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Old 04-05-2004, 12:43 AM   #1
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Default Are You Getting Support At Home??

I was just thinking about support, and the people who you may live with.

Do you feel like the people in your household are giving you the support you need to help you stay on track and lose weight?

I live with my boyfriend, and at times I feel like if I had more support from him, than I may do a little bit better. I hate to say that, and seem like I put all the blame on him. It's WAY more my fault than his, but I just feel like if he gave me more encouragement, than I would do better.

When I start dieting, he always says, "Come on, lets go to (...fill in fast food restaurant name here...)!" I'll say no, and he'll keep badgering me, telling me that I can start my "diet" or "plan" tomorrow. I eventually give in, eat fast food, and never start my plan.

Also, I do not like when my bf watches me exercise in the house. I made our spare bedroom into an exercise room, and I just don't feel like I have the privacy that I need to get a good workout. When he hears me working out, he will walk in the room, and try to watch me, knowing that it makes me uncomfortable, and then I just quit because I get upset.

If he was supporting me, he would not encourage me to eat the fast food. He would encourage me to stay on track, and meet my goals. He would give me the privacy that I need to exercise.

I know I really need to work on saying "NO" to him. NO to the fast food. I just wish I had a little support from him to help me along.

So - do you feel like you are getting support at home??
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From a column in Dear Abby:

There is an old Japanese proverb: "Fall seven times, get up eight." Who knows? The road to success may be just around the corner. Wouldn't you be dismayed to realize that it was right in front of you, and you had stopped before you reached it?
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Old 04-05-2004, 01:50 AM   #2
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My husband is very supportive of me and has even started helping me to measure out my food. We've starting lifting weights together as well. He's great about watching the kids for me when I want to go walk, ride my bike or jump on the trampoline. Of course he also wants to lose at least 40 pounds as well so that could make a difference.

You really do need to stand up to him and tell him how you feel about him watching you and the fast food. Plan your meals at least that morning if not a day or more ahead of time and stick to it. The moment he brings up fast food, start preparing dinner and tell him it's too late you're already cooking. As for exercising in the spare room, put a lock on the door and lock it while you're exercising or if he insists on watching ask him to join you.
I can tell you from experience that if he doesn't start supporting you, your chances of truly succeeding go way down and you'll have to try that much harder at it. Could it be that he is sabotaging you on purpose because he's afraid that WHEN you lose all your weight you'll lose him as well? that could be why he's doing this. You might reassure him that that's not the case and before long he'll be on board with you.
Anytime you need support and reassurance just come here.
We've got tons to go around even if he doesn't
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Old 04-05-2004, 09:22 AM   #3
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Kari,

I'm sorry that your boyfriend is being such a poop. That does make things so much harder.

I tell you what, though, this is not about him, nor will it ever be about him. There is empowering strength derived from saying no to the people you have the hardest time saying no too when dealing with personal growth. For each and every time you are able to work through these difficult times with your boyfriend the more self-respect you'll have.

The next time you are motivated to get on a healthier plan and you feel side tracked by your boyfriend remind yourself that this is about you and your body and your future. Explain to him how important this is to you and that if he eases up on you and lets you make healthier choices that he will also benefit from the changes. You'll have more energy, you'll be a happier person and likely it will take the intimacy between the two of you to a new level.

Is your boyfriend dealing with weight issues as well? If he is there is also the chance that he is feeling self-conscience of his physical state and would be jealous if you got in shape and he didn't. If that's the case then likely in time he will be inspired by your dedication and will start taking care of himself as well.

Be selfish and listen to what your intuition is telling you. These urges to eat better and exercise are messages coming from inside you. It's time and you shouldn't ignore it.
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Old 04-05-2004, 01:18 PM   #4
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I experienced a similar situation with my husband which may or may not be what's happening in your case.

I was heavy when we met and when we married. After 15 years or so, I'd had enough of the couple of pounds a year adding up and decided tio join a WW at Work program. I planned my dinner menus carefully so my husband and children didn't feel as though they were dieting then I was ultra-careful for breakfast, lunch and snacking when I was "on my own". After the weight loss became noticable, Ben and Jerry seemed to visit frequently. I'd have dinner planned and when I got home there was Chinese food on the table. My exercise time gave way to one crisis or another that had to be addressed immediately.

We ended up in marriage counselling and one of the things that came out was how inscure he was and that he felt as though he would lose me to someone "better" if I was thin and attractive. He WANTED me to stay heavy and did whatever he could to sabotage my efforts.

Obviously our issues were much deeper than just a diet - this was a symptom of something much bigger for us. As I said, it may or may not be the same for you but you might want to give the possibilities some thought.

My best to you - this isn't an easy road to trave WITH support at home, it's **** without it.
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Old 04-05-2004, 04:37 PM   #5
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Well ,I have had the same problem..my husband eats chocolate bars and cupcakes or cookies, EVERY day,I make him put them in HIS room in a cookie can. He thinks he can not have mashed potatoes unless it is smothered in butter and gravy..so I let him have what he wants,I just take some of the potatoes out of the pot before mashing his, and I use low fat sour cream to mash mine.

You will have to lock the door when you exercise..you have a right to privacy,unless you want to get up before him and sneak your exercise...but you should not have to.

About going out to eat...even at the fast food stores you will find something,start with a salad first and then eat 1/2 of what you like, then go quickly to the garbage bin and toss the rest!! He will soon stop asking.

I try to keep the same foods that we have always eaten and I just eat less..and keep my dressings on the side ..I buy lower fat things for myself.

GOOD LUCK!!!!
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Old 04-05-2004, 08:43 PM   #6
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I have a similar problem, but not quite as bad. I'm not sure that my husband is intentionally sabotaging my progress; I just think he's being narrow-minded and unintentionally inconsiderate. He can eat anything he wants w/out gaining weight, and doesn't understand why I can't just eat "a little" of exactly what he eats (if I could do that, I wouldn't have ever had to start dieting!). He keeps goodies around the house & is always asking me to prepare his favorite desserts; can you imagine preparing a cheesecake & trying not to eat any? Also, I exercise early in the morning, and because I don't have a room to devote solely to exercise, I have to exercise in my living room. This means moving certain furniture, dragging my step & various sets of dumbbells in the living room, etc, the night before. He always makes some smart remark or looks incredulous & says, "I CAN'T BELIEVE you're going through all this," or "You're getting up THIS early? (when my alarm goes off at 5:15 a.m.)." It's difficult enough to convince myself to do the darned exercise, and it's even more difficult with a naysayer around.

Enough about me, though. I would DEFINITELY put a stop to him watching me exercise. That's just downright annoying, and I can't believe he doesn't know it. I'd tell him to lay off & that you don't want to be the source of his entertainment/amusement, particularly when you're trying to have a serious workout.

Good luck.
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Old 04-05-2004, 11:04 PM   #7
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Kari,

Is it possible for you to schedule your exercise when you bf is not at home? I know what this is like, as I sometimes am subjected to negative comments when I do an exercise tape, as the living room is the only room I can use, so now I get up extra early and do my exercise in peace! I also lift weights, and this can be done in a spare bedroom.

Failing all that, grit your teeth and do your workout, he will eventually realise watching you is not going to intimidate you and stop you from achieving your goals, and he'll probably move onto something else.

With regard to the fast food, I'd like to share a little tip with you which has really helped me, eat something healthy before going! Then you can eat only a few bites when you are out.

Hang in there

Lucia
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Old 04-06-2004, 12:49 AM   #8
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Thank you all for the replies and comments.

I do believe that my boyfriend in insecure. When we started "dating" I was a size 16 (which with my framed, made me look decent) and he was kinda chubby, but in a cute, handsome kind of way.

I think over the last 6 years we have grown comfortable with each other and we have both put on A LOT of weight. I have gained close to 100 lbs and I would say about 80 - 100 lbs that he has gained. (His weight flucuates (sp?) a lot.) I have tried to get him to be active with me. I've tried cooking healthy meals for the both of us, but he wants no part of it.

So yes, I do believe that he is trying to sabatage my plan to get healthy, because he feels I will leave him, or not find him attractive anymore. (Which is not the case.)

Today I think I had a "semi" break through with him though. I came right out and told him that I feel uncomfortable with him watching me when I try to exercise. I told him that I want privacy, and that he should respect me for that. He kinda laughed about it, but he DID leave me alone while I did my 1 mile WATP tape this morning.

When I came home from work, he was trying to be really nice to me, by saying, "Come on - lets do your tapes!" I told him I didn't want to do them with him there, so he turned on the tv, popped in the tape, and attempted to do a few moves. He just tried to get a few laughs out of me. (Which he did.) And then AMAZINGLY he left me alone so I could complete another 1 mile walk. It was nice.

I've told my bf over and over again that if I lost weight, I have no intention of leaving him. I've been with him for 6 years, and I have no reason to leave.

I think our next talk will be about fast food. More dinners need to be cooked at home, and less dinners at Mickey D's

I still probably won't get the support I am looking for, but I'm hoping that when he sees me getting healthy, he will want to get healthy too.

Thanks again for the replies They are always appreciated!

~ Kari ~
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Date Started - January 3rd, 2005



LBS Lost: 5

From a column in Dear Abby:

There is an old Japanese proverb: "Fall seven times, get up eight." Who knows? The road to success may be just around the corner. Wouldn't you be dismayed to realize that it was right in front of you, and you had stopped before you reached it?
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Old 04-06-2004, 07:35 PM   #9
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My husband is totally supportive of me no matter what I choose to do he loves me no matter what I look like and its great and at first I was embarassed of working out in front of him but not any longer, and he would never try to sidetrack me. I hope that you find peace with ur sig. others and get the support that is so important to have.
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Old 04-06-2004, 09:35 PM   #10
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It is so much better to come out and speak your mind, in a calm way of course, than to continue fretting about a problem! I am so happy it has paid off for you. Hope all goes well when you have your fast food talk.

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