/170?

I get pretty embarassed when someone points out my weight loss, especially if someone else is around. It's kind of silly but it makes me feel like they're pointing out what a fatty I am. My grandma is horrible for this and she has a hearing problem so she makes sure to shout it.

Jansan I know exactly what you are talking about -- both the embarrassment of the unspoken "You looked terrible before" and the feelings about losing that cloak of invisibility and becoming more "visible." You're not alone!

You know I've never had anyone say "you look good NOW" but it has become almost a daily experience for me for someone to say "you've lost weight" or "you look really good" or something like that. I actually like it and don't mind it because it is a validation that I am not the only one noticing the changes. Really, how would you expect to lose 50+ lbs and have no one notice?

No one particularly commented on my weight loss until I went home for holidays in July. The people I live with here at Uni saw my decrease in weight pretty gradually, the odd person commented, but as I was still wearing mostly the same clothes they didnt notice.

When I got back home however, everyone commented. Some people didn't even recognise who I was! I was so self conscious and I got more so the more often people said "Oh wow, you look great" or "God! You've lost some weight!" Or the most hurtful "You look like a rake"

Sometimes I think it was easier to be heavier and be invisible to everyone, being slim people LOOK at me, random guys comment on me, sometimes I just wish I could hide again and be the person no one takes any notice of.

But that passes and I realise how much healthier I am now, and how much I love my new lifestyle, being able to run for kms or pick out any outfit I want.

I guess we are just never really happy. If no one comments on how you look you get upset. If people comment too much on how you look, you query their motives. Most people when they see someone after a long time and you've changed are shocked...they may not be at their most tactful.

Just be happy with yourself, be confident in yourself. That is at ANY size. After all, it's your body and your life, and you can live it any way you want

Livi

I'm a quiet person, and like others I like my anonyminity (sp?) and have been taken aback when some people have commented about my weight loss. I feel like they are crossing a boundary into my private space, and into my inner life.... without my permission. The three instances I'm thinking about were people that I just had casual acquaintances with - two were store clerks and one was a veterinarian tech.

I felt infringed upon. I knew it wasn't the other person's bad manners or overstepping boundaries... but it was within me. I felt that my personal boundaries were being invaded. So, I did a little homework on my feelings and brought it back to childhood (as usual) and placed the feelings coming from how my mother dealt with my chubbiness as a child.

Looking at pictures now, I see that I wasn't very overweight. My sister and I talked about it years and years ago and she apologized for calling me fat when I wasn't really fat. She felt partly to blame for my being over 200 at the time. She's always been thin and we kidded her as children about her thinnness, and I likewise was kidded about my weight. In college I was 155 at 5'4 ; and she was 112 at 5'7 and we still had our childhood kidding going on.

Anyway, for me it's the unexpected person commenting about my weight loss that will catch me off guard and put me on guard of my feelings about my weight. It is a tender spot for me. I've been a yo-yo since I tried to loose 20 lbs in college. That's the first time I rebounded over 200 too. Been up and down 4 times and I'm in my 50's and hoping I've finally found a way to not rebound up again.

Allie
start weight 258/ goal 145 maintained 6 months/ 162 now- heading back down

YES! I don't know why, but I don't like my weight being commented on. I guess it's personal to me like others have said, and comments invade my personal space. I don't talk about my weight loss attempts much with anyone, not even my dh, who appreciates the healthier meals I've been making and is trying to lose a few lbs himself. He likes to talk about it though.

I'm the same way here. I actually got a whistle one day while loading groceries into the trunk. Hubby wasn't amused, but I sure was!

Of course not everyone feels the way I do, but I think its an invasion of my privacy for someone to comment on my body size. Its sort of rude, though most people think they are giving the weight loser a welcome compliment. Not true for many of us.

I was watching oprah today and celine dion was the guest. First thing out of her mouth to oprah was in an overly gushy manner 'oh, you look absolutely wonderful' or something like that. Even I cringed. In effect I heard her say what a dog oprah had been before. Oprah just mildly thanked her and moved on. Talk about someone who must be weary of her weight being a public issue.

I think something more appropriate, if must say something, would be to complement weight losers such as 'that color looks good on you' or 'I really like that outfit you are wearing.' But then, we cant control the world and as we lose we will have to learn how to make ourselves feel safe from these well-meaning comments, unwelcome tho they are. I used to say 'thank you' and nothing more and when folks start noticing, as they will, will resume using that one. I also dont think people begin noticing weight loss until about 20+ pounds are lost so I have a way to go before having to deal with that again.

Most people mean well, and I have to learn how to deal with it because it will happen again. This is one of those things out of my control and I wont let it to stop me this time.

Jan h250/s214/c206/g?170

Well of COURSE I would expect a large loss to be noticed, and just a quick, sincere mention is fine and usually welcome. Compliments from people who never knew me as really overweight are fine, too. What makes me squirm are the people who go on and ON about it, make comments like, "You must feel SO much better," blah blah blah. There's a, "What a relief it must be for you to join the rest of us normal people here in the real world" tone that, while unintentional, can be offensive. I don't mind acknowledgement, but I don't want it to be the major topic of conversation, which often happens. This is usually from people who never struggled with weight at all, or are carrying 10 extra pounds of middle-aged weight and bemoan their piggish state as if it compares to my previous weight. Puh-leeze.

When I first started to cut out the junk food this summer , I didn't tell any one at work about trying to lose weight. I couldn't believe when someone noticed that I had lost weight after "only" 10 lbs were gone, because I thought that was like a tick falling off an elephant's behind!

Now I am a total of 32 lbs down, and other co-workers have noticed and commented. Although I am a private individual, I see their comments as a sort of encouragement, because all of my hard work is paying off and it is an incentive to keep trying!

I know how you all feel. Since June I have dropped 50+ lbs and I am so proud of myself. Every time I see someone I have not seen in awhile they tell me how good I look. Maybe I just can't accept a compliment properly because I have, somehow through all these years of being a 'big girl', tricked myself into thinking that the only reason people would pay a compliment would be out of pity. I feel that people are judging me and that makes me self-conscious. They say the same thing like ten times in awe while just staring. They say things like "You look so good!", "I can't believe how great you look now!", etc.. This makes me feel so embarrassed. I don't know what to say. I say thank you, but I feel like they want me to say something more.
My dad is really happy for me, but he hurts me with some of the things he says. I know he is just trying, in his own weird way, to commend me on my success, but he says things like "You look so good now. You used to be so big you looked like a football player". I try to smile and act like nothing bothers me, but my throat tightens up and my eyes start watering. Even though I am not that size any more, I was once and it really hurts me that he used to think of me that way.
I gotta admit, though, I do like the new attention from boys... lol.

Hi, even if they want you to say more, you dont have to. Its yourself you have to please, not someone else. If they persist and ask you for more information you can either tell them more if that pleases you, and if it doesnt, politely say that you consider that a personal matter.

As to your father, only you know your relationship with him. I know how what he said would have hurt me too - I felt it just reading your post. Parents are supposed to be the source of unconditional love, including a child's weight. Is there any way you could talk to him about this? Or if that is not your relationship with him, perhaps you could respond something mildly pointed such as 'gee Dad, now that really made me feel good.' And leave it at that.

Jan 250/214/205/170?

I only wish I had that problem. It would be great if more people noticed my weightloss, after all it's no secrect that I'm fat. We can try to cover it the best way possible with our long shirts and what not but when your fat, your fat. I guess for me it would be nice for someone to acknowledge all the hard work I've done to lose the weight. We all need a little encouragement.

I can remember when I was much thinner(back when dirt was invented). I look at the pictures and yes, I do look much better minus the weight.
It could be worse, at least they are not pointing out weight gain, now that would be horrible

GOOD LUCK!


sw/230 8/10/04
cw/200/
gw/130-140

There really do seem to be two sides to this issue. Some people seem to really like it when others notice their weight loss. Others like me dont. I guess it proves yet again one size does not fit all. Arent we lucky everyone isnt boringly alike?

People dont seem to notice wl until a certain amount is gone, more than one might think. This time for me I suspect it will be about 20 pounds when my weight privacy is violated again since that is where it happened last time. I am in the low 200's now, so in about 10 fewer pounds...... When I started at around 250 afew years ago, it took about 30 pounds gone to be noticed.

But this time I know it will be coming, and I am ready. Fore-warned is fore-armed.

Jan